Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 wedding, a wank bag and 52 dates. Internet dating chat thread no 2

875 replies

lubeybooby · 29/09/2011 14:40

A new one!

title courtesy of Shiney :o

Chit chat about all things dating related here.

old thread

OP posts:
Zanywany · 04/10/2011 21:21

Ah fuck god knows whats going on, he's been texting for ages and getting a bit flirty, warning me that he sleep talks etc, I warned him I snore (may as well warn him) so I said 'all this talk about sleep habits but the next date (not that we've arranged anything) might be a daytime date. He has texted back, 'Next date massage'(he is a trained massuer). When I ask if this means he still wants a next date his reply is 'Er OK. x' WTF. I am keeping it light hearted and joking said 'hold your enthusiasm' so he is now begging me for another date.

I have either found someone who isn't keen or someone who is as unsure about how I feel as I am about him

Fucking Dating is not fun

HairyGrotter · 04/10/2011 21:32

RIGHT HELP NEEDED

OK so Heathcliff and I have had a little spat (snort snort) and his messages are making me uneasy. I'm meeting him again tomorrow, it's been intense, but I'm feeling that it's not all my doing. Basically, he's going cider pressing this weekend, he's been joking about slipping a posh bird his cock etc (we are really immature) but I had a bit of a sensitive day yesterday and pulled him up on it and said it didn't make me comfortable...now his messages are as follows:

..."Also, when you say, 'if it works out, great, if it doesn't, then it was fun whilst it lasted,' it sounds as if you're already preparing yourself for a negative outcome--maybe even opening the door to it. It's hard for me to see why any of this has been necessary for you. Mind you, I don't really need reasons; whether or not I can identify them, I suppose the feelings themselves are most important; it's those that now have me on orange alert :) I'm only sorry that my evening with Wayne went on so long (because he pretty much fell/jumped off the wagon again) that I wasn't able to discuss this with you much earlier.

I'm sorry if my honesty and good intentions have backfired. Naturally I can't control your thoughts or feelings. I can only say you have no cause for concern here. If there were any real chance I'd get off with someone at the cider pressing, I'd hardly be likely to draw your attention to it by telling you about those other women (especially since I'd expect my mentioning them to reassure you that my eyes were not closed or whatever anyway). You do have to realise, though, that if you get even a little defensive about things then you're making it more likely that something will go wrong there. If it did, the blame would still lie with me, but it is more likely to happen if I feel you lack trust or are ill at ease about us. In case you're in any doubt--I don't have any genuine concern about your vodka fest or Halloween (in case I don't end up joining you for that). Why would I? As far as I'm concerned, the more you get to go out and enjoy yourself, the better, really.

The long and the short of it is that I don't think you need to be so concerned about these thingsOK, so maybe you wouldn't have been if you'd had a better day, but you know what I meanand that you can probably leave it to me to decide for myself when you're not adequate.

Here's hoping you have a better day."

Sorry it's long, but there are a few points that fuck me off...can anyone identify with these? Before I identify them that is LOL

lubeybooby · 04/10/2011 21:39

Hmm Hairy, his intentions seem good but he has gone about writing it a bit cack handedly and insensitively. His basic message is, don't worry... I like you, and I was just joking around, but I'm now slightly worried you might boil my bunnies, but not THAT worried'

Obviously you're not going to boil his bunnies, so I would just forget about it and move along. I also think this jokeyness with each other thing is all very well and good if you are both feeling secure and in a stable relationship, but in early days like this it's better to be more respectful than jokey.

Just my twopennorth anyway

OP posts:
HairyGrotter · 04/10/2011 21:41

Yes, I read it as similar to you Lubey, I think the thing that has got my heckles up is the ..."and that you can probably leave it to me to decide for myself when you're not adequate."

Fucking liberty ha

lubeybooby · 04/10/2011 21:41

I think what I'm saying is could you maybe both agree to be less jokey while it's early days and shakey ground.

As you get to know each other occasionally you will find sharp bits that graze a bit, and get rounded off so they aren't so sharp as you learn about each other.

OP posts:
lubeybooby · 04/10/2011 21:44

Yes that's the worst worded part, but I know what he means. Sort of. Worth just working with a bit for now I think.

OP posts:
HairyGrotter · 04/10/2011 21:45

We're seeing eachother tomorrow, I said to draw a line under it, but he said we should talk about it. Humph, I expect I'll be coming home and starting all over again...ho hum.

Excellent point about the banter though, I shall refrain from making that mistake again!

Zanywany · 04/10/2011 21:58

Its hard to know though isn't it when to joke around and when not to, I've never used lol so much as when its early days, just so they know I am kidding.

Not too keen onthe 'slipping a posh bird his cock' tbh but if everyting else is ok then maybe just see it as a crap not very funny joke.

IQuiteLikeVodka · 04/10/2011 23:00

I'm joining you lot!! I joined a site called mumsdatedads and didn't hold out much hope of a decent outcome...however,Mr.J winked at me,I winked back. then we started chatting and exchanged some pictures,I wasn't too sure about it as his photo didn't do much for me but I don't like to judge by photos (as long as they aren't total munters) but we arranged for him to ring me tonight and he did,and,HE'S LOVELY and he's ringing again tomorrow. The other thing that put me off is that he is clearly in a completely different financial situation to me.I'm in a housing association house,single mother to three children (which is why I chose a site that was upfront about that) and having recently handed my notice in after maternity leave,I am not well off to say the least,whereas he is a director of some company and cleary financially successful. But we seem to like each other so am I kidding myself??

lubeybooby · 04/10/2011 23:18

Hello vodka... no you're not kidding yourself that really doesn't matter at all. All the usual dating pitfalls apply of course (he might be a vanisher or yet to reveal his as yet hidden twatness) but financial differences need not matter :)

OP posts:
icemaidensu · 04/10/2011 23:56

Hi all, im still lurking on this(and the last) thread!

Things seem to be going good...mostly... for all....but love the in bet weeney bits!

Keep posting..... And who is going to to start the Next one???....(poppa rob gets my vote!)

icemaidensu · 04/10/2011 23:58

Vodka...sounds very promising...but watch out for any twatishness!

happyAvocado · 05/10/2011 00:15

the worst date ever made me waiting for 40 min as he was earning overtime , then we went to South Bank Center, sat opposite each other at an empty table, no suggestion to maybe getting a drink (I suppose he was still waiting to be paid for that overtime??)

then we went for a walk, within 5 min he decided he must go home...
turned round and left me in the middle of the pavement....

never heard of again (that was off POF - 2 years ago)

another one (date never happened) within 2 or 3 days of texting sent me a photo of dressing on his hernia operation....
would you have enjoyed that?

no, neither did I :)

the third one talked in great lengths about not being able to commit, only to marry 3 months later (oh yes, he wanted to be a friend - with benefits preferably)

another one - I was close to report him as a pedophile, as all his talk was about him being undressed around young boys (my son in particular)

am I weird or what by attracting such characters???

hellsbells76 · 05/10/2011 00:28

Grin at hernia picture. What a catch!

Not to get all paedofear but there was one guy on POF a while back who totally freaked me out. We only got as far as chatting on the phone and he asked so many questions about my DD (knew about my DS but didn't mention him once), and said he missed changing his daughter's nappy, how he used to spend ages doing it and his ex-wife got the hump. I don't think I've ever put the phone down on anyone so fast. Kept wondering if I should have reported him to someone :(

watchoutforthatsnail · 05/10/2011 09:34

zany - so, has he actually asked/set up the next date? I think as others have said, dating, when its the right person, is meant to be easy. It shouldnt be fraught at the begining, it should be fun...

Shine- how was the cinema date?

Lubey - so, have you heard nothing from mr friday then( sorry if you have already said)

Hairy - pitfuls of being jokey i think. Plus via text or IM its very easy to get things wrong because you cant pick up someones tone of voice. Id of been annoyed by that comment as well though, and i think you were right to show annoyance. Im not sure it waranted such a long message from him or more talking about it though?

Had a nice phone call from mr guitar player last night. And a text this morning. id say he is keen :)
He seems really, really nice and im excited about tomorrow. Same old worries though, like what if he doesnt like me in real life. or what if i dont like him. Which means im nervous. And i only get nervous if im actually interested... which means if it all goes wrong ill be a little bit deflated for a while. HELP!
Its not possible to lose 2stone overnight is it?

PoppaRob · 05/10/2011 09:45

I asked my cardiologist ages ago if he knew of a way to lose 30 kilograms. His suggestion was to cut my leg off. :(

stayfornoone · 05/10/2011 09:45

Zany - I wouldnt have time for that. He is joking with you about a next date then acts all, eh? when you actually try to arrange one. I think he just likes the text banter and doesnt want more or he would have arranged it himself.

Hairy - so if I am getting this right, you and he have very jokey banter where you call each other names (bit like S and I) and he obviously thought the 'slipping a posh his cock' was acceptable based on the fact you have banter like that and you would know there was nothing in it. He is obviously bothered about the fact you got upset to make such a long reply and is keen to talk about it, both good signs in my opinion. He could have just decided you were a bit bunny boiler and thought...ah fuck it. This part is the most important 'I can only say you have no cause for concern here'. He is basically saying he likes you enough to not to actually want to be doing that. He also isnt dismissing your feelings. The average bloke would have basically typed....chill out woman!

Watch - sounds all very good and positive! The joys of dating regarding feeling deflated if it doesnt work out...you have to try to find out. If you dont like each other in that way, then maybe you will have found at least a friend and he will be just as nervous as you are! Hope it all goes well for you :)

lubeybooby · 05/10/2011 09:49

Watch, I heard from him the day before yesterday but nothing since. Meh, I'm not chasing. Can't be arsed.

Another one I was chatting to on okcupid has vanished and no longer has an account - nothing else going on, dammit.

OP posts:
charlottesmum5 · 05/10/2011 09:53

All quiet here too...

Zanywany · 05/10/2011 09:53

Too much wine made me I asked if he wanted to go out again still and said no problem if he wasn't sure because after lots of banter and talk from him about meeting up again he still hadn't asked. He has said it would be nice to see me again. Really don't know if he isn't that bothered or if it's just because he lives an hour away and is working nights at the moment. He sent almost 40 texts last night which makes me think he is keen. Confused

lubeybooby · 05/10/2011 09:56

Zany I think he does want another date just is being a bit flaky. When I go flaky it's usually because of work... up to you whether you hang around or try to get an agreed date, time, place etc.

OP posts:
Zanywany · 05/10/2011 09:56

I'm just getting stupid messages, no more dates on the horizon although I have arranged to see me FWB next week [happy]

hellsbells76 · 05/10/2011 09:58

He does sound a bit unbothered Zany :( I would move on. If he's this apathetic at the beginning it doesn't bode well.

I have PMT so am giving the inbox short shrift today. Normally just delete the stupids but I'm spoiling for a ruck. Have just replied to this:

"hi there and how's u today and u up to much then.well i hope you like us tall men as i am 6ft 4ins so think those 5 or 6 inch heels will have to come out around me i think.
if you like to chat will always reply to people and if u like to ask anything please do.
like chatting to people and see if we get on and go from there.so take care xx"

with

"No, I hate heels. And semi-literate generic messages. Sorry."

Grin
stayfornoone · 05/10/2011 09:59

Well there is no harm in having another date. Has anything been arranged? I have the feeling its all going to end up coming from you, trying to pin him down for another one. Thats a lot of text...yet it still had to be you asking him the situation for another date. It doesnt really scream 'I am into you' to me, but I could be wrong! Just keep your options open Grin

lubeybooby · 05/10/2011 10:00

hellsbells :o :o hahahaaa

OP posts: