advice needed desperately regarding social services

[wannabestressfree]

I am desperate for some advice and wondered if anyone could help......

I have three sons. 14,10 and 7. My oldest is aspergers and ADHD, self harms daily and has had two stays in mental hospitals. On sunday he attacked me with a knife in front of my middle son. He didn't hurt me but obviously it was very scarey. He then absconded {he does this a lot} and eventually the police took him to hospital.

A house officer phoned me in the morning and said he would be requiring inpatient treatment but he is medicating at the moment [he is on a childrens ward} and so they have reversed the decision and say he is fit to return home. He self harms daily and his special education school has told social services they are refusing to have him back. I work full time as a teacher.

I told social services I wouldn't have him in the house......... this is after years of asking for help and they have phoned today and said they will give me respite for a week by placing him in foster care in our old home town. I cannot believe they would do this as this is where he absconds too and drinks and was basically told 'tough'......... no other foster carers would take him due to his mental condition. The social worker insisted I tell my school they were dealing with us {head was super supportive} and said they would be looking at the other children. I am so upset as I just want some help.

He will stop taking his medication when he comes home, attack the other children and roams in and out of the house. We are all exhausted.

So advice please............ do I take him back tomorrow or allow him into foster care that I know is not the right place. I honestly feel like they are emotionally blackmailing me..................

The LEA can fund the full cost of a residential school place without input from SS or health (this can be ordered by the SEND tribunal) but SS wouldn't pay for the full costs of a school place. So even when/if SS agree to fund, there will need to be some convincing of the LEA, which would be done through the statement.

There will be a lot of buck-passing between the departments and the OP needs to take charge of that. The SEND tribunal process forces the LEA to adhere to timescales and make decisions, so that's why it's so useful to parents.

DS wouldn't get legal aid in his own right for the SEND process, although he could for other legal processes, such as Judicial Review. But the JR process cannot force the LEA to name a school, only SEND can do that.

Lots of good advice already but wanted to wish you good luck. Have battled for similar but a long time ago and not fo my own child but then as now it wAs always possible to get a bullying, inadequate sw in front of you more in awe of budgets than needs. Keep going, there are great ones too and I always met them the most when other agencies, mps etc were involved too.

Good luck.

I'm very sorry to hear about your son. It must be terribly, terribly upsetting for you.

I'm wondering why support agencies aren't talking about sectioning him though. He sounds very unwell and I think you mentioned that he is making threats to hurt others as well as frequently hurting himself. There are presumably lots of kids with ASD and ADHD whose behaviour is not as violent or self-destructive, suggesting that it is not just these underlying conditions which are the problem.

ASD and ADHD are spectrum conditions, which means that people can be affected very severely or more mildly. I disagree that there must be other issues behind his behaviour, as I have seen students with very severe behavioural issues improve dramatically once they have transferred to suitable autism-specific provision.

I would be very wary of interventions such as sectioning, as the focus there is on mental health issues, whereas ASD and ADHD are pervasive developmental conditions and they require a different approach. Also, young people with ASD often mimic behaviour and such an environment would not provide good role models or peers.

I just wanted to add my support to this very sad thread.
I hope you get the right outcome for your son, it sounds like a horrendous situation for you all. You sound like a great mum in a very tricky situation and I can see you love all your children very much.
Good luck.

I echo what others say and you have to refuse to have him home,im surprised ss arent more concerned about the welfare of the other children.I also agree with maryz the older he gets the less child services will get involved and ther will be a gap before adult services kick in.Hang in there good luck.

ee fabulously supportive advice there,wuld you care to come back and validate it? No? I thought as much.

Absolutely trailof; indeed within the school environment it ahs taken 3 weeks in a base for ds1 to start to cope. Within two months I expect to be either celebrating that transferring to the home environment or commisserating with them about teh drastic collapse of his behaviour. I suspect I know which one, but at least he will now be comapred to other kids with the same needs and dx rather than some NT bunch.

Well ss are being unhelpful. I phoned and spoke to designated social worker and he said he wouldn't come out and speak to me unless I was putting him in care and it would be to do paperwork. He then said he would ring when place is confirmed. I will be insisting this time they help and current school has said they think he needs residential care after a period of time in a mental hospital. I am shocked they won't take in account what either myself or the school are saying regardless of the fact we see him and have the most to do with him. He is still asleep on the childrens ward as I have just phoned and the nurse said they don't tell him when to take his meds and he has been up all night playing games.

why are nurses not telling him?? madness!

They just don't as it is an adolescent ward. Am just about to sign paperwork then he will be picked up and taken to foster carers in old town. Feel so sad but its got to be done

Have you ahd a recent carer's assessment wannabe? they have to come out and do that

Well done for standing firm wannabe.

SS are failing in their duty of care towards your DS and I think you need someone to advocate for you, someone who can cut through their waffle with clear legal guidance. The NAS can help - here is a link on how to make a complaint.

If you want to take further steps with a legal firm, there is a list of firms at the back of this booklet - Using the Law to Fight Cuts. It is well worth reading, as it outlines the main legal acts parents can use to fight for provision and services . I think your case is quite complex as your DS has had quite a range of intervention and involvement with services, yet is still without a suitable placement. This makes it more likely that it could be picked up by one of the legal firms on a pro bono basis, so it's well worth making contact with some of them.

Not much i can add but just wanted to give you a and say you have done and are doing a great job, you have to put your families safety first, residential looks to be your best option and there are some great residentials out there, i looked around one near us a couple years ago and it was fantastic.

I do hope you get this sorted and your son gets the help he needs.

Please bear in mind that the Autistic Spectrum covers a huge range.
Wanna, you are doing the right thing, for all of your children, and for yourself, it is bloody hard and emotionally destabilising, but long term, it really is the best you can do. Threaten SS with legal action if they will not come out, usually makes them shift pretty fast. I have three on the spectrum.

EE
Do not comment on a thread unless you know what you're talking about. You obviously don't. Want you said was both cruel and rude.

Would NYAS be able to help do you think? They provide advocates to work on behalf of young people in these sorts of scenarios.

It is a fucking disgrace - I totally agree with maryz

I am actually the other side atm as a special ed worker. Can't say too much as confidentiality but needless to say a LAC in my class (all male ASD 14-16yo) can no longer function within the school or residential setting.

He needs FT residential/ educational setting - but the fight to get people to realise.

Meanwhile I have no skin left on one side of my neck!

wannabe your posts have had me in tears, I cannot believe they want to look into your work and children instead of focussing on the problem itself. I don't mean to call your DS1 a problem, but more his social difficulties being the problem and his lack of abilty to function within a family home. Please remember this is nothing you can 'fix', although SS often seem to think it can be , and that it's the ASD. The ASD will not suddenly disappear but his anxiety can be hopefully managed in the right setting. What really pisses me off is that all the fucking around SS do causes more anxiety and often increases the problem. (have seen it before). Please stick to what you want for your son because you know him, and what he needs. Accept no less.

Hopefully we can support you here, there's lots of people who have sadly experienced the same thing.

Sorry of the post came across negative I meant it as a booster to help you fight.

(((hugs)))

Dawndonna that is your opinion and I am entitled to reply to any thread asking for advice, just because my reply may be harsh does not make it any less valid than yours.

I have a son with Aspergers and I would never put him in care just so I can be 'stressfree'. The boy is obviously self harming for a reason and removing him from his family and putting him with strangers (who may also be at risk from him, as the OP believes she and her family is) is unlikely to help. If she fears for her other DCs, why not leave them with the ExH why she focuses on sorting out the one who needs her most?

Maryz how do you know that I have not experienced any of that? Look in the mirror before you call anyone else ignorant dear. I am giving my opinion on what I would do in her position. Obviously I am different type of mother and

Envious actuallyself harm is quite common with depression, and in turn depression, llike quite a few MH disorders, can run comorbid with ASD. DS1 for example was treated for eating disorders at ten; more common than people realise.

EE Its not about your opinion not counting,its the non supportive attitude that people felt unecessary.This is not aibu,the op is obviously in an awfull position and as a mother of a child with sn you could maybe be a tad less judgey,i dont know how old your son is but as the saying goes "dont count your chickens"

Op i am a support worker and i see families like yours all the time and im about as good as it gets in our area (the help not me personally) I do my best but im just an ordinary woman with a massive caseload and there is definately a huge gap for young people around this age group and a reluctance to help people when the situation is "just about ok" and huge efforts are poured into the really bad cases where in my opinion the children should often have been removed years ago.You are doing the right thing.