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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

totally alone and lost.

174 replies

KeeperOfOurSecrets · 26/09/2011 22:30

hi 1st post.

i have been married for 7 yrs, and I am really scared of the way that my life is now. I am 29 and I spend all day from 6 when my husband leaves for work, until he returns (sometimes 6ish-or 8ish) alone. I do not speak to anyone. I am not really allowed to. My husband doesn't talk to people, or make friends and is hostile borderline aggressive to neighbours. About a year ago he disconnected the land-line ( and tv but i negotiated the tv back after about 4 months as his parents were coming for Christmas). I don't know why he did this. I have a PAYG phone with only his number on it, he controls when this gets topped up. I can only text him, sometimes he doesn't reply for a long time, as he says he doesn't get my messages.

I spend all day alone, (except for the dog). I have no children (still allowed to post on Mumsnet?)

I only ever leave the house to walk the dog or go to the supermarket. I usually walk the dog alone in the day but I musn't talk to people. He has started telling me to leave the dog walking until he comes home then he can do it with me. Apart from wandering around our local area. I don't leave the house. We moved in 2006 to an area 70 miles away from where I was originally from to buy a house. I used to have lots of friends, and I have 4 brothers,2 of which I was close to ( I have seen them twice since my wedding). my husband is happy not to have friends as he hates social situations.

I suddenly feel afraid after all this time, and sometimes I even get scared to leave the house. I feel like I don't exist.

OP posts:
acrunchieandacupoftea · 01/10/2011 23:23

Ok, but hopefully one day soon he will let her go out to walk the dog on her own again.

frutilla · 02/10/2011 03:11

Well if you can message one of us with your details, we can contact someone on your behalf. If ever you feel at risk and can't get to the phone, PM one of us and we will call the police. Or we can contact Women's Aid.

Bluebelle38 · 02/10/2011 10:26

I hope Keeper still has access to the internet.

I'm concerned the neighbour has turned up when her husband was there and things have kicked off.

solidgoldbrass · 02/10/2011 10:36

THe next time he locks you in, if you can't ring 999 because he's taken the phone, open a window (smash it if necessary) and shout for help, ask who ever hears you to call the police and they will come and get you and take you to a place of safety (and arrest your H as well, locking another person in is a criminal offence). You can do this. You will not be seen as exaggerating or wasting anyone's time.

acrunchieandacupoftea · 02/10/2011 22:39

I really hope you take some of these people's advice Keeper. You can't live like this. It's not fair on you. I hope you are ok.

frutilla · 03/10/2011 14:30

How are you today, Keeper? Please post, we need to know you're ok. Hugs

frutilla · 03/10/2011 14:32

Oh, I did two brackets and that somehow made a link, will have to work out how to do proper links now...

frutilla · 04/10/2011 03:01

Just bumping this up, hoping we hear from you soon and that you're okay...

Molasses · 04/10/2011 07:42

bump

beakinthebeeswax · 04/10/2011 09:28

Bump

BettySwalloxs · 04/10/2011 15:42

Bump.

minouminou · 04/10/2011 16:05

Is there any way we could get social services onto this - her first post has some identifying info about the brothers etc that maybe could be used to find her.

Am really concerned here - where is she?

SirSugar · 04/10/2011 17:36

I agree minouminou, this is a very disturbing thread. OP can you post please?

frutilla · 04/10/2011 18:00

Well, someone said before re another thread that this is meant to be anonymous, like the Samaritans. Unless OP wants us to intervene. Keeper, I do hope you are ok, can you post to let us know please? Is there anything we can do to help??

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 04/10/2011 18:10

You poor love. Keep safe.

beakinthebeeswax · 04/10/2011 18:24

bump

PamBeesly · 04/10/2011 18:39

bump

Theala · 04/10/2011 20:30

bump. We're thinking of you and worried about you, love.

acrunchieandacupoftea · 04/10/2011 22:22

Would it be possible to find out where her computer was when she sent these messages? This is so concerning.

Sanesometimes1 · 04/10/2011 23:23

bump

Bogeyface · 04/10/2011 23:32

If you have the IP address then you can trace it, but MNHQ would have to be careful as I believe there are legal issues (data protection one assumes), although I would imagine that given the seriousness of this, it would probably be covered.

I think the best bet would be for MNHQ to report it to the police. We have been told that a woman is being held prisoner in the UK and MNHQ have access to information (IP address for starters) that may help the police in locating her. It is unlikely that any of us could do anything, although I have a good friend who is a DS in CID and I will email him and ask what he thinks.

frutilla · 05/10/2011 00:22

Keeper, remember you can always PM someone if you are unable to post.....

sqweegiebeckenheim · 05/10/2011 00:52

this is so scary. OP, thinking of you.

beakinthebeeswax · 05/10/2011 08:43

bump

MorningCoffee · 05/10/2011 11:32

What an upsetting & sad thread, i really feel for this lady, this is not nice at all, keeper i hope you are safe, if you need anything at all let us know i am sure someone here can help.