totally alone and lost.

[KeeperOfOurSecrets]

hi 1st post.

i have been married for 7 yrs, and I am really scared of the way that my life is now. I am 29 and I spend all day from 6 when my husband leaves for work, until he returns (sometimes 6ish-or 8ish) alone. I do not speak to anyone. I am not really allowed to. My husband doesn't talk to people, or make friends and is hostile borderline aggressive to neighbours. About a year ago he disconnected the land-line ( and tv but i negotiated the tv back after about 4 months as his parents were coming for Christmas). I don't know why he did this. I have a PAYG phone with only his number on it, he controls when this gets topped up. I can only text him, sometimes he doesn't reply for a long time, as he says he doesn't get my messages.

I spend all day alone, (except for the dog). I have no children (still allowed to post on Mumsnet?)

I only ever leave the house to walk the dog or go to the supermarket. I usually walk the dog alone in the day but I musn't talk to people. He has started telling me to leave the dog walking until he comes home then he can do it with me. Apart from wandering around our local area. I don't leave the house. We moved in 2006 to an area 70 miles away from where I was originally from to buy a house. I used to have lots of friends, and I have 4 brothers,2 of which I was close to ( I have seen them twice since my wedding). my husband is happy not to have friends as he hates social situations.

I suddenly feel afraid after all this time, and sometimes I even get scared to leave the house. I feel like I don't exist.

[GingerWrath]

Been lurking on here. You CAN make friends, and you WILL make friends. I move every 3 to 4 years and I have to start over again. I am due to move again in the next couple of months, I am sad to leave the friends I have here, but I know I will make new ones and I am nearly 40.

Be kind to yourself, you are definitely young enough to start again!

[frutilla]

You are still young, you just feel old because of what you're going through. I left a bad relationship when I was 30, I am now very happily married with 2 kids. He has slowly brainwashed you. Are you managing to clear your history so he can't find this thread? What program do you use? Maybe someone here will have the same one and help you double-check.

[mammya]

Keeper, here's a list of what to take from the Women's Aid website:

• Some form of identification.
  
• Birth certificates for you and your children.
  
• Passports (including passports for all your children), visas and work permits.
  
• Money, bankbooks, cheque book and credit and debit cards.
  
• Keys for house, car, and place of work. (You could get an extra set of keys cut, and put them in your emergency bag.)
  
• Cards for payment of Child Benefit and any other welfare benefits you are entitled to.
  
• Driving licence (if you have one) and car registration documents, if applicable.
  
• Prescribed medication.
  
• Copies of documents relating to your housing tenure (for example, mortgage details or lease and rental agreements).
  
• Insurance documents, including national insurance number.
  
• Address book.
  
• Family photographs, your diary, jewellery, small items of sentimental value.
  
• Clothing and toiletries for you and your children.
  
• You should also take any documentation relating to the abuse - e.g. police reports, court orders such as injunctions and restraining orders, and copies of medical records if you have them.
  

Try and pack an emergency bag and hide it somewhere, if you can. If you manage to speak to your neighbour, perhaps you could ask him to keep it safe for you.

[ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow]

Thinking of you, Keeper.

Money and friends seem to be the two obstacles holding you back. Can you phone Women's Aid and speak to them about the financial side, to put your mind at rest? The phone number is 0808 2000 247

When you are out and freely able to move without someone locking you in, you will also be able to speak to CAB / solicitors for financial advice.

As for friends... of course you can make friends in your late 20s! You can make friends at any age! And you will find it so much easier to make friends without the controlling millstone of your H around your neck, since both your movements and especially your mind will be free.

Would you consider asking Women's Aid to settle you in a refuge? You will be safe there, and have direct access to lots of advice and support, and it will give you time to find your bearings with regards to money, work, or whatever else you need in order to start your new life.

[twirlypen]

When I was 14 my mum and I planned and left my dad and family home due to abuse (non-violent) we slowly sneaked stuff out of the house that we would need and left one weekend when he was away from home. It was a terrifying but necessary thing to do. We didn't go to police or wa because we thought like you no physical scars or bruises just psychological! We had support of friends. My mum had a job so we didn't take money and all ties could not bs cut as he us my dad and I have a little bro too .... To cut the story short ... If it a jnt account you can take money if not don't ... Women's aid is where you need to go or the homeless persons unit at council .. They have a legal duty to find you a safe place to stay most likely out of the area they will also support you with making appropriate benefits claims and support to put your life back together. Get out as soon as you can the money and support will follow .... He is damaged and is damaging you. Good luck

[Onemorning]

Keeper, you're never too old to make friends.

You absolutely can leave. What he's doing is wrong.

Big hugs to you. xxx

[grumpykat]

You are not a bird to keep in a cage, you have a right to feel the sun on your face.
You are NEVER too old to make a life for yourself somewhere new.

Good luck keeper, I'm thinking of you

[BustersOfDoom]

Re the Jobcentre. You can choose to sign at any one in your area. It doesn't have to be the one closest to you. If you explain - not that you should have to - I'm sure they will understand your reasons. Good luck!

[Sanesometimes1]

keeper so glad you came back to let us know you are ok ! it's taken a lot of courage for you to do this - inner strength multiplies you know bit by bit, you will be able to have a fntastic life, wa will help you get things sorted, all it takes is just a little bit more courage to call them, they won't force you into anything, they have experience of situations like yours, one phone call can change your life now, please please call them.

[GoogleBun]

I was in an abusive relationship with my husband where I was not allowed my own money despite earning more than him, not allowed to see family or friends, he told me he rescued me from the gutter (even though I was doing a degree course at the time I met him, which incidentally he made me drop out of)...however he was not physically violent.

I went for counselling 2 years ago due to depression, and was absolutely shocked when the counseller gave me the contact details for Women's Aid. Like you I thought that as I wasn't being hit I was being over dramatic and that things were at least as much my fault for me "allowing" them to happen. Like you my husband told me every day that he loved me. The counsellor asked me whether any of my husband's actions were those of a loving partner - it was realising that the answer was "no" that opened my eyes a bit.

When I told my husband that I wanted to leave he threatened to burn our house down rather than let me have anything, and to kill my family if I went to stay with them. It was just words, and two years on my divorce is nearly finalised, I have a wonderful new partner and life is better than it has ever been. By the way I'm 37.

I really hope you find the strength to leave, you don't need to live like this xx

[SirSugar]

Good God Googlebun, glad you are free.

Keeper you can walk out of the door today and not look back. And don't forget to take the dog with you.

go to police, go to your brother, go anywhere but don't stay there.

[MosEisley]

GoogleBun you must be an amazing person to come through all that so positive and a good role model for others in the same situation.

Keeper, how are you doing today. I hope you come back to speak to us again soon.

[frutilla]

Hi Keeper, hope you're doing ok....please post to let us know, and also how we can help you x

[ScarahStratton]

Keeper, there's a 'local Mumsnet' feature on here. It would be a good way for you to make friends once you've got to your new place.

Good luck, there are lovely posters on here to help you.

[Collision]

Bump

[BettySwalloxs]

bump.

[KeeperOfOurSecrets]

things have gotten worse. I don't know what else to say.

feel so low.

Have to go for now.

[Onemorning]

(((keeper)))

[NettleTea]

hope you are OK, please keep posting

[BettySwalloxs]

whats happened?

[bigbird80]

Oh goodness keeper. Just get out of there ASAP. Don't worry about documents/ money etc. Just get out safely, go to your local police station and tell them to get you in touch with WA. Am worried for your safety if this man gets any idea of what you are thinking. He is dangerous as it sounds like he is mentally disturbed. Stay strong. Hugs.

[Bogeyface]

Run, ffs just run.

Dont look back dont worry about taking anything, just do as bigbird says and get out and call the police.

You cannot over react in this situation, save your own life that is the most important thing. Anything else can be replaced, but your life is a one and only and you need to keep that safe above all else.

Thinking of you, keep the faith xx

[frutilla]

What others have said, I'm worried about you, please just try to find the strength to leave ASAP. You will get the help and support you need, you can keep posting on here from wherever you are and everyone will do their best to help you. If you are scared, call the police and ask them to take you to a woman's shelter. And keep posting. xxx

[acrunchieandacupoftea]

Keeper... what a scary life you are living right now. Where do you live? You could meet up with one of us for a tea and a chat. There are so many people here who want to help.

[Bogeyface]

acrunchie, she cant. Thats the point, he is keeping her a prisoner by locking her in the house, she isnt allowed to leave, ever.