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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Support for those in emotionally abusive relationships 5

999 replies

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 26/09/2011 21:50

Welcome!

This is the latest instalment in a series of threads for those who are in abusive relationships, those who have left abusive relationships, and those gearing to leave.

Come vent, share, give and receive support.

The first question you may be asking yourself as a new visitor to this thread is:

Am I being abused?

Verbal Abuse A wonderfully non-hysterical summary. If you're unsure, read the whole page and see if you're on it.
Emotional abuse from the same site as above
Emotional abuse a more heartfelt description
Signs of Abuse & Control Useful check list
Women's Aid: "What is Domestic Violence?" This is also, broadly, the Police definition.

OP posts:
BibiBlocksberg · 29/09/2011 21:14

Oooh, good idea thisis - the long winter nights will surely fly while lying on the carpet re-enacting favourite he-man scenes :)

HerHissyness · 29/09/2011 21:15

I love garlic, she knows that, but as she herself admitted, she kind overstepped the tipping point i feel. As I said it may be the OP does need help, I dunno, but as in hounding DV victims, it can be terrifying, and they run for cover. Best to engage, chat about stuff and then hold hands until the penny drops.

But there have been a couple of pissing competitions of late on Relationships, not massively impressed tbh.

Misspixietrix · 29/09/2011 21:21

"I would repeatedly drive over his bike. (if I was kind let him get off it first)........" Hissy I bloody Love you! Still laughing 10mins later :) MN big hugs I've had similar situations with my stbx, IME I don't think it's to do with them getting less defensive sloppy always remember that these cunts twats do everything delibarately, see reading your post to me it's like he knew you was going to run back as he put you in a situation where you couldn't possibly not iykwim? same thing my twat did to

thisishowifeel · 29/09/2011 21:22

Garlic has humility that's true, but she didn't deserve what she got from the wanker invasion.

I agree, MrsR is so vulnerable, garlic went too fast, but in good spirit, which cannot be said for the smugfest which seems to have taken over so many threads. :(

I do hope that MrsR peeps back at some point.

Misspixietrix · 29/09/2011 21:25

me recently when he let my ds out of his carseat and run into the street after me during school run time, everyone was there to watch so he knew I couldn't not walk back and pick him up see? Hissy big hugs for the other day re the meetings like Annie said they have so much childhood left to enjoy, you're amazing Thanks Sorry forgot to do an official hello post for new thread, can I be forgiven I've brought virtual cream cake :o

thisishowifeel · 29/09/2011 21:31

There is something strange happening on MN.

bigbuttons · 29/09/2011 21:31

The picnic set also has tuppaware boxes in that are covered in dust! She was so proud as she presented it to me. I must confess that I was literally speechless. That didn't go down too well
"don't you like it?'
"Oh yes I do, I had always thought of buying a picnic set just not one that was used, dusty and smelt of mould"

I wish I had been able to do more 'fogging' with twat this evening. I should have said something like."I see it bothers you that I am going to the shops" I always feel slightly panicked when he starts in font of the dc's. I'm desperate not to get drawn in.

bigbuttons · 29/09/2011 21:32

What's this thread with garlic? What's happened?

iwillbefree · 29/09/2011 21:33

Happy Birthday Buttons :)
Sorry the twat tried to spoil it for you.

Hissy, things keep popping in my head about my other C**t lol.

He looks at my car tyres and asks where the mud on them has come from? And I spend a few minutes trying to explain where it came from (school, work etc) and treat it like a normal question when its not! - Thanks for that you twat, thats 3 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

IWBF xx

Misspixietrix · 29/09/2011 21:36

Happy Birthday Buttons! :) Thanks Wine Hi to everyone else too waves x

iwillbefree · 29/09/2011 21:37

I too am lost with the garlic thing buttons lol!!!!

But I am a bit slow!

IWBFxx

thisishowifeel · 29/09/2011 21:49

There are people who have come onto these boards who seem to want to undermine anyone trying to help anyone. It's very strange...their agenda is that; "it's all normal...that's what we all do, and we're normal".

There are a lot of similar names, and they all speak in exactly the same way, which rather suggests that they are rather less in number than may first appear. And they gave Garlic a pretty rough ride, even though she pushed a mite faster than may have been her intention. We all know that her heart is good.

It's weird.

HerHissyness · 29/09/2011 22:32

thisis, if you can identify a few of them, please report them. let MN have a look at them. I reported some twat recently, can't think who it was, but seemed to be coming over for a bunfight.

iwillbefree · 30/09/2011 04:37

4:30am sat here, not daring to go to bed. Ive fell asleep on the sofa. He hates that. The house alarm isnt set, he hates that too and goes mad because his precious bike might get nicked out of the garage when the alarm is off. Been up to go to the loo, peeked in, there was a big pile of washing on the bed last night, he has pushed it all over to my side of the bed. So he is asleep on one side, washing complete with laundry basket on the other, so I cant go to bed without disturbing him anyway. Going to stay here. God, please get me out of this life.

love to you all

IWBFxx

bigbuttons · 30/09/2011 06:42

Tell him to fuck off IWBF, what a wankerAngry

BreakFree · 30/09/2011 09:03

Sounds like my twat. He does that too. Just fs clean laundry off the bed onto the floor or over my side. Or if I go to bed early and he gets no sex he will go sleep in spare room complaining my snoring kept him awake and he had to go sleep on the bed made of rocks . Nothing wrong with that bed its new and perfectly comfortable. This morning I actually recoiled when I woke up and he was pressed up behind me expecting something obviously so no wonder he is in * mood.

Feeling sad this morning. DC1 said her daddy doesn't love her as much as he loves DC2 and asked why he never hugs her but he always hugs DC2. It makes it all the more heartrending because she made big progress this week and he all but ignored it.DD1 asked me could we move house.
Sad

This morning I jokingly called him a hypochondriac.So he started shouting and calling me names. He has had manflu.Now its his stomach, leg, heart. Give me patience. He then ordered me to sort out a bill unpaid in his name by ringing the company . I pay all other bills and rent. I told him to sort it out himself. his responsibility and told him he could bring DCs to school as I did it all myself with no help from him yesterday. He didn't even get up yesterday, I got up and got DCs dressed and ready and today all he had to do was bring them. He gave me the finger going down the driveway.
Twat of the week?

I hope Garlic is ok? Will she be coming back into us here? I love her posts.

bigbuttons · 30/09/2011 11:56

breakfree tell your twat to fuck off as well, he's a tosspot. Infact they can all fuck off. Make sure you give your poor dd extra love and hugs poor sweetheartSad

BreakFree · 30/09/2011 12:15

Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh I know! When back for a sleep while DCs at school.He was to pick up DC2 from nursery. He got in beside me and asked me was I up for it. He KNOWS I've got pain there. He knows I'm exhausted from it all. I said it ten bloody times. I said no anyway. Would have been easy to just say whatever but he went off in a huff anyway after actually asking me to give him a BJ instead. Me lying there, half asleep. Couldn't believe what I was hearing, only I've heard it before. Funnily, theres Never any sign of this flu/leg pain/stomach pain blah blah, when he wants a ride is there?
Has just reluctantly collected DC2 on the premise that the I will go and get DD1 later and let him go to bed for the evening Shock
Think he may have forgotten I'm going out with a friend of mine tonight. Wine

I NEARLY rang WA today. To talk. Surely the above is emotional abuse. Am I going mad. Is it too tame for ringing WA. I just feel like I should be getting hit or something. That doesn't happen anymore because I'm not pregnant or vulnerable with a young baby. Sad but true.
Can someone just answer my question though, do you speak to them only over the phone or can you go into meet them?How does the process work?

notsorted · 30/09/2011 12:18

Ooh, the bed as the focus of passive-aggressive shit. Mine once marked the bed head with a pencil to show division between his side and mine - I can't remember if it was when I was pregnant (so perhaps occupying a little more space) or when I was bf DS and brought him into bed.
Another one of his lovely habits was to turn off all the lights inc hallway if I went out in the evening alone and then wrap himself up tight in the duvet so I had to tug a little bit off him when I got into bed. He never said he didn't like me going out, just made sure the sulk was obvious when I returned. And if we did go out together it was always his choice and me footing the bill.
Oh where is normal? MiL's mantra is that there is all kinds of normal (yeah but not being called a c* in front of the DCs) Angry

Misspixietrix · 30/09/2011 12:55

oh I hate that 'but it's normal bollocks mantra, stbx's sil tried that with me last week on the phone, that it's normal, and I should expect such horrible mindfucking behaviour from him because he's a man Hmm see? last year that would have worked on me, erm NO NO and NO! can't freaking wait until Sunday when My Voice finally gets heard by his soft deluded little family! :) Isn't it funny? he suddenly doesn't want to go?!?! :o BF ring them, they are very good at listening Thanks x

garlicslutty · 30/09/2011 12:57

Thanks for the support above Thanks I did PM an apology to MrsRigby, as well as post one. I do hope she's okay, her thread was a train crash. I've realised this influx of normalisers & trivialisers has triggered me quite a bit. Am doing my best to use it as an opportunity to look for the balance between fighting & walking away Confused

Mine once marked the bed head with a pencil to show division between his side and mine - just Shock! Goodness, you'll miss all that won't you? Wink

BibiBlocksberg · 30/09/2011 19:20

It's Friday and what's more, your local ticket inspector is on holiday now for a whole, rare blissful week!

Martini's for everyone in honour of that fact and the sincere wish that you'll have had a bearable day at the very least :)

LittleHousebytheRiver · 30/09/2011 23:24

Oh garlic I upset myself over minimising and denial this week. I WISH I could stop it. Even stupid stuff like "I only drank two glasses of wine" when I had nearly a whole bottle. (And the Ex wasn't that bad, and I am just being difficult about this whole divorce business).

You are right to call on it when you see it. That thread is/was a disaster but you have tried your best to put things right. Sometimes people can't hear the truth because they are not ready. We all know that on this thread!

Have a lovely holiday bibi
I am going to visit a splendid seaside town tomorrow for an evening of jollity with 45 friends!

foolonthehill · 01/10/2011 11:13

minimising and denial....my kind of area!
[sticks head in big bucket of sand whilst sweeping muck under carpet}

we don't really have problems do we? nothing that H's friend cant sort for him anyway, T....W.....A.....T!!!!!!!

urghhhhh so cross with myself...and lost in mire of

W T F do I dooooooooooooo???????

Happy holidays, summer weather calls for unseasonal exposure of limbs recently put under wraps for winter.............

smile and wave

Misspixietrix · 01/10/2011 12:37

aaaagggghh! so angry today I could scream! stbx promised DC's yesterday that he'd take them out to the park today, spent all night ferrying his fellow breed of twats around & guess what? now he's too tired to take his own bloody DC's out! And I could bet each & everyone of you on here 100 each that come 5pm when he gets a phone call from another twat friend, he won't be too tired to go with them! can't wait until we're out of this shithole! I'm going to re-book my driving lessons so when