MYODD a few things that you have said stood out to me.
It's that permission giving process I need to nip in the bud before it gets to the stage that I take a drink.
I was wondering, what strategies do you currently use to 'nip it in the bud'. Do you try to use willpower or do you just 'give in to it'. The reason I ask is that for me, and many others on this thread, we use distraction and support until the urge passes.
I didn't come here to make polite chit-chat about what I was having for lunch or to be told that I'm awesome for finally making a commitment to dealing with an issue I should have dealt with once and for all years ago.
This 'chit chat' is often a strategy we use to stop ourselves from drinking. We talk about recipes because on a Friday night when the bottle calls we can get off our arse and start cooking or baking. Or sewing, or exercising or any one of the seemingly trivial things we talk about. There is a point to the 'chit-chat'.
Some of us drink because we are lonely or bored or angry. Or we can come onto this thread and chat, share or rant. It stops us taking that first drink. It nips it in the bud.
I came here because I want to talk about the real stuff. I want to explore my issues and talk about my fears about abstinence. I want to talk about these things with people who know where I'm coming from. I would hope that others would gain something from these conversations too as I assume a lot of us have the same fears and issues.
Good. That is what you were doing. Why did you leave? If you have unintentionally upset someone, just apologise. No big deal. Start afresh. Every day is a new day on this bus 
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I don't subscribe to the 'alcoholism as disease' way of thinking
Neither do I. Or many others. Some do, some don't. Some are alkies, some aren't. Let's not divide ourselves by our differences. Let's support each other with our common problem - we all have a problem with drink. It's what unites us and together we are working to beat it (or at least stop it beating us).
I absolutely believe that stopping drinking is the same as stopping anything else. You decide to stop and you stick to it. Full stop.
Ah if only it were that simple, eh?
I judge myself harshly for not having the strength to just do what I need to do which is stop drinking. For good.
We are our own worst critics. I would say just be kind to yourself.
Finally, sorry for such a long post considering you might not even read it, if you do decide to join us on the bus I have lots of other questions/wonderings about your drinking which might be food for thought. (Going down the exploring issues and talking about fears etc. route).