The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Blowing Away The Booze In The Autumn Breeze.

[Mouseface]

Hello.

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

I'm mouse and I have an abusive relationship with alcohol. I can't have just the one drink, ever.

I'm not alone here, there are Babes who are sober and have been for some time, Babes who are still drinking and trying their best to stop or cut down and then there are Babes who aren't ready to stop drinking. Yet.

So, why not come and say hi?

No judgy pants allowed on here I'm afraid, cakes and cheeses are!

And for those who want to know a bit more about the Bus, HERE is our journey so far.

thurso - i find i have a 'peole' which i have trouble with while hopping up and down on the doorstep fishing about for a key in the depths of my handbag while shouting at dh 'for gods sake let me in, im dessspeerate'!

Dear god you lot are chatty today. Hello! Any argie bargie aside:

MYODD - I find it hard to relate to the one day at a time thing too, as in day one, day two I heard someone say at a meeting once that the person in the AA meeting room who had been sober the longest was the person who got up earliest this morning because the idea is that you don't even think about tomorrow or yesterday. I like that The woman talking last night was celebrating her 22nd sober birthday (!) but they celebrated 8035 one days at a time.

Also, out of interest, for those that are now sober and are dating, what the hell do you say to a new date about not drinking? I'm not single so not dating, but there are thousands upon thousands of people out there who do not drink. Or who drink very occasionally. Or who have one glass of wine and that's enough. We are the odd ones wanting to stuff as much alcohol down our necks in the shortest possible time. I think it's well worth remembering that. Non-alcoholics, if you turn down a drink, will most likely think you don't like the taste or the effect or that you have to get up early in the morning. You don't necessarily have to make any other excuse other than that you don't fancy it, leave the explanations until later!

I think it's inevitable when you have a bunch of people with a common problem in one place that they will eventually talk about things other than the problem itself. You can either chose to join in with that or you can chose to sidestep it if you're not in the mood. I do both depending on what's going on in my head/life. I've had amazing support on this thread with regards to my difficulties with my teenaged daughter here which aren't related specifically to my problems with alcohol. I wouldn't talk to MN in general about this because I am largely unknown around the boards as I'm not prolific and I don't feel I would get the right kind of understanding without making it expressly clear that I am an alcoholic. Alcoholics understand alcoholics so here is a safe place for me to air them.

MYODD I'm sure that if you decide that really this is the right place for you that you will be welcomed.

do bears shit in the woods?

Hey MOUSE , I think we'll be on a new thread by the end of the day .

sorry! that was to answer thurso about driving in heels!

I read that JWN and wondered what on earth you were talking about , Durrr!

X posted !!

I'd love a jag! but heated seats make me think that I've wet myself.

i may well have done!

Souncdrel at heated seats making you think you had wet yourself and even more at JWN saying she may well have done ...

How the heck did I turn Scoundrel into Souncdrel

I'm sorry to hear your sister is being so un-supportive notevenamousie. I hope she has a change of heart soon. Any chance you might see them at Christmas ?

i'm probably speaking too soon (day 4) but so far i'm finding it much easier having a far away goal. when i was doing the day at a time thing it was always open for negotiation for me - the decision could always be made and was always on my mind, will i drink today? etc. what i'm hoping is that come halloween i won't even want a drink or i'll have one ritual glass to toast in the next stage of the year and then bin it till solstice.

i'm loving knowing the decision is made already.

hope it lasts

ds is having post school chocolate brioche and a pear and then we are taking the dog for a walk apparently. have done well with food so far today despite still no sign of period but later at night is my danger zone food wise at the minute.

i waffle on about all sorts on here. sorry to anyone it irks but i do think it helps with the non drinking and feeling like we're all in it together and pulling each other through.

saf - what do think of tarot cards? - i recently bought myself a set and im really getting into using them (only for myself, not looking at for anyone else) im sorry if they are not part of your religion, im a bit clueless tbh, i go occasionally to a spiritualist church and feel that the passing of the seasons is something that should be marked in some way iyswim? in fact, over the last year and a bit, its something i feel more than ever, soberity has given me a clearer cleaner mind to look more closely at what i believe in, a real benefit in my eyes!

OOps, am crying,

just had a lovely phone call from DC2 who said that he thought I would want to speak to him every day this week (who me? ), and he didn't want me to get an ansaphone, so will ring me. Obviously so that I don't ring when he is in the midst of fresher activities , but so happy that he thought of it and wanted to chat and tell me about his day.

So despite me stalking him on youtube and wandering into his bedroom to smell his bed tidy up, I know that his place is there now, he is growing up! (can't bring myself to say "grown up" just yet!

Ma I hope you have a lovely evening with DD, what time do you go the airport tomorrow? Sending much love, and hugs to say I know how you feel.
xx

thurso, i know you think he is being thoughtful (and he is!) but really woman, dont forget that he phoned you today because he needed to hear your voice! its all new to him, its all big and scary and my word!!, its lovely to hear mums voice in the midst of it all! however big he is, he still needs his mum!! now he has spoken to you, got that warm feeling from knowing you are still at the end of the phone he now is off to get pissed and pull birds!!

JWN bloody hell, in my self absorption, I didn't think of that! I feel even better now, thinking that, although he is happy (no small thing, DC1 rang many a time, tearful) he still wants me!!
Thank you xxxxxx

By the way, can I just clear something up? When I said I'll go back to just keep trying to deal with my crap as best I can I did NOT mean that I was just going to go off and keep drinking!

I'm not given to that sort of emotional blackmail - boo hoo be nice to me or I'm going to go and have a drink - not my style at all. I would never blame anyone else for my decision to drink.

What I meant was that I was going to go back and deal with being sober as best I could. I don't intend to drink again. But I know this message board and other recovery support places won't suit me because I don't subscribe to the 'alcoholism as disease' way of thinking.

I know in my heart that it's a question of my not trying hard enough. I can not drink, if I couldn't I would be drinking now. The only person responsible for whether I choose to drink or not is me. When I have relapsed in the past it is because somewhere along the line I have caved and given myself permission to drink. It's that permission giving process I need to nip in the bud before it gets to the stage that I take a drink.

I absolutely believe that stopping drinking is the same as stopping anything else. You decide to stop and you stick to it. Full stop. No need for meetings, message boards, sponsors (although of course support is always nice and I can see that it's a lifeline to a lot of people.)

So that's what I meant when I said I was going to go off and deal with my crap the best way I could. I can live with being thought of as rude and ignorant (I don't accept that I am anyway) but I am no emotional blackmailer.

course he does you dafty!!! i realised a while ago that dd phones me just to check im still about!, every so often she just needs the rearrausrance (sp? ) that we are still here, everything at home is fine and she is able to carry on with growing up safe in the knowledge that mummy and daddy still love her!

I guess it takes some people longer than others to trust and forgive - that's ok with me. Also, people don't get alcoholism and some people choose never to forgive and that has to be ok too. As long as I've done my bit, etc.
I am trying not to project to Christmas - first sober Christmas, and first without my mum, on a background of having hated it and struggled massively with January mood dips since childhood.

But jwn telling how her relationship with her DH has changed in sobriety shows me that it can be possible.

I think we get to make our own family really - another little girl at church has decided to come and sit with DD and I the past few Sundays (her parents know my background) - that will do for me :)

Myodd you came here very open minded. I can hear doors closing. I hope you have success in your way of dealing with things (and there are ladies who post here who also either don't believe in alcoholism or believe in it but don't (think they) have it) and find not just dry-ness but sobriety because it's the best thing I've ever had.

can't even be arsed with that.

MYODD - you are welcome to stick around with us, there is loads of good advice here for when the going gets tough, even having soemone just to rant and stamp at about the unfairness of it all can help sometimes - fwiw, i have made what i consider to be some life long friends on here, we talk on the phone/meet up etc, im not sure that 'official' organisations are always right for some people and if you find a way that works for you then great! but remember we are here, we will try and help if we can and you neednt try and do it alone! as a board of very different people we do have the odd spat, its nothing at the end of the day, the most important thing is getting sober, staying sober and starting life again on YOUR terms, not being dictated to by the liquid in a bottle!

Wow!!

I go for some fresh air with the gorgeous Nemo and come back to Jesus driving a Jag, (finally), Saf wearing cream blusher, (finally, welcome to the club ) and an offer of dinner out from DH.

The committee meeting has been cancelled so we are going to the pub for dinner. I AM NOT DRINKING ALCOHOL because I don't want to. I truly don't. I want my fresh OJ and lemonade. And I want Saf's lemon ice cubes in it!

I will be back later in case we do need a new thread but if I'm not here in time, please someone call me or text me?

Obrigada - glad you are back my lovely

Scoundrel - hello! glad you managed to catch up on all of the nattering here today.

It's such a beautiful evening that would normally be so so dangerous for me. An ice cold cider would have my name on it, and at least the one! Weirdly, the craving is just not there.

Maybe this recent episode of horrific pooing and puking D&V made me value my health a little more who knows. A wake up call? Maybe. About time? YES!