The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Blowing Away The Booze In The Autumn Breeze.

[Mouseface]

Hello.

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

I'm mouse and I have an abusive relationship with alcohol. I can't have just the one drink, ever.

I'm not alone here, there are Babes who are sober and have been for some time, Babes who are still drinking and trying their best to stop or cut down and then there are Babes who aren't ready to stop drinking. Yet.

So, why not come and say hi?

No judgy pants allowed on here I'm afraid, cakes and cheeses are!

And for those who want to know a bit more about the Bus, HERE is our journey so far.

Ma no sober sex for you tonight then?

lol @ fairie - you are very amusing this evening!!

Bafana that will be because I am now on Day 8 and living proof that I am better company when sober .

"sober sex?" have to be drunk to get through it
indie bring it on,sister!!! Could comment on all Gerald's scrapes and dents, but refrains. You drive like a loony. No wonder we all drink!!!

happy birthday evening isindi!

ohh wow!!! all the posts today have been so close to how i have felt/feel i actually feel a bit bruised! i used to think i was the life and soul of the party, that i was witty and funny - nah!!, i was just a drunken old hag making a show of her self i thought that life without the booze would be a joyless soulless miserable carry on, i really couldnt see that the booze was making everything so fucking shitty, my dh and dd had miserable lives while i 'made merry'!

honest to god, since i stopped i feel my soul has returned, i have a peace and a calmness and im definatly the life and soul of any party! , i can chat and laugh and dance till dawn, my make-up stays in place and my clothes arnt torn or dirty and my eyes are bright and shiny in the morning! AND, if i find myself bored, i can drive myself home!! (in my new car which is a whole other thread! its so fast i have fightened myself daft this weekend! go on!!! ask me what it is!!! ) i still stamp my feet now and again, i would love to not be an alcoholic, i would love to drink till i felt the warm fuzzy bit and then stop, but hey, i would also like to be a size 8 with no wrinkles and natural blonde hair - i have decided to look upon my alcoholism as part of my life story, like the wrinkles round my eyes and the streach marks on my thighs - i have laughed, loved, hated, given birth, nurtured...... it goes on and so does my life, i just dont need to add booze into the mix anymore!

btw, when things get really tough i now think about the millions of muslims who seem to be quite capable of having wonderful fullfilling happy lives (and pretty riotous partys! ) without ever touching a drop!! if they can, then so can anyone else, its not obligitry!!

btw - silver, you had better come back and sort me out, my spelling is getting worse!!

Makeyourown

Can I aks you a question? Can you run 100m in under 10 seconds? Nor can I. It's a shame because, if I could, my life would be better and easier in all sorts of ways.

Now, I'm going to get accused of being flippant and unhelpful here, I'm sure. But it's a very serious point. My life got better when I made an admission to myself, nearly nine years ago, that drinking for me was not possible. I am sure that, FOR OTHER PEOPLE, drinking is fun. It certainly looks it. And it probably helps them accomplish all sorts of things, socially, emotionally and professionally. If I thought that it could help me too, I would join them.

But, in exactly the same way that I can't run 100m in under 10 seconds, I can't drink that way. I've given it my best shot and it doesn't work. Wishing I could doesn't help; trying really hard doesn't help; using my willpower doesn't help. I just can't do it.

So I don't. I get on with my life without it, the same as I catch buses by leaving the house a minute earlier than I would if I could run 100m in 10 seconds. No sense crying over it; it's just one of my limitations. Externally, I don't look THAT much different from the people who can run 100m in 10 seconds; but they can, and I can't.

So, they can have fun with a drink at a party. That's nice for them. But I CAN'T. If I could, I would. But my actual choice is, shit evening with a drink, or an evening that could go either way without a drink. Horror of horrors, I have to see how things pan out and actually put some leg work in if I want a good evening, because the magic potion no longer works. I DO know that, for me, dates are absolutely HORRIFIC with a drink - if I wanted someone to hate me, be bored by me and possibly leave early in tears, then a drink would be an excellent start. Dates without? Some good, some bad, all better than they would be with a drink.

And the cool kids drinking? It's been a hard lesson to learn, but maybe, just maybe, I'm not that cool, and I'm never going to be able to become cool in that sense. Hey ho. These days I'm an adult, so there's more to me, I like to think, than just being cool.

"I don't believe people when they say social situations are better without it - I secretly think they're just saying that to make themselves feel better about the fact that they can't have a drink." I can't make you believe me. But I would rather punch myself in the face than drink alcohol. Because MY evenings are far, FAR worse with alcohol than without it.

As for the fear of life without a drink - I felt that too. We all do. Luckily, it turns out not to be true. You could not pay me enough money to go back to how my life was.

And I suspect that, deep down, you feel a little bit the same about life with a drink, which is why you're hoping to sort it out.

Hope this has been some help to you, or if not you then someone else. Feel free to PM me if that would help you.

Sean

Wow this thread is fast. Lots of food for thought. So many sad stories, so much straight talking.

Day 7 completed. A whole week. I don't think I've done that in my whole adult life. It's not been easy at times. DH has been trying not to drink in front of me too much, but I'm aware that he's sneaking off to have a beer, etc. And I wanted to yell at him for the chilled glass of white he was drinking at dinner yesterday. I hope this doesn't descend too much into a point of contention.

I've also been doing the

Oops posted too soon. I've also been wondering about the "what sort of drinker should I be categorised as" question, like some. And also DH. To be fair, I think he would struggle much more than I to give up. I've not nagged him to join me because I think I know the answer will be negative.

Sad really because already I'm feeling more positive. I'm liking Bafana's posts. I want some of that.

Btw I've also told DH I'm spending my part of the drinking budget on a iPad.

Oh and belated happy birthday to isinde

oh damn :( I had my two glasses, to be honest I was too scared about what would happen to me if I didnt, but where I should be fast asleep and feeling good when I wake up, I cant sleep a wink and I am lying here worrying and fretting about everything... I just cannot relax.

Does drinking too much make you a nervous wreck? I have been like that lately. The least little noise and I jump out of my skin.

Things always seem worse in the middle of the night :(

I have at least had your kind comments to read, helps a lot, thank you. Well, back to bed I suppose.

IWW yes, I believe alcohol makes you feel like that. I am only entering day 3 of sobriety and am already feeling a little calmer. Fwiw, I was drinking similar to levels of wine to you.

myodd I was thinking about your posts last night and my own relationship with alcohol, and I think it's worth you thinking of alcohol as a relationship. If you were to say: I have this great boyfriend. We have a wonderful time together, but every 5-10 times we go out, he beats the crap out of me, humiliates me in front of my friends and leaves me feeling like shit.... Would you even think of continuing with that relationship? My guess is not!

Well, day 3 for me. And no morning craving this morning
Wishing everyone happy days.

Hi nmb Well done you :) I am feeling better, I must say. Managed to get back to sleep but had dreams I was running around peoples houses looking for something, my clothes I think, at least I was in my nightwear and not starkers lol...

You have a great day.

I will be back later for sure!

I think it's worth you thinking of alcohol as a relationship. If you were to say: I have this great boyfriend. We have a wonderful time together, but every 5-10 times we go out, he beats the crap out of me, humiliates me in front of my friends and leaves me feeling like shit.... Would you even think of continuing with that relationship?

Great analogy NMB.

Have lovely days people. Today I will not be drinking. Or eating cake. x

nomorebeer and NewlyLush well done - you've done something huge this week!

Urgh, I have to give up cake too?! Actually, I probably should - unlike bafana my weight has gone up (along with my serenity) and refined sugar is probably the biggest of my old behaviours that still need tackling. Not ready yet I don't think or maybe I'm just a coward/ in denial

i love the relationship analogy

fairenuff - i thought you were listing all the cake you ate! hence me saying, surely you're exaggerating!!! i thought you had hollow legs or something.

day 4 here - going well really.

Morning,

lots of threads, afraid I am struggling to catch up but ...

Bafana your posts are amazing. you really are inspiring me, thank you.

Faire admist all the serious posts I was most horrorstruck by the thought of you facing all that cake! I cannot believe you resisted.

MIF just wanted to say its nice to see you back here. hope the MIF family are all doing well.

WYODD you've had some excellent advice here. All I can add is that even if you don't think that life will be more fun without drink, do you really think that it is better with drink? When I first came I was advised to make a list of all the things I wouldn't miss about drinking. It was quite telling how much booze influenced me. You still seem of the mindset that alcohol is your friend? It isn't honestly.

Isinde have you heard about the contract? I love that you bring a little Shakespeare to the thread

Mouse hope you are ok, thinking of you ((( ))) and yes, you need to keep at it .

JWN I also want to be size 8 without wrinkles and to have swishy hair. I also want to be stylish, so I suspect you have one on me!! Do you think if we wish hard enough it will happen?? I also wondered if you ever look back on these posts and think of your first ever post .. who knew back then that you would inspire so many people. It's wonderful that your first post has created this thread and helped so many people.

Red someone else mentioned you and in case you ever lurk I am thinking of you, I always come on here and hope to see your name. I hope you are doing ok.

saf day 4. Yay us!! DH is out tonight so difficult one for me. I am debating working vs sobfest watching Private Practice. I used to love it but haven't watched it since we lost Betsy (its lovely to write her name). Perhaps I can do both... Not drinking though.

All ok here, worked v hard last night and hopefully will have a good work day day. I had a bit of a lie in which is good (DD slept till 6.45!!). A night of horrible nightmares about DD though, too horrible to put into words but I remember holding DD in my dream and thinking that if we had to die together at least she was in my arms. I just wanted her to look into my arms and know that she was safe. So what does that mean then? (lordy I am sobbing into my coffee now).

Right, I've probably cross posted with 10 posts by now. xx

look into my eyes dammit. not arms. my arms are not that special.

Morning lovely ladies,

I have been guilty of lurking and sucking support out of the thread and not posting much at all, but definitely doing better.

I guess although it sounds silly I think I needed to grieve for alcohol, I did drink at the weekend but sensibly (for me) just shared one bottle with my DP and can relate to lots of your recent postings. So I am getting my life back which is good.

Indie a belated happy birthday

mouse I am pleased you are on the mend now it sounded awful.

Waves to all the other passengers on the bus

all sorts of emotion will need to express and work through i'm thinking msgee - hard as it is i suspect you can see it as a good sign that your unconscious is processing and working things through x

was it only me who read it as faire actually ATE all that cake?

day 4 yes well done us msgee. well done on the working evening. i vote for a night off work - don't know what private practice is but am at the end of a phone if it gets too emotional.

wellies i don't think that that grieving is uncommon - think lots do it from what i've seen.

this is my first real attempt at a long spell without any alcohol. i know for most one day at a time is what works but for me this time i need a goal. i need to know what i'm aiming for and work to stick at it. for me the one day at a time ends up just giving me license to drink. so i'm not drinking till at least halloween etc.

Morning all.

noteven. Thank you so much for the verbal pat on the back. Was surprised how good that felt. DH hasn't said much to that effect, probably because he's afraid I will try to sober him up too. I haven't read back through the threads but I gather you've been through a terrible time and I'm so glad things are looking up.

MsGee. Nightmares about DC can be so traumatic can't they. Your post made me well up thinking about a similar nightmare I had about my DD a couple of months ago. I guess we just have to rationalise it as our brains trying to deal with our darkest fears. But not easy.