The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Blowing Away The Booze In The Autumn Breeze.

[Mouseface]

Hello.

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

I'm mouse and I have an abusive relationship with alcohol. I can't have just the one drink, ever.

I'm not alone here, there are Babes who are sober and have been for some time, Babes who are still drinking and trying their best to stop or cut down and then there are Babes who aren't ready to stop drinking. Yet.

So, why not come and say hi?

No judgy pants allowed on here I'm afraid, cakes and cheeses are!

And for those who want to know a bit more about the Bus, HERE is our journey so far.

sorry newlylush i meant to say a big well done on a week too!

Morning MsGee, dreams can be horrid can't they.

MYODD I was itching to post when you said you'd been warned off your local AA because of the 50 year old men, so this is my considered advice:

Having attended some 300 meetings in the past 2 years I have noticed that men are in the majority, but normally there are about a third women. This was important in the early days and I would keep a tally of the similar women, whether they had children, whether they had a similar life to me; now I rarely notice another alcoholic's superficial similarities to me, rather I hear the practical things that they are doing every day dealing with the most important thing in my life.

That's the 'only' thing I get from AA. Practical suggestions for a life beyond my wildest dreams.

You sound very open to the idea of going to AA, and I think that openness will stand you in good stead. At the moment finding a solution to this one problem is the most important thing in your life.

Keep that in mind.

HTH

at SaF. No worries. This thread is so fast moving I'm surprised how anyone keeps up. Your Halloween goal sounds good to me (although I'm still focussing on an iPad!)

nomorebeer that is a great analogy and one I can really relate to.

I do realise how petulant I'm sounding and I want everyone to know I really do appreciate all the wise words of support I'm receiving on this thread. Perhaps it's telling that one more aspect of my relationship with booze is that I act like a stroppy teenager at the idea of not being able to have any!

I do want to be sober. I've told myself no more many many times. I know how fucked my relationship with alcohol is. I just find it really really hard. I've self medicated low self-esteem, fear, and a lack of confidence with this stuff since the age of fourteen! It really is the habit of a lifetime.

I find it hard to relate to the one day at a time thing too, as in day one, day two, because while I have had phases of drinking every day, that doesn't tend to be my pattern, certainly not in the last few years. As I've said before I can go weeks without drinking. I might feel slightly tempted and deliberately avoid the booze aisle at the supermarket but it is not a huge struggle for me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even if I have not drunk anything for a month I don't necessarily feel any further forward, because I know I still could cave any time if there's a social situation where people I want to hang out with are drinking. Perhaps I need to take it one social situation at a time....

Good Morning Babes

I'm BACK!!!! Almost back to 100% anyway. DD is much better and has nailed a bowl of cereal, DH has gone off to meetings for the day and little Nemo is sat watching CBeebies with me all snuggly and warm.

It is a glorious Autumn morning with frosted spider webs glistening in the sunshine, bright orange leaves and the dark silhouetted trees, and a smell so fresh that you could stand and breath it in all day long, a musky, yet crisp smell.

Day 6 here I come which may be tricky later as I have a committee meeting in the pub (if it's still on) so I PLAN to have a fresh orange and lemonade in a tall glass with ice. I really don't miss drinking right at this moment. I thought I would.

I just feel that it's something I can live without for today. Through force, yes, previously, but not now. Now, today I chose NOT TO DRINK ALCOHOL.

"Does drinking too much make you a nervous wreck?"

Hell, yes!

Also, out of interest, for those that are now sober and are dating, what the hell do you say to a new date about not drinking?

You go to a bar, a restaurant, and order a non-alcoholic drink and your date is going to wonder why. If you tell them you don't drink, then let's face it a lot of people are going to assume you're an alcoholic, which you are. One way or another the issue is going to eventually come up.

Then what? Your date is going to think 'arrrgh, issues!' and run for the hills. We all know that if we posted in relationships saying I've met this great guy but he's a recovering alcoholic, then we'd get a barrage of replies telling us not to go there.

And if I'm brutally honest I know that I would not choose to date a recovering alcoholic. They could relapse at any time and my relationship would fall down around my ears. I've got three kids to think about.

I feel like this shit is ruining my life! If I carry on drinking, then I have the consequences of that to deal with. If I stop, the consequences aren't all that much better - that's how it feels

This seems like such a friendly bus do you mind if I hop on for a few stops and have a chat ? Not quite sure I've got the right bus pass though regarding relationship with alcohol as fortunately things haven't got too out of hand in that regard (but I can see how they would) , but hoping the no judgey pants rule might extend to me too !
Basically I saw another poster on another thread called "jugglingandstruggling" and feel that could be my name sometimes. Was drinking more wine than I should over the last few years to get me through the working week, and more at the weekend because like d-ma haven't had sober sex for a long time.
Am now working less hours ( as one year contract came to an end recently) and generally feeling better with this (though slightly disappointed they didn't want to keep me on) - less stressed out anyhow - so not drinking so much during the week. But don't know if we can afford to live with this reduced income so may need to look for similar work as I was doing before soon.
Relationship with DH is not always what it should be as he can be quite an angry person (In short bursts when he gets himself stressed eg. in car, or before people come over) He is a good Dad though, and I'd rather bring up the DC's in partnership with him than on my own as I find that a real struggle. DH works away quite a bit and is away for a week at the mo - left yesterday.
Spoke to my GP about diet and drinking the other day and she basically reminded me of the 14 units a week limit as a good target. I probably do drink more than that - as in several bottles of red wine get consumed in this household over the week, though as sharing with DH am not great at keeping count ! (He also drinks beer as well) I'd say we're both drinking somewhere around the limit, or over.
Anyhow like others I've heard on here I'd like to at least keep the drinking to the weekend. What do you all think I should do about my work situation ? Do you think I should be looking to increase my hours with a new job ? Probably will need to at some point.
Good to have a chat with you all, especially as I've seen lots of you on other threads too. At least now I've hopped on the bus for a while it will be easier to catch it another time ( as in it will pop up on "threads I'm on" ) Just didn't want it to pass out of sight over the horizon !
But I didn't mean to "high-jack" the bus
Have a good day everyone - I'm going into town today to pick up a few things for the DC's from the music shop.
Perhaps if I could keep a seat on the bus just for this week I could let a few of you know how things are going while DH is away ?
Good to get to know you all a bit better, thanks for the friendly ride !

Myodd One day at a time doesn't have to mean day one, day two, it's more saying that we (I) aren't swearing off, just not drinking today. And deal with another day when it comes along.
I know when my sobriety date is but I always have to then work out how long it's been (a bit like with birthdays - how old is x, well, she was born in 1985 - or whatever) so I would say that I try and live ODAAT but I don't (for now, for me) count days.
sAf yes it was just you (sorry couldn't resist)

I have dairy free chocolate marshmallow cakes here - though significantly less of them than I did have!

"I find it hard to relate to the one day at a time thing too, as in day one, day two" - that's because one day at a time ISN'T "day one, day two" - it's day one, day one, day one, day one ... That doesn't mean that you drink every day (one day at a time, I haven't drunk for nearly nine years) - it means that, every day, the only day that matters is today. Say you drank yesterday. That was maybe foolish. You probably feel shit. But it has no impact on your likely success in not drinking TODAY. Say you've got a big boozy works party to attend tomorrow and you can't see a way of getting out of it. That will probably be testing. But it's TOMORROW and has no impact on your likely success in not drinking TODAY.

So many people say, "I'm not going to drink for 2 weeks/2 months/till Xmas" and, for some of them, it works (though it never worked for me - I've only ever seen it work for people who don't have a drink problem, to be honest.) Anyway, say it does work - then what? It's not like you're cured. If you drink again, you'll probably drink unwisely again. So, 2 weeks/months/Xmas from now, you're back to square one anyway - except now, a very dangerous part of your brain is saying, "two whole weeks/months! Perhaps this time will be different. I'll just have one." Cue the madness.

All one day at a time means is that, for today, I am going to concentrate on today. I will worry about tomorrow tomorrow and try not to beat myself up about yesterday because I can't change it. TODAY, and ONLY today, is what matters.

Any help?

x post with half the world as usual!! :)

yes MIFLAW that makes a lot of sense. The concept is easier to understand when explained in those terms. Definitely not drinking today

LOTS OF PEOPLE DON"T DRINK - only us drinkers think it's weird if someone orders a soft drink and that's mostly because it makes us feel uncomfortable about our drinking.

people order a softdrink because:

• they're thirsty
• they fancy one
• they don't fancy any alcohol
• they don't like drinking
• they're on a diet
• they prefer not to assess their date through a haze of booze
• they are capable of enjoying a date without having to get tipsy

etc etc etc.

if someone gives you a hard time or interrogates you about not having a drink then hoorah! they've saved you the bother of dating them again because they've revealed they have a drinking problem.

One day at a time seems like a great philosophy in general MIFLAW
Perhaps I'll try thinking of things like that this week til DH gets back.

swallowedAfly that is not true. I don't know anybody who doesn't drink - actually, maybe one other person. That's it.

I've have never ever ever been on a date with someone who didn't drink.

You know very well that drinking is a social norm.

However, I did once go on a date where I wasn't drinking and I told the guy I didn't drink. He got really sort of stiff (ha ha not in a good way) and said, 'Oh. Any reason for that?' Which I thought was quite intrusive - why on earth would I be discussing those sorts of issues on a first date?

Do you think that meant he had a problem with alcohol?

Another reason people don't drink is if they're driving. That could definitely be applicable in a date situation as a good excuse/ reason.
Just say "Oh, I'm not drinking because I'm driving later"

Exactly Saf - If I order a Diet Coke, no-one looks at me as if I'm mad and drinking paint stripper although some might disagree with that!

As Saf says, the only person who knows you have a problem with alcohol is YOU. So what if you order a soft drink.

If you feel uncomfortable, you can use the old driving/antibiotics/early start excuses at first until you get to know someone. It's up to YOU not them what you feel comfortable with.

Tell them as much or as little as you like.

Do you think MYODD that YOU would run for the hills if you found out someone was a recovering alcoholic? Is that why you think someone else would if you were honest with them?

I think anyone worth their salt would actually want to get to know the real you so stick around. Surely, honesty is best right from the start? What would you do if you found out further down the line that your date had lied and he too was a recovering alkie? You'd ask why he didn't tell you, wouldn't you? Even though you could see why, you'd be a bit hurt as to the 'cover up'.

But it;'s early days and you are worrying about something that has not happened yet.

Get comfy in your own skin for a while. Get to where you want to be and then worry about everything else.

You can do this, really you can. xx

X posted

yes juggling there's always that isn't there, at least until you have got to know someone for a few dates. But still, eventually the issue will come up.

and what's wrong with saying oh i'm shit with alcohol - tend to get drunk way too easily and make an arse of myself so have learnt not to bother and smile and move on.

it is quite possible that you yourself have been choosing the company of drinkers. i know lots of people who might order that diet coke instead of a beer at the pub. you honestly don't know anyone who ever orders a soft drink? really?

i also had a friend who hated the taste of all alcoholic drinks. another who was allergic to tanine and had to give up red wine and beer etc and ended up just not bothering to drink anymore because she couldn't have any of the drinks that she used to enjoy.

i've known people who just had never gotten into drinking (my drinker head used to eye them suspiciously as if there was something wrong with them but i doubt other people without drinker heads would have been thinking the same).

i'm honestly not lying.

MIFLAW - wise words as always...
I actually come from a family of non (or at least minimal) drinkers - I am the exception. I do get that lots of people see non-drinkers as weird, but those people who matter in your life shouldn't. I am up front and just say I am not drinking.
For me it is a realisation I am using booze as either a crutch in social situations, or so I don't have to face up and deal with things. It is easier to have a drink instead. I need to reasses my relationship with booze and get my life back....

Yes Mouseface I would be incredibly wary if someone revealed they were a recovering alcoholic, although if they had been sober for many years that might make a difference to how I felt.

I would take my hat off to them for dealing with their issue. I would think that they were brave and doing the right thing. But I wouldn't want to enter into a relationship with them.

To be honest I would feel especially uncomfortable if it was something they revealed very early on (as in the first few dates.) Intimate self-disclosure made early on to someone you don't know indicates a lack of boundaries to me. If somebody does that, they are not playing by the rules of engagement and what's more, they don't care what you think or feel about it. It's the sort of thing you do when you're pissed!

However, I wouldn't mind maybe saying something along the lines of 'Because I'm no good at it, I'm afraid I can't really handle my drink' if someone asked me why I didn't drink. Which isn't a lie...