Not smutty - genuine question - you must answer honestly!

[handlemecarefully]

Sorry to ask such an intimate question but I would like to know how often you and your partner have sex (and how old your children are...because I wonder if the two are related).

Don't post unless you are going to be honest.

I'll go first: only about once every other month! (so about 6x per year) - due to my total disinterest...(currently seeking help to find my missing libido - poor dh ). Children are 19m (immaculate conception!) and 3.5

The reason I wish to know is that this is a taboo subject which people understandably don't always discuss, and I just want to get a feel for the 'norm'. Was particularly prompted to ask after geekgrrl's thread where she mentioned that she and her dh get jiggy with it twice per week and people jokingly bantered that he should consider himself lucky. So I suspect that there are some relationships where it is infrequent.

I'm not after any gratuitous details!

hmc, I do love your homework!

I think there must be a hormonal element - my body has definitely changed since having the kids. I can no longer tolerate the pill etc. so I'm convinced there is some medical element.

I do think lack of sex drive has a lot to do with your own self-image and happiness.

I don't really want to reveal ours but I do find that I am much more up for it in the middle of the month (ovulation time) and just before my period than I am at any other time (again, suggests hormonal factors).

I also find that dh going away on business has a very beneficial effect on our sex life (when he gets back from a trip abroad!).

you need to go out together nad get pissed hmc

oh yes, alcohol definitely helps!

Well I was asked not to let this thread die....

Fish - unfortunately getting bevvied only sends me to sleep

I think the thread is revelationary - i.e how widespread libido problems are. It's interesting that a number of posters say that more you do it the easier it gets. My sex therapist maintains that habit is a large part of it.

We did our homework and it was really quite nice. We had some mood lighting with candles, a roaring fire, and talked (avoiding the subject of children and work as prescribed), followed by the reciprocal back massage.....and you know what, rather than feeling really contrived and artificial it did feel romantic and close.

Dh as usual was 'up for it' but we had been told by our therapist that we are not allowed to have sex currently...but if that embargo hadn't been in place I would have been a more willing participant than usual.

Another homework session this evening and a 9.00 am appointment with the therapist tomorrow!

DH and I have sex around 2-4x wk, but we r ttc atm otherwise it might b a bit less. kids r 7, 4 and 8m.

Don't think it is anything to do with post baby hormones and being exhausted, think it is about finding partner attractive. DD is 3 and DSS 9 & 7. On average we have about 6.5 hours sleep and hectic jobs, lots of flights etc.

But my sex life has never been better 5 times on average a week and more if our jobs permit. I am probably unusual though as I never had sex with biological father of DD after I gave birth (as he left) met new partner 10 months after birth and things are great and still improving. We diarise one night a week to dedicate to sex as determined to make time.

I think that a new partner can make you overcome the breastfeeding/young kids tiredness etc but a long term relationship is harder to keep sparky at that time.

I always had a high sex drive til I had kids and like others have said sex became just another demand on my body and an invasion of my space and I didn't want it at all.

The father of my dds (7 and 5) left when dd2 was a baby and I am now with a new man and we are at it all the time however tired we are but I am making the most of that as I know it won't last! I am interested in any tips you ladies have for keeping the spark going though as I really want us to keep up some level of intimacy because I love it and I know what can happen when you lose it.

every other day, unless its time of month.
sometimes every third day.

Ive just read the original post and the latest posts on this thread. To answer honestly DH would leave his job if it meant doing it all day But seeing as this is not practical, we usually fit in 6/7 times a week unless af has come to stay. We have one ds who is quite a handful and dh works shifts so were fairly tired most days. But i think the more you do it the more you want it. Also i find if you have time to yourself in the week without kids etc you feel more rested and relaxed, so want to do it more. I started putting ds into a nursery since september just for a few hours, to give him nursery/ school experience and me a rest, have found sex life has further benefitted, especially if dh at home, as will forgoe his sleep if nooky on the menu. I have also found that having a dh or dp who helps at home, even if its just a little really helps and makes you value them more and therefore you feel sexier too.

Thought it was going to happen last night... then he just turned away - what is WRONG with him?

[fume]

Much much more since he had the snip!