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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not smutty - genuine question - you must answer honestly!

161 replies

handlemecarefully · 14/12/2005 15:58

Sorry to ask such an intimate question but I would like to know how often you and your partner have sex (and how old your children are...because I wonder if the two are related).

Don't post unless you are going to be honest.

I'll go first: only about once every other month! (so about 6x per year) - due to my total disinterest...(currently seeking help to find my missing libido - poor dh ). Children are 19m (immaculate conception!) and 3.5

The reason I wish to know is that this is a taboo subject which people understandably don't always discuss, and I just want to get a feel for the 'norm'. Was particularly prompted to ask after geekgrrl's thread where she mentioned that she and her dh get jiggy with it twice per week and people jokingly bantered that he should consider himself lucky. So I suspect that there are some relationships where it is infrequent.

I'm not after any gratuitous details!

OP posts:
hativity · 14/12/2005 16:13

kids are 5 and 3

WigWamBam · 14/12/2005 16:13

Usually only about once a month, twice if we're feeling less knackered than usual! My dd is 4.5, but it's not only that - dh works away a lot, and is putting in some very long hours at the moment so he's often either not here or too tired to bother.

LUCYlastiKATEdchristmastocking · 14/12/2005 16:13

dd is nearly 4
ds is 6mths

on average, 2-3 times a week.

during pregnancy, not at all, i went off it completley (between dd and ds, i had 2 mc's)

we've been together for 18 years today

sevensuzyswongsaswimming · 14/12/2005 16:14

maybe the "dreading bedtime" is the key
we never do it at night in bed, the fear of getting caught is, shall we say, a flame to the fire

god I sound like a right old perv now

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 14/12/2005 16:17

it's weird because dh is in reasonably good shape, and whilst I don't look at him and say 'phwoar' objectively he isn't bad looking...

Those of you who 'partake' of it more often. Do you look at your dp / dh and think 'phwoar'?

OP posts:
Original poster
handlemecarefully · 14/12/2005 16:17

MerryM - we are tired all the time too!

OP posts:
carlychristmas · 14/12/2005 16:17

suzy you hussy

Pagan · 14/12/2005 16:18

DD is 2.3 and DS is 11 months. We've done it about 5 times since DS was born, none were very fulfilling for me as I was just not interested and did it more out of obligation. It was also pretty painful too and since DH fell asleep on the job the last time I've now put a line in the sand saying he doesn't get a s**g unless he fiddles with my parts first to get me to the tickly bit. Needless to say I'm still waiting

Well you wanted honesty

sevensuzyswongsaswimming · 14/12/2005 16:18

you'd better put a link up to his pic, hmc, and then we can let you know if you're barking up the wrong tree

Kelly1978 · 14/12/2005 16:18

prob 3 times a fornight on average. 4 kids, aged 5, 3 and 8mnth twins. Feel too tired most of time too.

carlychristmas · 14/12/2005 16:19

oh i def look at my dp and think phwoaar!! he's bloody gorgeous! i am of course bias

PottyinaPearTree · 14/12/2005 16:22

Hmc - did you cut down on your booze (it was you a couple of weeks ago discussing that wasn't it?) I have to say I'm more likely to think 'phoar' after a couple of glasses, and now I'm not drinking, well.........

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 14/12/2005 16:24

I couldn't do that to dh Suzy! - put his photo up for everyone to debate his attractiveness or otherwise, lol.

Potty - um I was toying with being teetotal wasn't I. Well that errrr hasn't quite happened (but I have cut down). Too much drink doesn't get my sap rising though - just makes me nod off

OP posts:
MistleToo · 14/12/2005 16:26

pmsl!! Pagan

I don't 'do' these threads all I will say is 'enough'

I could write reams

NutcrackingXmas · 14/12/2005 16:26

Kids are 8, 6 and 3 and we usually manage about once a month but sometimes more sometimes less. Is currently less much to dp's annoyance.

sevensuzyswongsaswimming · 14/12/2005 16:26

tut
right that's it I'm off to bed
alone, dh is sleeping with ds2 who has a cold and is clearly far more snuggly than me, and doesn't snore

motherinfurrierfestivehat · 14/12/2005 16:27

Not as much as some of you lot.

LizzylouDonkey · 14/12/2005 16:28

I am 28 weeks pg and don't "do" pregnancy sex really, well think we have about 6 times. Normally it is about twice a week, we also have a 21mth old DS. When DS was teething and waking us at 4.30am we were not at all bothered to not "get jiggy" at all!

PottyinaPearTree · 14/12/2005 16:30

Think I might print this thread off and shove it under dh's nose when he's complaining that he's not 'getting enough'.

If blokes talked honestly to each other about it he'd see he's not that badly off!

motherinfurrierfestivehat · 14/12/2005 16:31

I also think a lot of it's about how you feel about your own body, post-babies.

Enideepmidwinter · 14/12/2005 16:33

too knackered at night

kids are on 'sex alarm' in the morning and any move towards each other immediately triggers pattering of one of more sets of feet along the corridor

motherinfurrierfestivehat · 14/12/2005 16:35

An afternoon siesta can do the trick, of course. If you can stand declaring rather brazenly to your children that "mummy and daddy are going upstairs for a quick nap".

Chloe55 · 14/12/2005 16:35

Was thinking just the same Potty!!!

NutcrackingXmas · 14/12/2005 16:38

Have lost count of the times lately I have said to dp 'I just want to sleep'.

He moans and moans and persists until I scream 'If you touch me again I'll f**n kill you'.

The he stops, rolls right to edge of bed and sulks.

nuffindoin · 14/12/2005 16:41

sorry to namechange, but I find this a really and difficult subject.

In the last 4 years, me and dh have had sex maybe 3 times a year !!!!!!!!

I have no libido whatsoever.

Dh is v understanding but I know how much he misses it.

I'm going to confess one of the silly things that stop me too - If we have sex, I know I will feel the need to have a shower next morning. This means getting up earlier, which means the kids wake earlier which means less precious sleep.

I know I have to sort this out, but not having much success at the moment.