I need to talk about something that happened last night

[badnightlastnight]

namechanger here. I just need some advice & this put in perspective.

Went to a wedding yesterday - my second eve out in a year (am an LP) - got chatting to a nice guy & one thing lead to another (don't judge me please / that's not what im asking about) - carried on with nice evening then before I was going to go went to say goodbye & he tried it on again. I said no, I suppose I got persuaded. Then after a min or 2 I said no repeatedly, explained I didn't want a nice evening spoilt, had to go etc. He ignored me. He was a big strong guy and kept going.

I'm confused. I obviously know it's wrong what he did - I'm wondering why I didn't shout out - I think I thought that it was a bit pointless and he'd just keep going so I resigned myself to it. Afterwards I was even nice to him - he walked me to my taxi etc.

I just need some perspective. I don't want to say it, because i know I got myself into the situation so it's my fault but that is sort of rape isn't it? I feel a bit weird about it today. I'm annoyed I didn't make a massive fuss. Annoyed I just let him do it.

I really don't know what to think. I just needed to talk about it. I suppose I'm not asking a question really. Just, well, was it my fault? Did I lead him on? Why was I nice after? Lots of things are going through my head and I feel really really confused.

The OP is in a very bad way at the moment - she doesn't need to read that shit and regress.

Scarlett, I see what you are saying but that one comment from aylsham won't make OP regress

that refrain of aylsham's will already have been going through her head on spin-cycle since the minute that bloke forced her to acquiesce to him

that is why it is so hard to deal with

where and when those sexist viewpoints are aired though, they should be challenged, not hidden away

because there is too much hidden about an attack like this

OP has nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to reproach herself for

That's true AF. I hope the OP is OK and comes back to talk.

I keep writing things and they end up deleting themselves.

I am ignoring aylsham. I said no. That's all there is to it. Comments like that make me want to report it more.

Saw the policewoman and she took an official statement. I am feeling much better and stronger since then.

They are using what I said on this thread as part of their evidence. Nothing from anyone else. Just it charts what I was thinking & the process in my head before I reported it to the police initially.

I cannot say thanks enough to everyone on here. I am going to start a new thread now and leave this one for the police to use.

Thank you x

I am glad you are ignoring that poster and you sound very strong. I suggest you print this thread out incase it needs to be deleted.

Good luck x

Only just spotted this sad episode,feel so sorry for you . You were 100 % raped NO means Stop what you are doing in any language. Hope the Ba**d gets locked away.

You are fabulous, badnight, and I hope you realise it soon!

The under-the-carpet stuff, and the excusing stuff, make it harder to deal with and you're right, it does make a person angry!

I got this shit after I'd been mugged. I got my bag back and wasn't injured, so why wasn't I just over it? I think it's 90% about people not wanting evidence the world can be horrid and unfair - not specifically about rape, just the general fear of bad news.

Conversely, when I lost my virginity to a 'date rape', I didn't name it rape. The older women at work did - lucky for me, in hindsight, because they gave me the factual framework for my messed-up feelings about what happened.

You will find people who validate your truth, like the policewoman. Unfortunately the bad thing that was done to you can't be undone. But, please, NEVER give space to the idea that victims should put up, shut up, or take any blame. Because those ideas are wrong - they don't fit the facts and it's not your job to make other people feel comfortable about it!

Keep being kind to yourself, it's part of your recovery :) x