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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

how long would you give your ex partner to move out?

95 replies

lovenit · 06/09/2011 16:32

I've been in a relationship for 2 and half years and lived with him for 6 months. Its not been a healthy relationship and now I've finally found the strength to end it, its my house everything in my name and he has his own house not far away. I need him to leave NOW! But he won't go says he needs to make his home homely before he leaves etc, wants to live here another month or so, and his kids are due to come here at the weekend!!!??? I won't be here, as I'm visiting family, but is this taking the piss or what? I said he can't continue to live here for nothing its not fair, but he's calling me a cold bitch for chucking him out. Am I ?should I be giving him longer, he has got stuff here, but he's making no attempt to move stuff out or make his house more homely as he puts it. He says I need to get real????

OP posts:
Wamster · 06/09/2011 16:35

If he abusive to you, I wouldn't give him any more than a day or two, if the relationship is non-abusive and you get on OK-ish, I'd probably say a few weeks is fair enough time to sort himself out. Two or three weeks seems reasonable.

I don't know how the law would see it, just giving you a point of view.

Original poster
lovenit · 06/09/2011 16:40

Thanks.....would you let him stay here with his kids though over the weekend?

OP posts:
deste · 06/09/2011 16:41

Start packing his stuff. Tell him it will be ready for Friday and if he doesn't come on Friday it will be out on the path as you going away. This is your house and he sounds like a bully. Can you get a male friend to be there to get him out. He is taking you for a mug. You know it and so does he. You are too accommodating, they stay for free and he has someone to look after his kids. Bye the way you haven't lived with him, he lives with you.

deste · 06/09/2011 16:43

Dont let him stay, if he knows you want him out there's no saying what damage he could do for spite.

deste · 06/09/2011 16:43

Make sure you get your keys back.

Anniegetyourgun · 06/09/2011 16:50

If he didn't have a home to go to a month would be reasonable. As he does, it would have to be in one hell of a state - or rented out with the need to give due notice to the tenants - to give him a fair excuse not to just go there with immediate effect. Did he sell all the furniture or what?

Would have thought he could have a word with the kids' mother to see whether she can swap for another weekend while he sorts his accommodation situation.

Original poster
lovenit · 06/09/2011 16:52

Thanks deste, just u start doubting yourself and thinking maybe he is right I am a cold bitch! He has been very emotionally abusive too, yesterday I received 111 text messages, telling me how cold I am, evil etc, threatening to do this that and the other. I have packed his clothes and stuff, he has 2 beds here to take that his kids slept in and a sofa, but all he needs is a van to take them, thinking of getting one myself!

OP posts:
HerHissyness · 06/09/2011 16:52

Change the locks ANYWAY.

He needs to go asap. You don't want him there, he has somewhere to go.

HE needs to get REAL He needs to be gone by the weekend. His kids will go to see him at HIS house. You don't let him stay there when you are not there.

Call the Police if you have to.

Original poster
lovenit · 06/09/2011 16:56

He says he needs to change boiler. I don't know though if its an excuse or not though as he doesn't/hasn't seemed to of done anything about it!

He lived there with his kids 6months ago no problem. Like I say he has got the kids beds here and a sofa, but he can take them he just won't!!

OP posts:
HerHissyness · 06/09/2011 16:56

x-post.

Get his stuff out of your house, text him to tell him that it's outside and he has to remove it TODAY.

Keep the texts, and call the police. Tell them you are being hassled and that he won't go. They will be there to help him on his way!

HerHissyness · 06/09/2011 16:58

Not your problem.

be ruthless. you have every right to be. call the police, this guy made threats, you have proof, the police will tell him to go without his furniture, or be arrested.

Anniegetyourgun · 06/09/2011 17:00

No, then he doesn't need to stay with you and indeed you would be very unwise to let him after he's threatened you. It doesn't matter if he calls you cold; him saying a thing doesn't make it true.

And he can do what everyone else does who gets their boiler changed. It's not that drastic. Maybe if he has his whole central heating replaced he'll want to stay in a hotel or with anyone else stupid enough willing to put him up for a few days. Not a bloody month.

Kick the bugger out before he hurts you, trashes your place, or at the very least, breaks/steals something important to you.

Wamster · 06/09/2011 17:03

Well as he has threatened you so that puts a different perspective on things. If he was non-abusive but just dragging his feet, giving him a few weeks may seem fair and reasonable as it would be a kick up the bum and give him a timeframe, but threatening you is abusive so get him out asap and as safely as you can.

HansieMom · 06/09/2011 17:09

You could tell him you want him gone by thursday at noon. Not just thursday, he could take til midnight. if he is not cooperating, put his things in yard. he likely does not want to leave as he wants to eat your food, use your hot water and electricity, have you cook.

you could say wednesday.

deste · 06/09/2011 17:17

You are not a being a cold bitch, you are being assertive.

Original poster
lovenit · 06/09/2011 17:19

I was thinking about saying get his stuff out by the weekend, and after that I'm changing the locks! I think I will have to be strong as I've told him to go before and he wouldn't not even for a temporary break! This time though I am determined to get him out!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
lovenit · 06/09/2011 17:20

He said he hasn't got curtains etc in one of the kids rooms, but then he didn't 6 months ago! So I've given him an argos catalogue!!!

OP posts:
HerHissyness · 06/09/2011 17:37

he has sheets? well he can use one of them as a makeshift curtain. As you said they didn't have curtains before.

he is doing this to control you, you need to get rid ASAP!

Tell him he has 24 hours, tell him he gets his stuff out or you will do. Man and a van won't cost much, get the locks changed in any event. I don't trust him to return them all. he'd come back knowing you were away, I guarantee.

Original poster
lovenit · 06/09/2011 17:44

he wants to be friends now lol!

OP posts:
lubeybooby · 06/09/2011 17:44

Definitely give him a deadline of the weekend and then change the locks - he could have made copies so make sure you do that. Don't get him a van he can do that for himself, use the money for new locks instead.

Anniegetyourgun · 06/09/2011 17:48

" yesterday I received 111 text messages, telling me how cold I am, evil etc, threatening to do this that and the other"

Yeah, real friendly. All my friends send me threatening text messages on an hourly basis Hmm

What they said. Van, and locksmith, pronto.

HerHissyness · 06/09/2011 17:55

She's not on this thread (YET) but MadamOvarey set up a Twat-B-Gone service (in her head)! There may be a video on YouTube somewhere.

notlettingthefearshow · 06/09/2011 18:10

You must be firm. He sounds very controlling and must feel uncomfortable to say the least that he is hounding you with texts. How stressful! It's no longer possible for it to be amicable, sadly, with his attitude.

Set a deadline and change the locks at this point.

twotesttickles · 06/09/2011 18:17

Personally I'd have the locks changed tomorrow, hire a van, put all his stuff in it and drive it to the nearest self storage yard, put it all into store, paid for two weeks and then send him a text and tell him to go pick it up.

DO NOT CONCEDE AN INCH - he sounds like a twat. Well done for getting rid of him.

twotesttickles · 06/09/2011 18:18

Or drive his stuff to his house and leave it on the front step. Send him a text to say you are doing it AFTER you have changed the locks.