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Original poster

how long would you give your ex partner to move out?

95 replies

lovenit · 06/09/2011 16:32

I've been in a relationship for 2 and half years and lived with him for 6 months. Its not been a healthy relationship and now I've finally found the strength to end it, its my house everything in my name and he has his own house not far away. I need him to leave NOW! But he won't go says he needs to make his home homely before he leaves etc, wants to live here another month or so, and his kids are due to come here at the weekend!!!??? I won't be here, as I'm visiting family, but is this taking the piss or what? I said he can't continue to live here for nothing its not fair, but he's calling me a cold bitch for chucking him out. Am I ?should I be giving him longer, he has got stuff here, but he's making no attempt to move stuff out or make his house more homely as he puts it. He says I need to get real????

OP posts:
Original poster
lovenit · 07/09/2011 09:25

I'm not eating and I'm not sleeping, still getting texts, not threatening ones, just him saying how sad he is and I won't get better than him etc, this is so hard!!

OP posts:
nocake · 07/09/2011 09:30

Can I recommend you change the locks before the weekend? Even if he gives you the key back there's no guarantee that he hasn't had another one cut.

Original poster
lovenit · 07/09/2011 09:33

I'm not sure I can do that though, with having his stuff here!

OP posts:
SingOut · 07/09/2011 11:56

If it's in your name you certainly can change the locks, he had taken the decision to leave his stuff at yours, you can store it safely if you choose or return it to him (via a 3rd party), or give him a limited time window to collect stuff and have someone with you. Tell him after that it will be going to charity shop/in the bin. Him leaving stuff at yours is a common abusive tactic so don't fall for it. Once his stuff is gone you will have no reason to be in contact and he'll know that perfectly well so stay strong and don't let him use this as a bargaining chip.

LydiaWickham · 07/09/2011 12:01

See, I'd be all for telling him if his stuff isn't gone by the weekend, he'll find it left out on the drive/street. Change the locks, go away for your weekend, assume anything not collected when you come back on Sunday night isn't wanted and bin it.

Chandon · 07/09/2011 12:04

be a cold bitch. Just do it.

DuelingFanjo · 07/09/2011 12:08

Does he have a key?

If so can you get it back, get our friend to help you. Though personally I think you should chnge the locks as he could have made copies. Don't leave this until the weekend. It's clear from his behaviour that he is taking the piss.

buzzsorekillington · 07/09/2011 12:21

Of course you can change the locks etc - it's your house. He has no claim on your property (or you) and he doesn't pay you rent.

Give him a time to come collect his stuff (preferably the day before bin day), have a friend there for support, don't enter into dialogue (if he turns up) just have everything ready on the doorstep. If he doesn't turn up, leave it out for the bin men. His choice.

Stop reading his texts. Of course he's going to say he's sad and emotionally blackmail you, he's an arse. Just remember all those threatening texts and his generally shit behaviour towards you. You deserve far better than him.

nocake · 07/09/2011 12:39

The "you'll never find anyone better than me" line is so old and cheesy I'm surprised I can't smell it from here. Do you really think you can't do better than a tw@t who won't move on and attempts emotional blackmail?

heleninahandcart · 07/09/2011 13:31

You can stop all this drama right now, as long as he is there and you have not detached it will continue.

Change the locks to any external doors he has a key to

Get a friend round

Tell him you have changed the locks and to come and pick up his stuff

Just do it now/as soon as you can. He has somewhere to go, not that anything about his life is your problem.

I had to do this once in a similar situation. He did leave some larger items, and was firmly told to make his own arrangements by an agreed date or I would put them out.

twotesttickles · 07/09/2011 17:18

Add an extra lock instead of changing them if you are concerned. This is generally a good plan anyway. Or put loads of extra bolts on the front door and go out the back (if he doesn't have a back door key) Wink

piellabakewell · 07/09/2011 18:06

What sort of phone do you have? I had trouble with nuisance texts and installed a call/text blocker app on my BlackBerry.

Original poster
lovenit · 07/09/2011 19:48

I'm with virgin, got an lg phone, tried to phone virgin today to get him blocked but couldn't get through, I know on my last phone there was a way to block texts, but I can't find a way on my one. I'm still getting threats, the latest one is he will tell his family this and that and they will hate me and I will not be welcome in this town etc etc.

A friend is sorting out my lock situation, but if I'm honest I am worried about the after effects of it! However what other choice do I have.....none !!

OP posts:
buzzsorekillington · 07/09/2011 19:55

He has no rights to enter your home, what you do with your locks is your business. If he continues to harrass you, get some legal advice and maybe send a solicitor's letter to tell him to stop. You can also talk to the police about the problems you're having with him.

If he comes round and causes trouble, report him.

Regarding the texting, this ehow claims to explain how to block a number.

twotesttickles · 07/09/2011 20:08

He'll get bored soon enough. If you wait about 28 days he'll bugger off. You just have to have nothing to do with him for those 28 days. Believe me I have had a die hard stalker who I ignored, solidly and who was unable to contact me for 28 days and he just bogged off. He got bored and picked on some other poor sod.

neuroticmumof3 · 07/09/2011 20:47

This man is manipulating and controlling you. Please call Women's Aid. They will advise and support you. I don't think he's going to leave easily or leave you alone once you've got him out of the house. You should consider contacting the police. Those texts are enough to get him a harassment warning.

Original poster
lovenit · 08/09/2011 14:33

now I'm getting he can't live without me texts, he doesn't want to live etc. can't understand why I want to end it, he will always love me etc. I hate this!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
lovenit · 08/09/2011 14:33

I've told him I can't support him through this, but he just won't do one!!

OP posts:
buzzsorekillington · 08/09/2011 14:38

Block his number or change your phone, fgs. Stop responding to him at all, you're just encouraging him by replying.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 08/09/2011 14:41

Detach.

Do not respond to him.

Do not feed the monster.

Change locks.

Block his number (but keep the abusive texts)

Phone police the second he knocks on your door.

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/09/2011 15:26

I haven't read the whole thread, just the OP's posts and a bit of skimming.

He has his own house that he can move back to immediately, so he leaves TODAY. It can be no hardship, he lived there until 6 months ago, it's as homely as it has ever been. As to the boiler, tough, it can be fixed whilst he's living there.

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should he be in the house without you being there, so no, his children will not be at YOUR house this weekend, they will be with him at HIS house.

Make sure the locks are changed, because he doesn't sound the type I would trust not to have had the keys copied.

As for "he said he will take me to court as he has rights as he's been living here." Total bollocks. He has no rights at all, just trying to manipulate you.

"He said he would report me to the social....but wot for I don't know???! He didn't answer when I asked him wot for." Ditto

"He said he will make sure his family hate me" I doubt that would be much of a loss if they're anything like him.

"I have nooone and I don't belong here or deserve to have this house as he helped me to move in" Yegods, he's really clutching at straws now!!

You've packed his stuff, put them outside the door and lock it. He leaves TODAY.

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 08/09/2011 15:52

He can live without a boiler for a weekend. Tough noodles, as I say when being ruthless and strong.

mayorquimby · 08/09/2011 18:09

has he paid anything towards a mortgage?
If not then I fail to see where he'd be claiming any rights

solidgoldbrass · 08/09/2011 18:16

He has no rights at all. You can call the police now and they will send a couple of plods round in an hour or so to physically remove him from the house and take his keys from him. ANd if he comes back and tries to force his way in, they will arrest him.
As to his belongings, you can give him a time to collect them by or arrange for them to be sent to his house. Ignore (but save) all the texts he sends you. He is dumped. He is no longer your problem. As you don't have DC with him you can cut him out of your life completely. Do it, you will feel so much better.

LydiaWickham · 09/09/2011 08:50

Re the boiler - I'm looking out of my window, no snow here, is there snow where you are? No? OK so he won't freeze to death over the weekend.

I assume he's gone and you've got rid of his stuff? If not, now lady, get it done! Enjoy your weekend away, can you just switch off your phone?