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Original poster

how long would you give your ex partner to move out?

95 replies

lovenit · 06/09/2011 16:32

I've been in a relationship for 2 and half years and lived with him for 6 months. Its not been a healthy relationship and now I've finally found the strength to end it, its my house everything in my name and he has his own house not far away. I need him to leave NOW! But he won't go says he needs to make his home homely before he leaves etc, wants to live here another month or so, and his kids are due to come here at the weekend!!!??? I won't be here, as I'm visiting family, but is this taking the piss or what? I said he can't continue to live here for nothing its not fair, but he's calling me a cold bitch for chucking him out. Am I ?should I be giving him longer, he has got stuff here, but he's making no attempt to move stuff out or make his house more homely as he puts it. He says I need to get real????

OP posts:
Original poster
lovenit · 06/09/2011 18:40

He's saying now we should be friends as I may need him in an emergency! He makes me feel guilty, is that what he's trying to do???!!!

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 06/09/2011 18:49

Yes, it is. Don't buy it. Now he's telling you what he could do for you, have you so soon forgotten what he said he would do to you? Or does he really think you have the memory span of a goldfish?

ImperialBlether · 06/09/2011 18:50

I think you should hire a bloke with a van - get the man to take his stuff to the house and tell your ex he has one hour to go there and take it off him, otherwise it belongs to the man with the van. Tell him this after you've changed the locks.

One wrong word from him and tell him you will report him to the police. Keep those 111 text messages as evidence and ask your mobile provider for a new number.

It's actually quite easy, really. Do it tomorrow and no, don't let him or anyone who has anything to do with him stay there again.

ImperialBlether · 06/09/2011 18:51

What has he said he would do to you?

Original poster
lovenit · 06/09/2011 19:02

he said he will take me to court as he has rights as he's been living here. He said he would report me to the social....but wot for I don't know???! He didn't answer when I asked him wot for. He said he will make sure his family hate me, I have nooone and I don't belong here or deserve to have this house as he helped me to move in, which he did, but that doesn't give him the right to stay here if I don't want him to!

OP posts:
noir · 06/09/2011 19:06

Hes being emotionally abusive and is trying to control you. He is not really bothered about his house not being homely, he just wants to leave on his own terms as opposed to yours because in his head that means he's still in control.

And when the housing situation is sorted he'll start trying to make you feel bad about something else, but again its just cos he wants to control you.

I dont want to alarm you but women are most at risk from abusive men when they're going through a break up, he will not like that you taking back power and control. I would seriously consider speaking to the Police or Women's Aid for advice on how to get through the next few days. The Police in particular would be interested in his malicious communications. If he continues t refuse to leave you could maybe apply for an occupation order.

HerHissyness · 06/09/2011 19:17

I see all those words from him and i hear

"blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah!"

  1. He has no rights to live there. You were not married, he's not on the papers, he has his own property.

  2. Let him call the SS - they get dickheads like him reporting innocent people ALL THE TIME. you have done nothing wrong. tell him to fill his boots.

  3. his family will hate you??? OK, shame, but you'll live.

4)You don't belong here?
5) You don't deserve to have the house?

Well you DO and YOU DO! You belong anywhere you are, and the house is in your name, so YES you deserve it. Did he ever pay the rent/mortgage? did he pay all your bills?

Get his stuff out today, ideally now if it's pissing down with rain and get the locks changed. Text him and tell him he is no longer welcome to contact you and to get his stuff before the binmen do. If he causes trouble call 999 in a heartbeat,

ImperialBlether · 06/09/2011 19:17

Actually I would go to the police station about the 111 texts, particularly if they are abusive.

He has his own house. Out of interest, did he pay rent to you whilst he stayed with you? Even if he did, it doesn't give him any rights.

Does it matter if his family hates you?

You don't share a child, do you? If not, could you move away? I wouldn't want to live near that idiot.

Original poster
lovenit · 06/09/2011 19:20

he just said to me again he needs time to sort his house out. I said but he's not doing anything to make it better or nicer to live in, he said he can't this week as he's working late every night ! grrrrr so were are his kids going at the weekend, this is so frustrating and stressful!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
lovenit · 06/09/2011 19:22

oh he's working late next few weeks hmmmmm

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Original poster
lovenit · 06/09/2011 19:25

no he paid nothing while here!!! just his food and maybe his kids, but said he didn't know why he should pay for anything as its not his house. He did start giving me a tenner here and a tenner there but when I asked for a monthly payment at least he wouldn't, as he had his own house. The intention was he would eventually sell his house, but obviously that ain't gonna happen thank god!

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twotesttickles · 06/09/2011 19:26

Why is it your problem where his kids go. I believe there are things called Travelodges for men in his predicament. He will not go unless you force him too. Just change the bloody locks. You can probably get a man with a van for £50 to drop his gear off. If you know he will be in with his kids this weekend I would suggest delivering it all at 9am on the Saturday.

twotesttickles · 06/09/2011 19:26

and pay no heed to his blather. And that's all it is. He's clearly a numpty.

HerHissyness · 06/09/2011 19:27

He goes today!

he is bullshitting you. He goes NOW!

HerHissyness · 06/09/2011 19:31

his house is not your problem.

his working life is not your problem.

his kids are not your problem.

detach and remove this twat from your life.

noir · 06/09/2011 19:32

Tell him he goes by Friday noon, if he's not gone you're going to report him to Police and seek their advice about applying for an occupation order. Once you have told him this, stop replying to his texts and generally withdraw from communication as much as you can.

Have you got any friends or family members who can come and stay with you for a few days? It cant be pleasant dealing with this on your own?

Anniegetyourgun · 06/09/2011 19:34

His working arrangements are not your problem. Where he should entertain his children are not your problem. His views on what he thinks he is entitled to is not your problem. His statement that you are a cold-hearted bitch is not your problem (and why would he want to stay living with one of those anyway when he has options?). As Hissy says, it's just noise. Get some legal advice if you doubt your right to invite who you want to stay in your house. Better still, let him go and get some legal advice at his own expense if he wants to exercise his imaginary right to live there.

He helped you move in. Like, wow Hmm. But then he had the benefit of living there for 6 months rent free. So I think you're more than square on that count, don't you?

Anniegetyourgun · 06/09/2011 19:34

Hah, cross-posted, Hissy! Great minds.

FabbyChic · 06/09/2011 19:44

I was with my ex husband seven years married 5, I gave him six months. Was the hardest six months of my life.

Original poster
lovenit · 06/09/2011 19:56

Blimey 6 months!!! Even my ex husband went within a few days and that was jointly his house and we had kids, this is just unbelievable!!!

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ImperialBlether · 06/09/2011 20:01

I wouldn't give him a day's notice if he has his own house. So what, he's working late? Funny he's working late every night whilst you're wanting him out, isn't it?

It's your house. He has his house. No way should his children come to your house this weekend. They should all be rearranging his furniture. If he doesn't want them to do that, he should sort it out with his ex.

Original poster
lovenit · 06/09/2011 20:43

I have got a male friend who has said will help me, as in be here if need be. He's just rang me to make sure am ok. Thats helped a bit, he thinks I should block him on my phone!

OP posts:
LydiaWickham · 06/09/2011 20:49

You are out of the relationship now, so his problems are no longer your problems. He goes within 24 hours. Get your locks changed.

DO NOT go away for the weekend leaving him alone in your property, god knows what you'll come back to. He goes tonight, tomorrow night if you're feeling like being nice.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 06/09/2011 21:51

Out of curiousity, where is he staying at moment? Is he planning to come back to your place tonight?

As usual, HH is on the money.

This twat has no right to be in your life let alone your house. Get him gone preferably tonight but by tomorrow at the very latest.

Put his stuff out, get your locks changed, and let him know by text that you will not hesitate to call the police if you get any more crap from him.