Support for those in emotionally abusive relationships 4

[MadameOvary]

Hello everyone - end of last thread kind of took us by surprise!
Will copy in links etc

Oh, vv good, Hissy!

Wassup, bejeezus?

its constant low level shittery...

1. dd1 on holiday with grandparents (my parents) for 10 days. I gave her an old mobile with some credit so we could phone her as a bit of a novelty and so she didnt run up a bill for my parents. STBXH hasnt phoned her ONCE...Ive phoned her too much (miss her ) but everyday she asked if I can get daddy to phone her, why isnt daddy phoning her?, daddy can leave a message if I dont answer. It breaks my heart. WHY wont he phone her???? who fucking knows- to piss me off?

2. dd2- I have put to bed 5(?) times tonight( teething)..bathroom needs sorting from bath time, dirty clothes, bath water still in etc etc. Kitchen a bomb site, food all over floor in pile round high chair, pots in sink, baby bottles need doing...front room a mess....I havent had dinner......STBXH in bedroom in dark texting from 915pm...no he cant mind baby, he has to work tomorrow. I dont even benefit from his working.

Only just opening the hissy? Very restraint (jealous) :) I so need to be your FB friend even if only to be party to those excellent statuessssessss

Oh, that was very forward of me

No man is worth drinking bleach for bejeezus!!! What a waste of good, toilet cleansing agent!

What has the specimen done to deserve such a train of thought?

it sounds like nothing much really doesnt it?

just needed to vent

..its just this CONSTANT objectionableness (is that a word?)

X posted obviously - too slow tonight.

lol bibi

yes I think maybe rather than bleach maybe

i feel like I have MASSIVE amount of rage and grief all walled off inside me. And when he does something that actually hits a nerve (immune to most of it by now) I spring a leak and some of that emotion escapes.

Im a bit scared that the wall will come tumbling down. Does that happen once you get out of the relationship? I imagine it probably does-how do you deal with it?

Well, if it's not a word , it ought to be cos it fits your situation perfectly atm bejeezus.

Agree it's shit but in the absence of any useful input from hi
upstairs, are there many jobs tonight you could assign to the 'fuck it, it'll wait category' ?

Not much use here sorry as selfish singleton without little ones :(

unfortunately-I assign most of my jobs to that catagory most of the time!

we are likely to get infested if I dont do it

AND I have been trying to paint my toenails for 3 days now!! I have 3 smudged pink nails..need to start again again

Good god, woman, NO - it DOESN'T sound like nothing much!

Basically, you're being a single parent while Hisself hunkers down in the dark, glowing light of his text messages. Not only that, but you've the added parental brain damage of managing a child still labouring under the delusion that the Evil Gnome is a real Daddy :( You're a hero.

Shove everything in the bath/sink/dishwasher. Nobody dies from everyday grime, but someone might trip over the towels.

Pour drink. Feet up. Deep breath. Relax.

Work on exorcising gnome from house

This is all going very wrong, 400 windows open on PC and alcohol do not mix.

I shall bow out disgracefully tonight though agree with shove everything in bath idea and exorcising gnome idea!

thanks garlic

he makes me feel something, I cant even describe...its like a NEW emotion...knot n stomach, nauseous, really sad, frustrated, depressed, ANGRY, winded....does it have a name????

hmmmm, maybe HE will trip over the towels...

I was having a little day dream the other day when he had stayed out 2 nights on the trot, that he might actually be dead (no longer embarrassed that I find this an appealing option)...I was thinking about the police knocking on the door...and how I would react when they told me. Would I need to feign some heart break. Do you get arrested for smiling?

My gnome is 6' 4"!!

400??????!

Hi bibi and hello bejeezus

I have been having a happy sunset drink on my terrace celebrating a year since I left my H. I would like to think Bibi and I are old friends, if I can presume that

Backstory:
I left because I was so miserable I was being vile and realised I was becoming abusive myself. It took months to work through the guilt of leaving the teenage DC with him, the sorrow at my marriage failing, and the anger and resentment that he had driven me to such desperation. It did indeed leak out once I escaped.

I tried so hard to understand what was happening but eventually just accepted that living with H was driving me crazy and I needed to get away.

Two years of therapy has helped, and the time for reflection since has been useful too. There are lots of issues about my poor boundaries, my appeasement tendencies, and his entitlement and selfishness that just wore me out.

I am delighted to report that my DC are all thriving and happy with excellent exam results and great plans for next year. My Little House is a joy and truly delightful to live in, and I have more friends who love me than ever before. Even my H has come out happier with a new girlfriend who adores him, much to his surprise.

So there you are BJ it takes time but even just twelve months on life can transform for the better

littlehouse

that really is good to hear

I am so looking forward to calm and peace

:) LittleHouse, I certainly consider you an old friend!!! Less of the old but you know what I mean!

Soooo lovely to hear about your drinks on the terrace - only seems like days ago you were agonizing about leaving your personal situation and whether to move to he house, how you'd decorate it etc! Really well done and very very happy for you!

That's why I keep posting on here even though I'm free now - to show others there is happiness waiting for them if they decide to go it alone.

If only all of us on this thread could turn all of the care and attention we have been giving to the gnomes and twats and whatever other name they go by and give that effort to ourselves instead (and children of course) first and foremost we can have amazing lives and futures!!!

bloody 'the' all me t's are disappearing tonight :)

sgb posted exactly that thought earlier tonight Bibi and I said I would stick it up on my fridge. Will go and rummage through threads for it now!

From the White Lies thread at 16.07 today by sgb

"Honestly, start devoting that passion and love and kindness to yourself not the first man that you set eyes on. There is so much more to life than having and maintaining a couple-relationship and the only way anyone has a happy, healthy couple relationship is by having a life before they embark on it, and a life which is maintained throughout the couple-relationship.
Yes this man is a manipulative spineless fibber by the sound of it, that's his problem, don't make it yours, bin him and move on.

Aaahhhh...all cleaned and tidied now (apart from a strategic towel at the top of the stairs)

it never takes as long/is never as bad as you think it will/is

rage back in check

off to bed-sweet dreams all x

Yes, goodnight bejeezus and don't let certain 'bedbugs' bite :)

Keep hold of that rage you feel and don't bury it under the daily ever repeating cyle of chores. Allow it to galvanise you into a better life, you deserve it, we all deserve a happy future with lots of friends, fun, laughter and tears (part of the package :))

Keep posting here because even if you feel that nothing is changing, your subconscious will be taking it all in and saying to itself ' mmh, is that right, there is another way' until one day, quite unexpectedly you start to take the steps to your own personal freedom.

Little ones at first and then bigger strides until you get to where you want to be.

That's quite enough 'profoundness' from me for one day :)

Goodnight all, sleep as well as you can.

Oh and def. on the same page with you littlehouse.

Goodnight Pa, Goodnight Ma, Goodnight Laura.....:) used to love watching that on a Sunday

Morning, random bit of info!
Well day before yesterday I moved the washing basket into 'his' room as he kept leaving his dirty clothes on the floor for me to pick up and put in the bin.
Day two of this and we have 2 days of dirty clothes on the floor.
Gah he has won hasn't he? :(
I wonder how long he would keep doing that for if I didn't ?
Its something I just find really degrading. :(

....and he left me some money on the counter last night he had taken out, (We are in the 'nice' stages at the moment)I'm dying to go shopping for something for baby to cheer me up? Should I or shouldn't I? :(

Morning Allboxedin

I used to play a game with myself where I tried not to pick up the clothes for as long as I could bear it. I would count the days and wait to see whether he would realise he was going to run out of clean stuff, as I only washed the things that made it into the basket. I usually cracked at around 5 days because I had to share the bedroom and my "side" of the room was past the mouldering heap.

The other similar game was the coffee cup one where I left the empties on his desk waiting to see how many he would collect before he realised there were 7/9/11 whatever. The record was 13 IIRC

Since I left I am amused to see he does now pick up the clothes/cups but he also has a cleaner who he pays to do all this stuff for him and she nags him worse than I ever did!

I would say take the money, you have detached from the manipulation so you are not going to be bought!