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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

To be angry at his abortion request?

792 replies

Breevandercamp1750 · 22/08/2011 18:02

I'll keep this brief but a few months ago we discovered that I was pregnant again. We already have 3 DCs, youngest is almost 9 months. He was over the moon about new arrival but in the last few days has changed his mind. I'm 18 weeks now and really don't want an abortion.

I don't understand his issue, we live in a large house with spare bedrooms and can easily afford it.

I just don't understand. I feel so empty.

OP posts:
FigsAndWine · 27/08/2011 18:22

Thank you BeerTricks, that's a good idea. Smile I'll have a think; worth leaving it up if it could be of help to someone else in a similar situation, I suppose, although that seems very unlikely.

GreatNorksOfFire · 27/08/2011 18:26

Oh God, this is just going to descend into into mayhem now isn't it. Loads of posters who think they are clever will post clever comments when they are quite clearly troll hunting (see above ^) on the pretence that they are lovely caring MNers . Terribly passive aggressive though, isn't it?

Shame. FWIW, as a pretty seasoned MNer, I reckon this is sadly very true. Who the fuck would make this up?

This thread will doubtless go pfft shortly.

Bree, you seem to have amazing coping mechanisms, I am sure you will find the strength to find your way through the next few painful weeks and monts.

honeyandsalt · 27/08/2011 18:26

FWIW I wouldn't wait 'til after the baby is born to instruct a solicitor, your accountant if you need to, and deal with this financially. You don't want to have money, joint business etc. hanging in the balance without any way of getting him to pay his way. And you don't want to leave yourself vulnerable to a financial screwing-over as well as an emotional one.

The depth of his calculated selfishness and betrayal is such that I'd be surprised if a marital reconciliation will ever be on the cards.

RumourOfAHurricane · 27/08/2011 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Fluffycloudland77 · 27/08/2011 18:32

Firstly I'm so sorry this has happened, my dh works in an enviroment where management see adultery as a perk of the job and you are very much not alone.

This can happen to anyone.

I would tell the family and not spare any details. They will be upset but you have to get this off your chest.

And with the ow, it's all fun now in the early stages but after that wears off and guess who they want then? Yup the wife who they married for a good reason. Yes he will probably want to come back.

We know someone with 3dc who moved in ow for 3 months and the wife took him back.

Please look after yourself for the babys sake.

FabbyChic · 27/08/2011 18:34

Really sorry for my previous post.

I hope you and your baby, and the kids are doing okay.

Try not to think too much at the moment, and just concentrate on getting through the next few days.

Getting some legal advice is a good idea especially regarding your businesses.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 27/08/2011 18:46

IME, when it comes to human behaviour anything is possible as we appear to have an infinite capacity for self-delusion, Line.

If the dh has impregnated his mistress it may explain why he wants to abort the child of his marriage at this late stage.

Alternatively, in the unlikely event that she doesn't know about dc 4', it may be that he hoped to perpetuate the illusion that his marriage was over in all but name.

Another scenario is that the dh is suffering emotional stress which has affected his judgement; the prospect of having 4 dc in quick succession, particularly if 2 have not been easy births, can place a strain on the most stable individual.

Or he may just be a self-centred cunt whose true natue is hidden under a veneer of sociable amiability.

LineRunner · 27/08/2011 18:57

What I know is that there are posters on this thread who have given genuine advice and insights into complex situations and I truly hope that it has helped anyone who needed to be helped.

Posters on this thread have had a valuable debate and discussion as a collegiate group and if anyone has tried to undermine that then they have certainly not succeeded in diminishing the helpful MN ethos.

Original poster
Breevandercamp1750 · 27/08/2011 19:03

Thank you everyone for your tremendous support, it has been invaluable. I really felt like here was the one place that I could be truly honest and open but I feel that the time has come when I no longer post. For people to suggest that I am a troll is just adding insult to injury. The kind and helpful suggestions have been amazing and have lifted my spirits, just knowing that someone would listen and try to help me has been a life saver. Am so so hurt that some people feel the need to troll hunt. Sad

OP posts:
HerHissyness · 27/08/2011 19:12

Love, you will need additional MN support over the next few days, weeks, months.

If you wish, just name change, and post, we'll find you.

You can and will get through this!

TheSecondComing · 27/08/2011 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EveryonesJealousOfWeasleys · 27/08/2011 19:22

So TSC why the post in NM style earlier positively dripping with venom and sarcasm?

Mitmoo · 27/08/2011 19:29

Just pity the Troll hunters if that's how they get their kicks sticking the boot into someone elses misery, there is nothing left for them but pity Bree.

Bree you have to deal with your husband being a moron, they have to live with themselves. You will get over your husband and end up stronger, ignore them, they wont change unless they accept they have a problem which is unlikely.

Rolls eyes at troll hunters who rarely get it right

TheSecondComing · 27/08/2011 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EveryonesJealousOfWeasleys · 27/08/2011 19:42

Sorry TSC??? I have posted supportively, I am not sure quite what you mean about me picking a bunfight, I am far from the only poster who has mentioned your earlier posts and TBH I couldn't help but comment due to your completely two faced post at 19.17!!!

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 27/08/2011 19:44

Who has been troll hunting?! I thought I had read every post and I haven't seen it! Although if it was subtle then it would probably just pass me by . . .

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 27/08/2011 19:44

So TSC why the post in NM style earlier positively dripping with venom and sarcasm?

Where was that?! Didn't see that!

TheSecondComing · 27/08/2011 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeyandsalt · 27/08/2011 19:47

Ach people are eegits sometimes Bree, there's always one, if you're feeling charitable you could presume that they're so naive that they just couldn't believe that someone could be so vile as your H has been? If you have found MN to be a place you can vent, and a source of support and strength I wouldn't let them bother you tbh.

You might find the relationships forum really good for posting in future, different crowd, and fewer people out for a bun fight.

LeBJOF · 27/08/2011 19:48

I don't think that troll-hunting has been much in evidence at all on this thread. I'm sure that anybody feeling sceptical has reported the thread. It's not nice to see this all descend into open hostility and troll-hunting-hunting.

And if at any point somebody feels that they have over-shared, it is absolutely their right to try to rectify that.

microserf · 27/08/2011 19:56

bree, don't go. i don't understand the trollhunting comments, as i really didn't think i'd seen anything on the thread in this vein.

if you do feel you have to go, namechange and move to relationships. you will need support in the weeks and months ahead.

i'd being telling the PILs about his affair. they deserve the full picture.

ChumleeIsMyHomeboy · 27/08/2011 19:58

meh - I saw it and I'm sure I'm not alone. For the life of me don't know why they don't deal with their suspicions via the proper channels and TSC - your post WAS dripping with sarcasm so why on earth are you trying to deny it?

As you were.

TheSecondComing · 27/08/2011 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 27/08/2011 20:02

The troll-hunting was about as subtle as a kick in the face and has completely derailed the thread.

Well done guys.

CheerfulYank · 27/08/2011 20:08

Just because TSC's post was in "netmums style" Confused doesn't mean it was sarcastic, does it?