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Original poster

To be angry at his abortion request?

792 replies

Breevandercamp1750 · 22/08/2011 18:02

I'll keep this brief but a few months ago we discovered that I was pregnant again. We already have 3 DCs, youngest is almost 9 months. He was over the moon about new arrival but in the last few days has changed his mind. I'm 18 weeks now and really don't want an abortion.

I don't understand his issue, we live in a large house with spare bedrooms and can easily afford it.

I just don't understand. I feel so empty.

OP posts:
Original poster
Breevandercamp1750 · 27/08/2011 17:25

Been keeping myself busy ironing on name labels but it's not working Sad

Just can't believe he would do this to us SadSad

Haven't told the ILs or my folks yet. Didnt want to be discussing it while the DCs were about. They seem to hear everything!
Will call when DCs are in bed and will ask about someone staying with me for a few days. If we could go there I would but I've got cats and dogs to think about too. This is all so messed up Sad

I can't even contemplate any kind of future with him right now but I don't want to tell him that yet. Am utterly heartbroken Sad

We both have a business each (soft play and a shop) and also a joint one (another shop). Financially I'm ok alone although the children start private school in September and the thought of the fees is turning my stomach. He started fucking the whore at about the time we decided to transfer them, can't believe he didn't think ahead and leave thing as they were. Just another example of him not going two shits.

Heartbroken and panicking now.

I've been a lurker on MN for a while, posting the odd comment here and there so I'm thankful of your support. Smile

OP posts:
LineRunner · 27/08/2011 17:25

izzywhizzy I do see what you mean. It is still a narrative of utter madness.

warthog · 27/08/2011 17:25

so sorry, bree. he's a prize wanker.

TheSecondComing · 27/08/2011 17:26

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CheerfulYank · 27/08/2011 17:31

What a complete and utter arse.

Would you like me to fly there and knee him in the groin? I will.

I'm so sorry. How could he?

Stay strong!

PfftTheMagicDraco · 27/08/2011 17:35

I'm a bit late to this nobber party, Bree. As I read further and further it seemed that there must be something else going on.

An affair is awful, the lying is awful. So what was the abortion bullying for? He wanted to make everything neat and tidy? I suppose you being pregnant was making him feel more guilty so he hoped that he could get rid of that problem?

I'm so sorry, Bree.

honeyandsalt · 27/08/2011 17:36

Try not to worry too much about money hun, I'm sure your solicitor will be positively delighted to haul him over the coals. (Whilst we all knee him in the nuts, of course)

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 27/08/2011 17:37

The complete and utter bastard!!! He really is a first class twunt Angry

Wrt school fees, could you get him the pay the school fees as maintenance?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 27/08/2011 17:39

As improbable as it is bizarre Line.

Has he moved in with the ow or is he planning to set up home with her OP?

At least there's now no need to shell out for expensive private therapy/counselling for dh, but I suggest his dps put a sum aside to fast track him to The Priory or similar establishment when his affair ends or his mistress becomes pg.

I doubt that a crystal ball is needed to predict that either of these events is likely to occur in the very near future - unless he's had a secret snip and is planning to step into a childfree life with his new love.

DawnTiggaFashionGoddess · 27/08/2011 17:42

Firstly, my apologies that a member of the species I happen to be a part of acts like a total cunt.

Secondly, do you need help hiding the body? Wink

Eventually, you will be able to breathe without feeling like somebody hit you in the solar plexus.

ASmallJokeThereToHelpYouManageAFeebleGrinTiggaxx

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 27/08/2011 17:42

izzy However, it seems equally improbable that a married father of 3 should ask his dw to abort their 4th dc at 18 weeks merely because he has a mistress of c9 weeks duration.

I know! It's unbelievable that someone could be capable of that!

LeBJOF Sorry if I was harsh.

GetOrfMoiCarbsClaire · 27/08/2011 17:43

This is taking a rather terrible turn. It must be a roller coaster ride of emotion for the OP.

As horrible as the idea of an affair is, it is probably better for the OP that her DH is not being diagnosed with mental health, prescribed antidepressants, PTSD at the click of a finger, and with ideas of being sectioned under the mental health act. That would truly be very difficult to deal with, would be a difficult story to recount to everyone. Now that he has admitted to having an affair that is a more 'normal' event which will be easier to resolve than severe mental illness.

I hope that the OP gets all the help she is looking for from mumsnet.

FigsAndWine · 27/08/2011 17:44

TSC you are very very norty.

GetOrfMoiCarbsClaire · 27/08/2011 17:45

I am also glad that the OP's stomach pains have stopped now.

LineRunner · 27/08/2011 17:49

Oh, Izzy, you don't think that the OW is pg, do you? That would just be too much pain.

Shakepeare was right when he wrote all the world's a stage. The things that people do.

RumourOfAHurricane · 27/08/2011 17:52

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prettyfly1 · 27/08/2011 17:53

Bree I have been lurking for a few days on this thread - FWIW I think you have been so incredibly brave through all of this and have held yourself with a dignity I cant imagine showing. I think you need to cut off all talk with him right now for your sake and for your baby. You need to focus on you and your kids, as impossible as I imagine that must feel. Are your pils or anyone else coming to you - I really feel like you need some looking after and support. Cut him dead entirely, inform him that you arent prepared to deal with this crap whilst pregnant and he should be prepared to hear from your lawyer once your child is born. Until then if he has the slightest ounce of decency he and the ow should stay the hell away from you and you are prepared to use the full might of the law to ensure that happens. He and the children need to see one another but other people can facilitate that =- you dont need to do it. Just please look after yourself and carry on as you have done.

BeerTricksPotter · 27/08/2011 18:03

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FigsAndWine · 27/08/2011 18:07
whomovedmychocolate · 27/08/2011 18:08

Bree - very sorry you are going through this. :(

In terms of money, he has to contribute just the same as when you are married. He can't take money away from you right now. It's for the courts to agree a settlement and maintenance but you should not be put in a detrimental position because of his actions. I strongly recommend you go see a solicitor if you are thinking of divorce. Most will give you an hour free to talk it through and so you can decide if you will get on. If you are in Oxfordshire I can recommend someone VERY good. Also in Gloucestershire (although she will literally kick the shit out of him and leave him blubbing in his el cheapo hovel afterwards).

If I were you I would not talk to him for three days at all. It has a clarifying effect at both ends.

However if you are minded to take him back eventually, remember you have not done any of this and are not to blame. Nor should you feel humiliated by his fecklessness. It's easy to feel that everyone is watching and judging, but really they aren't and it's much more common than you think for marriages to end up in crisis.

FWIW I think he's being an idiot.

whomovedmychocolate · 27/08/2011 18:09

Also btw, you can't change the locks. Even if it's your house. AFAIR you have to wait till the court allows it to remove access to the marital home.

BeerTricksPotter · 27/08/2011 18:09

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JodieHarsh · 27/08/2011 18:12

Gosh, when I heard they were evacuating New York I thought that would be the most unbelievable thing I heard today, but was I ever wrong Sad

LineRunner · 27/08/2011 18:13

That's a good idea, BeerTricks. People are kind on MN and share their genuine experiences; but they don't have to keep them visible for ever.

BeerTricksPotter · 27/08/2011 18:15

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