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Original poster

To be angry at his abortion request?

792 replies

Breevandercamp1750 · 22/08/2011 18:02

I'll keep this brief but a few months ago we discovered that I was pregnant again. We already have 3 DCs, youngest is almost 9 months. He was over the moon about new arrival but in the last few days has changed his mind. I'm 18 weeks now and really don't want an abortion.

I don't understand his issue, we live in a large house with spare bedrooms and can easily afford it.

I just don't understand. I feel so empty.

OP posts:
NoMoreWasabi · 27/08/2011 16:17

Bree I'm so sorry. How are you feeling?

LeBJOF · 27/08/2011 16:18

I knew there would be something like this

4madboys · 27/08/2011 16:19

oh bree, have been reading this thread but unsure what to say :(

at least now you have an answer, he is a first class wanker, i am glad you have the support of your parents and your inlaws, do they know he has been having an affair?

what you do now is totally up to you, you are doing brilliantly holding it together for you and the baby xxxx

look after yourself and i hope the rest of your pregnancy continues smoothly and baby stays put until 37wks xxx

TheCrackFox · 27/08/2011 16:26

Oh Bree i am so sorry. I did have my supicions but didn't want to say because he might genuinely have been having a breakdown.

Well, at least you know who and what you are dealing with. You "D"H is an absolute bastard and she isn't much better. What kind of woman shags a man whose wife is about to have a baby?

Look after yourself and start getting RL support. You have nothing to be ashamed of so don't be afraid to tell people.

See a solicitor first thing on Monday morning.

honeyandsalt · 27/08/2011 16:36

Oh man.

Well, at least it makes a sort of sense now. Angry Sad

I'm so sorry Bree, really I am.

SugarPasteLadybird · 27/08/2011 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 27/08/2011 16:38

So he wanted you to have a late termination of a wanted baby to facilitate his affair?

That is something I would find impossible to forgive.

notlettingthefearshow · 27/08/2011 16:39

It did cross my mind too but I don't know because there were no suspicions mentioned. I would totally blame H, unless the woman is a friend of yours. If it's just an affair, it's not about her, it's about him, and she could be anyone. I hope you can get to the bottom of it and work out why it happened, what he has to say for himself and if he sees you having a future together. try not to have any major reaction (apart form obviously feeling completely outraged and destroyed) until you have a better idea of the situation.

Things can't have fallen apart so quickly - try to work out what has led to this.

eurochick · 27/08/2011 16:42

What a grade A twat. I can't believe he wanted to make you go through the trauma of a late abortion to make his sex life easier. After what you've posted about your PIL on this thread, I would expect them to give him hell when they find out.

I'm glad all is well with the pregnancy and I think you are being incredibly strong about all this.

honeyandsalt · 27/08/2011 16:43

May I ask Bree, did you set up the businesss yourself or did he help?

Oh man. Messy stuff. What a grade A bastard of a twunt he is.

RumourOfAHurricane · 27/08/2011 16:44

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Message withdrawn

YaMaYaMa · 27/08/2011 16:47

So he's having an affair? God, hun, this is just terrible. I suppose at least things can't get any worse for you x

GreatNorksOfFire · 27/08/2011 16:48

Bree, firstly so pleased you got yourself checked out and that all is ok with you and your baby.

Now.

What a fucking cunt.

He has been badgering you to have a termination at 18 weeks because he is having an affair? I am guessing the woman he's sleeping with is clueless that you are pregnant actually and he was trying to find a way of making out you and he have not been having sex, hence the affair...poor me, my wife doesn't understand me, doesn't have sex with me, blah blah fucking blah. Very difficult to do that if he suddenly becomes a father again.

Am so angry on your behalf. I think in terms of cuntish behaviour, your H can easy win top trumps.

PhilipJFry · 27/08/2011 16:51

What a SICK fuck. Bree, I am so sorry. But you know now, and at least he won't be able to bullshit you with any more lies and fake reasons for why he doesn't want this baby.

RumourOfAHurricane · 27/08/2011 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lachesis · 27/08/2011 16:52

Yeah, I pretty much figured he was fucking someone else from the get go Sad. So sorry.

'Things can't have fallen apart so quickly - try to work out what has led to this.'

That's not her problem. What lead to this was his fucking someone else.

EveryonesJealousOfWeasleys · 27/08/2011 17:00

Oh Bree - I really hope that this 'explanation' however vile helps you to move on as you said earlier in the thread. What a bastard.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 27/08/2011 17:01

I know this is completely irrelevant now but -

LeBJOF it doesn't just suddenly come on after no previous signs . . . I have worked in the past as a therapist with people with it, so I'm not just pulling this out of my arse

Er . . . that's completely wrong. I know a bit about it myself and it is also quite clear if you research it that yes it can come on suddenly and it can come on years after the event. I am seriously worried that you are working as a therapist in this field! What the fuck sort of training/qualifications do you have? Are you a proper therapist or a "therapist"?!

twoistwiceasfun · 27/08/2011 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mitmoo · 27/08/2011 17:02

Bree I did not see that coming. He'd kill his unborn child for a shag.

What a bastard, I can't even start to imagine how angry and hurt you are, not surprised you feel like exploding. Stay strong, you don't need him, he's beneath contempt. Just be good to yourself. Sending you loads of best wishes.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 27/08/2011 17:07

Bree So sorry! That must be awful for you to find out but at least it explains it. What sort of a man tries to have his child aborted because he's having an affair? You would think it was so it would make it easier to leave you which makes it surprising that he was saying the "I feel like I'm losing you" thing. Sorry I know I'm not being helpful. Can't believe what a knob he's been. It's shocking that someone you trust can change like that!!! Sad

LineRunner · 27/08/2011 17:08

LeBJOF was right though, I'll give her that. It isn't PTSD, that's what OP herself says - despite the views of GP, FiL etc.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 27/08/2011 17:09

LeBJOF was making a guess, the same as a lot of other people and just so happened to be right, doesn't mean she should post information saying she's a professional in that area that is inaccurate.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 27/08/2011 17:18

Obviously, the PTSD story has stretched the bounds of credibility and it's unsurprising that a different scenario has now emerged.

However, it seems equally improbable that a married father of 3 should ask his dw to abort their 4th dc at 18 weeks merely because he has a mistress of c9 weeks duration.

After all, it's not as if the older dc are grown and a new baby will restrict his freedom to play away as there'll be an age gap of little more than a year between the two youngest dc.

What was the dh intending to do if his dw had agreed to his request?

LeBJOF · 27/08/2011 17:23

WhoseGotMyEyebrows, please don't worry. There's no need. I am not rampaging through hordes of traumatised people waving a crystal at them or anything. Still, this is probably not a quarrel to have on this thread.