Bree So sorry you are going through this. He really does need to have the therapy. It will make a massive difference and he also needs to see a specialist in PTSD. The ADs will help as well as they will start to life his mood which will change his whole outlook on things. I suggest that you tell him the ADs and the therapy are more complusory to you.
My experience . . . My DH suffers depression. He had an episode early this year which nearly finished us off. He just started out a bit down about an illness he had and quickly became very negative. His outlook on everything became negative but he couldn't see that it was his outlook that had changed, he totally and utterly thought the problems were with the things he was feeling negative about. It took me MONTHS to convince him that the problem was his depression (he seems to have generally low seratonine levels) and that he needed to go back on anti-depressants. He was feeling that our sex life in particular was non existant (which wasn't really true although it does get hard to have sex with a depressed person) and that I didn't fancy him or love him. We were discussing him moving out as I just couldn't get through to him and the children were suffering. I ended up spending several days shouting at him and eventually said I was going to inform his family of his depression. For some reason he feels ashamed about it so won't tell anyone. I was on the brink of arranging an intervention (is that what they are called?). With that held over him he agreed to start taking his pills again and he was a different man within 2 weeks! He actually started to feel the difference with a few days! Since then he has been back to normal and no longer has the negative outlook on things. He has realised he probably needs to be on them for the rest of his life but that's a small price to pay. During the time he was ill he was like a different man, I didn't know him.
Sorry if you feel this isn't relevant but I felt that the negative way your DH is looking at the pregnancy rang some bells for me. My DH would also come to decisions about what the problem was and what to do about it (that I didn't want him anymore) and couldn't see the woods for the trees.
In previous episodes he has decided that the problem is his job or his hobby or whatever else his brain focuses on in it's depressed state.
Some people on here seem to be dismissing the idea that depression and PTSD could make your DH behave like this but it's NO small thing!
I would like to add that I have also had problems with depression and possibly PTSD or something like that along with a huge anxiety disorder. Mine also occured after a birth. For me it was because the birth coincided with a death. The time you have a child seems to be a common time to get anxiety and other MH problems, if you mix in a trauma with that it is much more likely. It took over my life and left me ill for about 3/4 years. I had lots of counselling but I didn't get completely better until I went on the antidepressants as I delayed it while I had another child. They give your brain a chance to develop new thinking patterns and really do help.
Some people seem to be saying that these problems alone wouldn't cause him to behave so badly but they really can! I wouldn't say I behaved badly but I found that the anxiety OCD thoughts took over my entire life. It was constant, the whole time I was awake AND asleep as I would dream about it and wake in a panic constantly throughout the night. For me I was convinced that I was going to die and leave my dcs without a mum, my worst fear. It wasn't that rational but brains aren't rational when they are ill.
Just thought I would share my experiences of MH to help you understand what a grip it can get on a person without them even realising.