To be angry at his abortion request?

[Breevandercamp1750]

I'll keep this brief but a few months ago we discovered that I was pregnant again. We already have 3 DCs, youngest is almost 9 months. He was over the moon about new arrival but in the last few days has changed his mind. I'm 18 weeks now and really don't want an abortion.

I don't understand his issue, we live in a large house with spare bedrooms and can easily afford it.

I just don't understand. I feel so empty.

I hate this man

"calmed down yet"??
I'm sorry, he expects you to have "got over" the fact that he wants you to abort a wanted 4th child in the second trimester, which is a fairly horrible process by all accounts, and has no sane reason for this?

He's living in cloud cuckoo land.

I'm also furious on your behalf at 'calmed down yet' as if you're overreacting. Is he trying to make sure he ends your relationship for good?

Calmed down yet? Wow. I'm having doubts over my current relationship as my DP asked "are you still going" when I said something just after an argument over a dog bed. (As in, are you still going on and on and on!)

Just wow

Have you calmed down yet

Winds me up to the 9th degree when it's over something petty... ffs he would have got the full strength of my temper this morning. Complete and utter fuckwit.

I'd call his Mum and ask her if she's seen him today and say he's acting oddly - tell her that he asked if you'd calmed down yet. Watch the steam rising from you house!

I have nothing to add except my agreement to Mathanxiety's post of 15.25.
Says it all really.

Oh, throw him out, especially after the 'have you calmed down yet?' line. You're supposed to just capitulate to whatever he wants, in his world. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

"Have you calmed down yet"

Omg.

have just told hubby about this thread and his words are, 'That man's an arse, actually hes not a man, he's a boy who needs to grow up.

TBH his behaviour is SO outrageously arseholeish I can only speculate that he wants your relationship over for some reason (God knows what it is) and lacks the balls to say so, and so he is acting like the biggest bellend in the world so you dump him. I can't begin to imagine what is driving his behaviour other than that.

"Have you calmed down yet"

Fucker.

i was being too charitable yesterday, clearly.

h and I agreed to try for a baby after a miscarriage. he had a wobbly and changed his mind about trying because his gp relative said something different to the hospital/miscarriage association and he panicked(just around conception) I felt like I had been punched in the stomach then, and that was before we knew I was pregnant. it must be so much worse for you, you are doing well, asking him to move out and refusing, quite rightly, his request.

we limped on for a bit after ds, there were other issues, but I never quite got over this changing his mind after we had started trying again. would rather have him say "no wait" from the beginning than have a hope snatched away.

it is not unreasonable for your dh to have a wobbly, but to express it in the way he has done is awful. he made his decision when he slept with you without contraception. too late to back out now. the fact that he seems to think he has rights over your body is worrying.

keep strong, stick to your decision. you are doing so well.

been lurking but had to post. at "have you calmed down yet".

unexcuseable behaviour, i also suspect an ulterior motive behind it.

He just does not get it, does he? He appears to have no idea just how serious a fuck-up he's made.
Astounding.

Actually, that "calmed down" comment crystallises a few things, namely, that this is not about him panicking about potential loss and hurting about previous trauma. He clearly has little regard for human life, if he can consider discarding this baby and replacing it with another one in a year if/when he feels like it, send you flowers like this is any old row, and then ask if you've "calmed down yet!"

I have nothing useful to add Bree but just want to offer my support. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. That man is very selfish. This is his baby FGS! I am lost for words.

just adding my support bree. you're being really strong. so glad you're in a strong financial position so that you're not trapped.

look after yourself.

Think you are being a bit extreme to be honest, he has thought about things and decided he would rather YOU than another child. Some could not go through the distress of having prem babies, the heartache the sadness of it all.

Whilst I understand he should not have been so callous, you have to ask yourself why he has been and dig further there.

"Have you calmed down yet"

Can't believe he would say that! But then, can't believe any one would say/do the things he has done!

and I do NOT think you're "being extreme" at all .

Oh look, fabbychic has yet another outrageous opinion. How surprising.

OP I admit that I've not had chance to read through whole thread - I have a late appointment and must dash, but I just wanted to tell you something. A good friend of mine's little baby stopped breathing suddenly a year ago - baby was on Dad's shoulder and just turned blue. Cue Ambulance, lots of panic and distress, hospital, but baby was resuscitated and after a short stint in hospital, was sent home. Little girl is in good health now, but their marriage has deteriorated and they're now with other people.

She recently told me that the DH went to pieces, very slowly, after this event and even though everyone thought him the 'strength' and backbone of the family, he was in actual fact rocked to his very core, and rather damaged by the whole thing. Strangest thing is that he's a Paramedic...

I suppose what I'm saying is that men, on reflection, are deemed as the stronger ones, but in matters like this, I truly truly believe that they aren't. I apologies to anyone reading this that disagrees - I know I'm making a sweeping generalisation here. But maybe, just before you start wondering whether your marriage can get past this, maybe think that your DH is having a bit of a panic and lashing out here. I'm sorry for you though OP. I know I could never abort in your situation, even if that meant losing my DH. Strength to you.

Actually, I don't think FabbyChic is being outrageous at all. There's a lot of truth to what she has said - there's a deep reason underlying the suggestion of aborting his own child. A deep rooted reason. The question is whether he will be able to face it down or whether he'll instead keep his viewpoint and keep trying to 'buy' your love and happiness back with gestures and flowers.

Bree - I am sure his outrageous comment is only making the rightness of your decision to get him away from you clearer and clearer.

You are being amazingly strong. Can YOU get away for a couple of days? As it is increasingly looking like there is a deep and quite probably permanent rift here, is there any way you can take a bit of time out, with your parents, friends?

I am sure that you feel quite in limbo at the moment - goodness knows what happens next. Goodness knows.

Support and strength to you. Keep posting.