Smum99 No I haven't asked him that, I think I'm pretty afraid of rejection so I feel a leading question like that makes him know for sure I am interested. I kind of do / do not want him to know I'm interested.
He works away sometimes, few days at a time, staying in hotels. Sometimes he travels to see his Ex, he helped her move house recently when she relocated a long way away.
During those times, he doesn't really contact me at all on facebook and we don't text. He could ask my sisters for my number if he really wanted.
He's been absent from facebook several days now. I'm really missing talking to him at night. I don't exclusively sit up every night for him, I'm usually doing other stuff and keep facebook open, but if he's online, lately I feel myself more and more distracted by him.
Your saying that has just made me put things into perspective though. All we actually do is talk on facebook. It's nothing. It's all so flippant. So I got a tiny peck on the lips when we said goodbye. That's nothing in the big scheme of things, is it? :(
I'm just tired of being a lone mother, tired of referee-ing 24/7, I don't have a break, I don't feel like a woman, a human even, I feel like a robot. He lifts me up. It's not just him, watching films or my hobbies also make me happy, but he does something deeper that I can't define. Someome else will come along and grab him soon, women who are prepared to rush in guns blazing when I am not.
I'm too scared to do anything, my fear of rejection because of my previous relationship. I'm just fantasising. That's why it's getting me nowhere fast.
On paper, it could all appear so genuine and full of potential, little nuances of flirty hope here and there, in real life and on facebook. In reality, we just dont see enough of eachother flesh and blood or communicate enough for this to be anything other than fantasy on my part. I am being a big eejit. Yet I suspect he would be gracious enough to let me down gently, in fact I know he would.
I write this now and decide at the end whether to post it, I probably might, it's just thoughts reeling off the top of my head. So if it's all fantasy, why call me 'gorgeous' sometimes? He knows I consider myself unappealing phsycially, so he writes that to make me feel better about myself probably. Why hasn't anybody just said, "Two years! If he hasn't asked you out in two years he just ins't interested you in that way, it's obvious!"
I'm so unholy confused! Best thing for me is to stay off facebook really. If he misses me, he could get in touch. When I have been offline before he does ask my sisters (on facebook convos) what's happened to me.
This is such a go one way or t'other situation, there's no middle ground, I can't be sitting here on the fence much longer. Since that daft tiny goodbye kiss, everything has changed.