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Relationships

A quick peck on the lips from a male friend, what does it mean?

302 replies

waitingfornaru · 11/08/2011 16:50

I have been chatting to a man virtually every night on facebook for a couple of years. He's a family friend, we occasionally cross paths. Our conversations on there are mildly flirty every so often but neither of us like to progress into anything uncouth online.

Every night otherwise, near enough, talk about anything and everything. We don't use the Chat function or send private messages to eachother (Ok, about 2 each in two years), my reason mainly because he's already told me things like everytime he logs on, particular women always instantly send him messages, so I don't want to be like that. I also agree with him that there's nothing we can't say in 'public' on facebook, so no need for private messaging.



At a family wedding, we had our first real opportunity to sit and talk to eachother for several hours, having previously only been in the company of other family members or similar, here we were pretty much together most of the night, having both drunk, but him only a couple of pints, I gave him the usual hug goodbye and a kiss on the cheek, but he gave me a quick peck on the lips. It wasn't a misjudged aim.

What does that peck mean?




Everyone says that he likes me, but if this is alluded to in facebook conversations we both deliberately ignore it and try to change the subject!

We are both single by the way and in early 40s, both out of very long-term relationships exactly two years ago, both of us.

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Nagoo · 21/08/2011 16:11

Lose the nephew!!!

OP you need to spend a night, you and him, 'not a date' just talking and see if he wants to snog you at the end.

You don't need the safety blanket!

Lose the nephew!!!! that is an order!

People get together by taking a chance and making their feelings known. You flirt a bit, you test the water. If nothing is going to happen then you go home to your separate beds and carry on with your life. You don't need to jump him, ut you do need to let things carry on a natural path. They won't be able to if you keep putting blocks nephews in the way.

If I were him I'd think you were bringing the nephew because you wanted to make sure that nothing could happen between you. It is a clear message to him that you want to be friends and not more.

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HedleyLamarr · 21/08/2011 18:25

What Nagoo says. Don't take the nephew.

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waitingfornaru · 21/08/2011 19:53

Alternatively, he could be aghast at the thought of just him and I on what could be construed as a 'date', so instead the (teenage) nephew being there gives some distance and formality?

He's been to the pictures before with one of my sisters and the nephew, although they are just friends, so this could be considered the same, harmless situ by him, rather than me wanting to absolutely get him alone again! Grin

Even if he's not interested in me (which is unlikely) I certainly don't feel he's ready to start dating again, having only just packed off his ex of donkey's years 200 miles away, the last thing he would be thinking about is dating again so soon.

So now I have to re-think the Nephew before Tuesday... Confused


Nagoo you are right, it is a safety blanket to keep me being hurt (rejected). If I fluff up on this it will be too awkward to ever talk to him again on Facebook surely and for just under two years I never fancied him at all, I just thought he was similar to me, fascinating and friendly. Once you cross the line into fancying someone, it all goes pear-shaped, doesn't it?

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Nagoo · 21/08/2011 20:06

or once you cross the line into fancying somebody it gets all exciting and tingly and apprehensive in the best possible way :)

Just go out, 'as friends' and see what happens.

No nephew :) He went out with your sister and nephew presumably because your sister is attached?

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coffeeinbed · 21/08/2011 20:09

Blimey OP, for a woman in want of a shag you can overthink for England...
Lose the nephew, take this off the family entertaining gazette that is FB and get on with it.
He either fancies you or he doesn't.
One way to find out.

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FellatioNelson · 22/08/2011 06:58

Teenage nephew. So two divorced, experienced, lonely, footloose and fancy- free, mature adults who have developed a fairly long standing bond, finally have a reason to spend some time together properly and see where it takes them, and they go out for the evening chaperoned by a teenaged boy.

FFS. Right, where is the nearest brick wall? I need to go and bang my head against it awhile.

Is this an old thread that has been dragged up by any chance? Like from 1890?

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Mitmoo · 22/08/2011 07:16

OP ditch the nephew, go to the pictures, I'm off with "fellatio" to share their wall.

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HappyHubbie · 22/08/2011 15:53

I blame Downton Abbey for all this chaperone nonsense ...

If you've been chatting for two years AND he's kissed you then you can be absolutely 100% sure that he likes you and fancies you and wants it to go further. Relax and enjoy it.

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ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 22/08/2011 16:36

Lose the Nephew...

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waitingfornaru · 22/08/2011 22:44

fellationNelson neither of us have ever been married. I have very young children, he has adult stepchildren.

But yeah, we're both a bit old-fashioned in some regards so the circa. 1890-stylee anticipation has been going on a while now!

HappyHubbie it was only a peck on the lips, no big deal. In my head, I'd like it to be a big deal. Two years of talking to someone virtually every night online, yet we live barely 2.5 miles from eachother. I figure he hasn't formally asked me out because he doesn't actually like me in that way Confused

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AnyFucker · 22/08/2011 22:51

This thread wins "most frustrating of the week"

OP, have a Blue Peter Badge < sigh >

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waitingfornaru · 22/08/2011 23:00

AF I'm two years out of a violent relationship that I left 4 weeks after my youngest was born. I'm Taking My Time.

I'm a regular under a newly registered ID, I normally appreciate your frankness, but this isn't something to be sighing about Hmm

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waitingfornaru · 22/08/2011 23:02

Well tomorrow will tell at any rate Smile I hope such a thing as old fashioned romance still exists in this day and age actually.

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AnyFucker · 22/08/2011 23:04

I want you to find that romance, OP, but you seem determined to sabotage it at every opportunity Sad

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HappyHubbie · 22/08/2011 23:29

Naru ... I'm speaking from a male perspective here, there's no such thing as an innocent peck on the lips to a friend (in my opinion anyway). My best friend in the whole world is female; I love her, but I would never ever kiss her on the lips (even a peck) because it would cross the line between friendship and lover, and she is just a great friend - I'm not attracted to her (and even if I was I'm happily married). Your situation is different however.

The peck on the lips is the clearest possible indication that he wants the relationship to go further, but is afraid of ruining the friendship which he clearly values as much as you. You say it's no big deal, but to him it was. It probably took him weeks and months of wanting to kiss you but being scared. In other words - he feels exactly the same as you do.

The ball is in your court, you can respond or you can send him the message to back off - such as ensuring you're never alone together. At the moment you're sending him the message to 'back off', and he's possibly embarrassed and worried that he's fucked up a lovely friendship.

He hasn't formally asked you out because at the moment you're sending him negative messages, he thinks he's blown it by kissing you. Men are very bad at knowing when someone fancies us, you don't have to throw your knickers at him, but you do need to let him know how you feel. And soon.

Once upon a time, I was that guy. My (now) wife and I were friends for months. We talked, we laughed, we went to the cinema as friends. I fancied her but didn't want to mess up the friendship (I was coming through a bad divorce) and I had no idea she fancied me until she grabbed me and kissed me one afternoon. It was the biggest shock of my life! Next year we will have been together for 20 wonderful years. Do it, put the poor guy out of his misery - you have everything to gain.

Love means occasionally taking risks, this is one of those times.

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ithastobedone · 22/08/2011 23:39

naru, this is the very same encouragement that persuaded me to 'bite the bullet' and just say it!

What have you got to lose? You're in almost exactly the same situation I am in. I did it and I'm the worst kind of dithering procrastinator.

I'm gonna say it now....please do it! Good luck.

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PercyPigPie · 22/08/2011 23:50

Lovely story HappyHubbie Smile. Go on OP - you can do it ...

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waitingfornaru · 23/08/2011 01:57

Wow HappyHubbie, that's inspiring Smile

Trouble is, he has been to the pictures with my sister before (and the nephew) as platonic friends and she told me a few days ago he did actually kiss her on the lips goodbye too (peck). So, looks like it does happen amongst platonic friends, just not very often. Although they have a very brief shared history I suppose you could call it, in that he's convinced they snogged once in their 20s in a club but she adamantly denies it.

I know for a fact she isn't interested in him as she's attached now and at the time they went to the pictures, she was vocally referring to him as her 'BFF' and that she never fancied him at all.


Well anyway, I just Fb messaged him earlier stating that if my nephew pulls out it will just be he and I and he's not made any indication along the lines of, 'Oops sorry just remembered I may not make it after all, pressing work issues' sort of thing so it hasn't fazed him it seems.


ithastobedone Thankyou for your well wishes and I know, I have been following the shy man thread eagerly hoping for inspiration Grin

OK, one last idea before I truly decide on the Nephew~or~No ;

if Nephew does come with us, in that scenario conversation will be more open to discussing films and means I could suggest going to see another in a couple of weeks (er, cinema ain't cheap nowadays is it Shock £8 a ticket!) to which he might hopefully reply he wouldn't mind seeing that to, then I can say let me know when you're not busy and perhaps we'll go. Except definately we will be on our own that time? What do you think?

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waitingfornaru · 23/08/2011 01:58

Ooo, just had a message back right now, he has listed the film show times. Keen! Grin

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FellatioNelson · 23/08/2011 06:36

How old is the nephew? I find it a bit odd that a teenaged boy would even want to go out with an auntie and a middle aged male family friend to be honest! I'm sure he wouldn't be remotely bothered if you told him it was off, and went alone. In fact I think you should find a way of losing the chaperone. I'll bet you every penny I have that this man will be relieved you have done so.

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waitingfornaru · 23/08/2011 14:04

fellationNelson no not that odd, he lives with his grandmother and we have a large extended family, the nephews are often out with the aunts and uncles for the pictures, park, pub!

Man in question is a family friend, he's met the nephew plenty of times.

4 hours to go, I'm still deciding on the nephew. Arrgghhh!

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FellatioNelson · 23/08/2011 14:10

Right. Are you all not English? Originally? This sounds like a decidedly not-English set-up!

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FellatioNelson · 23/08/2011 14:11

Sorry, I should have said British. A decidedly not-British set-up then.

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ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 23/08/2011 14:22

I really really wouldn't take your nephew. You need to give the situation some space to develop and it won't be able to with a spectator.

I agree with HappyHubby that you are giving him some negative / uncertain messages here. I think the nephew would be a negative message.

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waitingfornaru · 23/08/2011 14:43

What 'set up', fellationNelson? Confused

I live in the same village as my sister, our siblings and parent live within 5 miles of us, there are many nephews and neices between us. We sometimes socialise together. Why is that 'not British?'

This man already knows I fancy him. He knows from our online conversations from the hints, our family and friends teasing us about 'getting a room', I also sent him a Valentine this year which he received graciously and er...(sorry, but I did say we were a bit nerdy) we've exchanged some binary code Blush which converts to text sying 'I fancy you something rotten'.

At the family wedding function a few weeks ago too, he was with me the whole night, his body language was very open and expressive, knees touching, etc. And then of course 'the kiss'. Peck on the lips goodbye.

My instinct is that he likes me, but may not fancy me at all nor be ready for a relationship or even dating yet. Although I must admit I highly doubt I would kiss someone goodbye on the lips if I thought they were ghastly looking and didn't like them much Confused



Do people really think it would not be better to just go this once with the nephew/chaperone and on our own next time???

Though I've just realised there's a bar in the cinema (never knew they were licenced, been years since I've been to a cinema), so is it inappropriate to go for a quick drink before/after the film, bearing in mind he's driving? Does anyone else have a quick drink before a film?? Like if they're on a date?

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