I'm still here plantsitter :) appreciating the follow-up views, although people will keep referring to him as a divorcee when he's never been married!
I never thought about the ex before really, until people highlighted it on here. I have always stayed in constant contact with previous partners - although I was always the one that did the leaving - I suppose because despite everything we still had a solid friendship and I thought that it would help ease the transition of parting if we still talked.
But with this man, he is a stepfather after all and step-grandfather and regularly sees his stepgrandson (very young), so he will likely always have his ex in his life to a degree.
My experience personally however is that once your ex finds someone new, unless that new person is particularly open-minded, usually contacts stops abruptly thereon :( They have found a new support so contact lessens in gravity naturally.
Now I think about it, yes he must have stayed at her house when he helped her move, they have been to nights out for her birthday (once to a posh hotel for dinner)etc,etc. and she is coming up this weekend to visit her family. But that black and white thing ; I mean, the father of my children visits 3-4 times a year and actually stays in my house (seperate bedroom of course) but settles himself in like he's at home and we do day trips all together for the children and shopping and so forth, so from teh outside that could also appear 'rather too cosy'. Despite the fact that I am not and could never be persuaded to sleep with him or invest in him emotionally to any other degree. Perhaps he is sleeping with her, who knows, he is not exclusive to me, it isn't my business. Oh it's very confusing :(
It's hopeless. He wants to be just friends. A few days after, I now feel a little embarrassed that we had the conversation, as if I have been gently reprimanded for being a contributing factor to the sexual tension between us.
He also said I had made him more sad than he already feels with his depression, I presume because him also realising he likes me in that way complicates things for him.
ooo hang on perhaps that's it? He's not really over his ex is he? I didnt post for a few days because I wanted this thread to disappear from view as Im concerned as he knows I'm on Mumsnet he might come across it, I feel utterly dreadful writing all of this very private stuff on a public forum :'(
I remember too that his ex handled very badly the fact just after they parted a woman showed interest in him.
But if she caught wind of me, if he told her, as he's so honest he probably would talk to her about it I can imagine, even then I don't believe she could make a case for winning him back. I believe him when he says he has no feelings for her in that area left.
I need to do what some people have advised. Need to concentrate on my life more, less on him. My daughter starts school soon, that will distract me.
Is it even possible to be friends with someone with whom you have intense physical attraction? (I may start a new thread on that one actually..)