Take a deep breath and try to get your fears into perspective,Wisey.
You know that nothing is certain in this life; when it comes to having your world turned upside down by the unexpected, you've been there, done it, and got the scars t-shirt to prove it.
The joy that unexpectedly came into your life in the shape of NM led you to a place of certainty that 'there is a god' iyswim; a sense that those who invest their hopes and dreams in adulterous spouses only to have them cruelly dashed, will be rewarded for their suffering by enjoying better times with better males who won't cause them hurt and pain.
You were happily floating on cloud 9 when the first pull of gravity exerted its force by way of the prospect of having to sell the home that represents such a large of chunk of your life. Although you may have known that this could be the case from the getgo, these thoughts were one that you could easily push to the back of your mind.
Unless we're accustomed to living a nomadic lifestyle or possessed by wanderlust, the prospect of dismantling and selling the family home is unsettling and daunting for many- and more especially when there's some degree of force/economic necessity rather than it being an entirely voluntary undertaking.
It wouldn't be surprising if you felt unsettled by such a prospect; as if the very floorboards ground under your feet was no longer where you thought it would be. And then, as if to reinforce your uncertainties, came the unexpected loss of your dm and the shock is only just beginnng to reverberate through your mind and your body (take care of yourself, btw - it's especially important that you eat well atm, even if you don't feel like it).
How the gods mock us lowly little mortals - or could it be that the demons of bitter experience sense our weakness and pop up through the trap door to beset and torment us with unfounded doubts and fears?
Given the circumstances, your doubts about NM are understandable; how many of us can read minds and know for sure what the other person is truly thinking, planning, scheming behind their mask? After all, ptm was blithely doing the dirty on you when you didn't have a clue what he was up to.
Although NM has proved to be a stalwart so far and you have no actual reason to suspect that he's cut from the same purple cloth as ptm, your self-preservation instinct has kicked in big-time and you want to retreat to place where you can't be hurt again.
The only way you can stay in that place is to detach from those you love, close down your emotions, and retreat from any involvement with people. Do you want to miss out on the joy of loving merely because you don't want to be hurt again?
You dread that something else bad is going to happen and you really don't think you can cope if it does? Trust me, Wisey. Whatever happens, you'll cope because you survived before and after ptm and before NM appeared - and if NM cuts and runs, you'll cope and continue to survive.
Get yourself back down to that beach and get skimming, gal. Ponder on the thought that the love we give others enriches and empowers us - even if it is thrown back in our faces.
The saying has it that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. If I hadn't loved others I'd undoubtedly be considerably richer in the material sense, but I'd be impoverished in every other way - and so would you be too, honey.
Your thought for the day is Job: 'the thing that I feared is come upon me'. Don't let negative thinking cloud your vision.
January's nearly over; the catkins are growing long on my hazel tree and I can see the buds on my apple and plum trees from my kitchen window. Spring's just around the corner and the sap's beginning to rise. Look forward, Wisey, and believe that this will be a good year for you - your dm's going to make sure of it.
I'll be thinking of you on Monday and in the meantime, here's another raised glass of 
to Sheila Stewart Mackay.