After divorce, trying to move on is like doing a square dance with both feet tied together. Update.

[Wisedupwoman]

First came to MN (a life-saver) in March:

Then DH, now XH (very quick divorce) was into second OW which I found out through his deceitful, sloppy and disgusting attempts to take the cowards way out. Could not believe the man I loved for 20 years had spent 4 years lying and cheating his way through life and who then went on to try and manipulate all our DC's (and still is, divorce doesn't change anything).

We are now into mediation, I have a sol who is waiting in the wings to advise on settlements. I have, despite all the turmoil, secured a better job on higher salary and our DD has a place at 6th form. XH has been living with OW since he left, and I went no contact within 2 weeks of his leaving. He hates this as he is unable to control the situation so interrogates DC's - my adult DS's have cut him out, yet XH still tries with eldest DS, who finds it hard not to feel sorry for XH despite his awful behaviour. All our friends have cut XH out, none of them liked him it turns out and his colleagues have long called XH 'the artful dodger'. So this was a man who led a double life and I have been trying to come to terms with this and move on.

This thread is about that - trying to move on and deal with the reality that whilst I am trying to hold my chin up and tits out, XH is going to be a part of my life through our DD whether I like it or not.

I want to give my heartfelt thanks and gratitude to everyone who has thus far been so wonderful and unstinting in their MN support for me - who have walked the journey with me even in the midst of their own sadness.

Please Wisey, which site is that or have I missed seeing you mention it?

OMG indeed, Hope you have a great night Wisey, we're all agog.

Shall we take bets on how many of the pack of 12 she gets through??.

Mr Spontaneous is.....EVEN LOVELIER THAN HIS PHOTO.

I'm like a dog with two tails. And he asked me out on a second date.

Wisey is going to go, and she's KISSED ANOTHER MAN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER 20 YEARS!!!!!!!! He is fecking lovely and a great kisser.

who is is ptm you speak of????

this, even (see I can't even spell now)

Oh the site has the word cheeky in it.

arf at Dozer!!! I hope PTM did read that

Oh! i wonder where Wisey went

Wisey Wisey Wisey

DETAILS. We need DETAILS.

Age. Hair colour. Height.

Cleary he's ultra-lush. Right, I'm off to figure out the site and set up a profile ...

Phwoar!

OK.
details.

He's about 6ft. Slim but athletic build. Same age as me, and has worn extremely well. Wore a very sharp suit (drool), really lovely tanned skin, blonde, just greying hair well cut. Very clean shaven, piercing blue eyes. I mean REALLY that's what he was like. Fucking lovely.
And the most gorgeous soft kissable lips I've ever kissed.

And he's separated, got 4 kids, only one at home now who's teenage and he's the one who stayed. Professional photographer.

Yes REALLY. Oh my god. He took me for a meal, pulled the chair out for me, was charming and talkative, asked me all about me, etc. When the waitress asked if I wanted a dessert I said 'no thanks' and he said, "bring this woman something choclatey, really choclatey". So she did. He walked me back to my car and it was lovely, he gave me his arm to put mine through, proper old-fashioned and when I laughed he said it's what he likes to do.

I'm going to do the deed with him if I see him again. I really fancy him. He said ring me anytime you want to go out again. And I said, I'd rather you rang me - that's my old fashioned style, like yours. So we'll see.

AARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

and all in one big hug!!!!

"give this woman something chocolately ..." oh, he's goooood ...

OMG ... I'm in love ... on your behalf of course ...

Flaming fantastic Wisey

Phew Wisey !

I can feel the glow from here . Thats more like it - a spark, or by the sound of it quite a lot of electricity was flowing tonight. The old fashioned touches make it even more romantic and compelling.

Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Hope you don't mind if your MN team comes with you to ride on your coat-tails.

As for the chocolate, I've now got a vision of you tucking into something sumptious, full of naughtiness.

or sumptuous

He sounds sexy, but am a little worried he may be a bit too smooth and contrived, with the last-minute date arrangements (well-practiced sponteneity?) and ordering you chocolate even though you said no thanks. The "old-fashioned" arm-holding, hmmm, not sure.

Or maybe I've just seen one too many horror stories on MN and been out with some players! Sorry, will shut up. don't mean to rain on your parade after a lovely date.

Classic that you simpered to him that you'd prefer him to ring as you're old-fashioned, then tell us that "I'm going to do the deed with him if I see him again"!

Had to get out of bed to tell you he's texted to ask me out again later this week. I'm playing it cool. I've got you all there. Actually we walked right by ptm's shabby little b&b and sat right in the window of the restaurant near where he lives. i so hope he drove past and saw us. Am thinking of asking Mr Spontaneous to meet me outside mediation on Wednesday!!!!!

Anyway, I've got his number, of course I have. I even took the mick out of his smoothness and he loved me calling him on it. I've lived with a player (unbeknownst to me at the time) so I know the signs now. And I'm a bit of a player myself now and I know what I want from this guy and it ain't a ring on my finger!!!!!!
Oh my, oh my he's lovely.

Just a few words to the wise, Wisey...

If PMT replies to your email DON'T read it until after your mediation session because we don't want anything to get in the way of

a) your nonchalant vibe of 'I'm so completely over you' and

b) the 'eau d'woman who's about to get shagged back in the saddle' that is going to seep from your every pore scenting the air and surrounding the twunt with it's heady perfume on Wednesday.

Trust me, there's no need for you to get Mr Spontaneous Smoothychops to pick you up - PMT is going to 'know' there's a new sex interest man in your life.

As for Mr SS, when you decide to do the deed (in a plush hotel after a slap up meal in a fancy restaurant courtesy of his credit card) look at it before and after as a one night/evening/afternoon stand - that way you won't get hurt if he doesn't send flowers/call you or want another assignation, despite his assurances to the contrary while he schmoozes you into the sack.

If you're gonna be a player, Wisey, play with your brain - lock up your heart and make them work for the key.

Thanks all.

Izzy great advice and, as always, on the money.
Absolutely I will not read any emails from ptm -ever, probably.

And, no, Mr SS isn't capturing my heart. He's text quite alot last night and wants to 'take me shopping' this week. I mean, it's quite transparent to me what he's about but to be honest all I really want to say is 'lets just get a room SS'.

And, as an afterthought -

I'm going to say to Mr SS that I think we should cut through all the myths he's obviously carrying about middle aged just divorced women, he should stop working so hard, and that he's in the running - but he's by no means the only one. Because he isn't actually!!

That should just about let him know who he's dealing with, shouldn't it?!

Just a thought Wisey. Only you know what is in that email you sent to PTM - well two - him as well - and its none of our business.

Just be careful that he hasnt printed it out and is planning to use anything that was contained in the email against you at mediation.

Hope you dont mind me saying this but its the kind of sneaky thing he may do esp if he has not replied to it.

Oh thank you so much Anothermum.

I'd be more than happy for him to produce it tomorrow, as there's absolutley nothing in it which is defamatory, offensive, untrue or otherwise 'usable' against me.

It's just a collection of the things I know - about who was really the stronger of the two of us, how I have never compromised my integrity, that he knew he was unfaithful but had to stick to his story, that it matters not if he continues to lie because nobody is listening any longer, that he had to be a pretty lousy therapist if he didn't recognise 'emotional infidelity', that he should in future save his tears because he has admitted himself that he became a x therapist because he is a failed actor and I know that more than anyone, that i'd had to receive a well-timed but cowardly anonymous letter and that worse still our DD had to urge me to take action. That sort of thing, very short and concise and above all true. He'll know that. If there had been a load of emotional content he probably would've felt on safer ground to reply - but it was devoid of emotions and that was the point of it for me, I think.

I am well prepared for tomorrow and seeing my sol this afternoon. So it'll be fine so long as ptm doesn't throw a spanner in the works. Thank you though.

'lets just get a room SS' O Wisey, Wisey. Don't overlook the first rule of the sophisticated experienced woman of a certain age courtesan - get your shopping trolley filled first!

After all, what could be a more delicious overture to curtain up than slipping into a tasteful silk camisole, or putting on a pair of diamond earrings, that you chose together (and that he's paid for) before you swoon in his arms?

As for telling him he should stop working so hard, and that he's in the running I shall leave that to your discretion but, personally, I'd favour telling him after* said shopping trolley is filled and after dessert, so to speak, that it was a done deal from the moment you first set eyes on him and that you've very much enjoyed adding another notch to your respective bedposts (providing he lived up to expectation, of course).

*They do so love feeling that you've succombed to their irresistable charm and powers of persuasion as it feeds their self-image and makes them feel 'men of the world'. Once they've convinced themselves that you're putty in their hands, you can start moulding them

Arf!

OK I'll manage to let him spend the green stuff on me first, allow him to think I've melted, shag his brains out and then tell him how it is.

And I've another rather nice one lined up for a date too. Also rather lush. Hasn't got a name yet. Will have though if we manage to do some online chat tonight.

Sol says - good offer on the table there. But NOT GOOD ENOUGH and ptm is clearly not taking mediation seriously enough, that he's got to provide proof or I should walk and let the court MAKE him do that.

Methinks there will be more tears tomorrow in the meeting. And they won't be mine. .

If they've got the cash, honey, I see no reason why you shouldn't encourage them to flash it - or give their plastic a good thrashing - while their pursuing your favours

Have you got a pristine tissue perfumed with your favourite fragrance and imprinted with lipstick blotted from your lucious lips that you can generously proffer to PTM tomorrow when he turns on his crocodile tears?

The real ones will spurt unbidden from his eyes when he's made to provide proof of his assets/income and he can buy his own box for those, or soak OW's un tender bosom with his genuine tears - which, of course, will always be exclusively reserved for himself.

Sounds like you've discovered a rich seam in them thar dating sites hills. Put your pit helmet on and get mining, gal

'while their pursuing' - jeez, I do so let myself down sometimes... 'while they're pursuing'