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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Update on timetochangeforgood

161 replies

Timetochangeforgood · 30/07/2011 19:09

We did it!
Not last time - I let him worm his way back in again :(
This time we did it! We're in emergency accommodation tonight and tomorrow and go to register as homeless on Monday. DD has cabin fever and DS is teething but we're doing fine :)
Last night was the real turning point - he smacked DD, a tap on the leg only but it was enough. I told him never to do it again and he beat me up. Calmly put DD to bed, shut the door, smashed me over the head with the computer charger, twice. Pushed me over the sofa, hit me a few times held his hand over my mouth and then throttled me until I nearly blacked out.
After he did this, he went to bed. He got up 10 minutes later and told me
If I ever screamed like I did then, like i was being murdered, ever again, he would murder me. Told me I was the one who was scarring DD because of the screaming. Not him for hitting me. He said it all 'as someone who grew up in an environment like this'.
He said I have mental problems because I had to control things when I told him not to hit DD and asked if I ever stopped to think about my part in all this and if I realise it is my fault he does it.
He claims he thinks about the children but if he did he wouldn't do what he does in front of them.
So he thinks I have gone to stay with a relative for a break. I haven't. I've packed as much as I can, including birth certificates, passports, qualification certificates and here we are. In a flea pit guest house, waiting for Monday.

I just want to say thank you to everyone who took the time to post on my last thread - I could never have done it without you all.

Onwards and upwards! :)

OP posts:
lazarusb · 02/08/2011 21:37

Don't blame yourself for your patience being thin. Of course it is, you are only human and under a massive amount of stress at the moment. Your dd is better off now, with a frazzled but loving and lovely Mummy than she ever was in a house with your ex. You shouted at her, you felt bad, it's over. Give yourself a break, you are doing so well I can't tell you. I just myself and ds on my GPs when I left my ex.

lazarusb · 02/08/2011 21:38

Sorry - that was supposed to say dumped myself and ds...

itwasthat · 02/08/2011 21:39

hi there, i have clothes for your son if you want them hope you get a good nights sleep tonight x

Portofino · 02/08/2011 21:45

Did you speak to Women's Aid yet OP?

midwife99 · 02/08/2011 22:03

Yes well done! How brave are you?! Every day you will get nearer to independence & a new happy life for you & your DCs.

honeyandsalt · 02/08/2011 23:03

Brilliant, you seem to be getting somewhere. Keep at it!

Can you not move back with your mum or brother for a bit 'til you get sorted, and travel for DS's appointments? Just a thought.

CakeandRoses · 02/08/2011 23:35

Yay! The first good day of many to come, I reckon!

really, don't be too tough on yourself for being a bit short with your dd. whinging toddlers are more effective at tipping one over the edge than water torture!

good luck with the house tomorrow.

are you still feeling strong about your decision to leave? you sound as though you are.

pickgo · 03/08/2011 00:15

Fingers crossed for that viewing Timeto. Can't WA sort out housing and benefits for you - or at least speed things up a bit as they normally know all the right people?

You're doing really well and try not to feel too guilty re DD, it must be hard for all of you being in temp accomm and no routine. What you are doing takes real strength and I admire you for just getting on with it. Keep going - you can do it!

Jux · 03/08/2011 01:38

Good news, time to. Hope you sleep well tonight.

MalibuStac · 04/08/2011 07:19

Morning timeto just popping on to say hi and see how you and the dc's are? All good I hope. Did you get to view the properties?

GandTiceandaslice · 04/08/2011 11:20

How are you doing?

cestlavielife · 04/08/2011 16:38

well done.

if he asks to see DC,
make sure you allow only fully supervised contact with DC - maybe contact centre for now.

MsInterpret · 04/08/2011 22:08

Hi timeto. Hope you're still going strong and know we are all thinking of you.

I donated to Women's Aid today after hearing of the wonderful support they've given you and others on here. Hope they can continue to help you throught this period.

CakeandRoses · 04/08/2011 22:38

You ok? Hope it's all going well. Any news on the house?

PadmeHum · 05/08/2011 09:21

Timeto - how I wish you were my mum when I was a child.

My dad beat my mum ferociously when I was a child. As I got older, I often got included on the beatings too. I have never, ever gotten over my upbringing. It hurts nearly as much now as it did then.

I am estranged from my parents (my mother never had the courage to stand up for us). I do not talk to them.

You are an amazing mother and woman. I admire you so very much.

Good luck with this next bit of your life. I sense you know it might not all be plain sailing but you will get there and your children will be safe. You will be safe.

xxx

EvianBaby · 05/08/2011 13:39

Wow, you're so brave! Well done!

This might get lost within all of the other posts but I wanted to let you know that I also live in the North East (I quickly skimmed the other thread and noticed that's where you are ) and I would be more than happy to help where I can.

I have close family members that are solicitors and another that works with families in the care/social services system who would be happy to help in anyway they could (or if you prefer, they don't have to know anything).

I also have two children almost exactly the same ages as yours so if you do need anything for them, again, I would be really pleased to help.

You've had some great advice on here and you sound like you're doing great. Please get in touch if I can help in any way. Smile

Jux · 06/08/2011 02:06

How're you doing Timeto? How're the kids?

saffronwblue · 06/08/2011 02:52

I am in awe of your courage. Just get through this bit and you will have time later to grieve for what you hoped for. Your kids are lucky to have you as their mother.

CakeandRoses · 07/08/2011 08:03

timeto really hope everything is going ok there with you and your children. we haven't heard from you in 5 days - hope it means you're just busy sorting out your life.

Good or bad - please post. we're here for you whatever.

mumblecrumble · 07/08/2011 21:15

How's it going? Would love to hep if there's anything possible... Its difficult as I presume giving out your address for stuff is impossible etc. I'd like to give you my complete support and respect [they can fit down the internet line...] and wish you every happiness that you deserve.

My grandma went through similar when my Dad was 6 and my Aunty 2. She had a difficult few years though with help she says these were such precious times with her kids and that she felt safe. She then had a fantastic relationship with my Grandad [my father's step-dad] and had a safe secure life. She is also a fabulous woman who think of her children, is strong and resilient. Sure you don';t feel like that all the time but you do sound it. Your children will one day be in awe.

michglas · 07/08/2011 21:22

if he wants access to your son, you can do it through supervised access visits at a social work centre. I told ex that was the only way he would see DD1, and he refused to do it so he didn't get to see her. make sure that if you need to go back to the house for anything, you go with a police presence when he isn't going to be there. Well done for getting out.

yok2t · 07/08/2011 21:52

I have never posted on any realtionship threads before but I just wanted to say well done! Please stay strong and take good care of yourself and your little ones. They will thank you for this one day, you are doing the best thing for them( and for yourself of course)!

Loonytoonie · 08/08/2011 00:01

I posted on your original thread - at the time, it chilled me to the core. I'm completely in awe of you and your bravery. Please, NO TURNING BACK NOW.

Please update when you get the chance. My youngest is older than your little girl - and I'm a ridiculous hoarder of clothes, shoes and toys Blush
I'd love to be able to help. Maybe there are things I can dig out for you? I know you're in a vulnerable position and can't disclose details of where you are, but perhaps you could PM me your friends/Mum's address? I can send on some stuff then. Anything to help.

midwife99 · 10/08/2011 14:48

Let us know how you are honey x

Terraviva · 11/08/2011 00:09

Hi Timeto - hope you & your DC are OK x