My boyfriend is a selfish lover and I don't know what to do

[Teaparty001]

Hi everyone, first post in here. Sorry if it's crude in parts.

I'm 25, been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. He's great and so is our relationship except he is selfish in bed.

I am a very sexual person and enjoy good sex and prior to my boyfriend I had very attentive boyfriends who put me first and me them.

My current boyf literally just wants to fuck (sorry). He wants to put it in, come and go to sleep. I've spoken to him four times now about it, I've told him what I need and what turns me on, how to touch me, I've also showed him websites with tips for men and foreplay etc etc. he's always a bit hurt, plus he's a real prude and doesn't like talking about sex.

After we talk about it things will be ok for a week or so but then slowly return. Also when hes actually putting effort in, I've now got a mental block so I cannot come because I feel pressure to because I know he just wants to cut to the chase.

I don't know if I can be with someone who doesn't care if I'm satisfied or not. But everything else in the relationship is good - we go on nice holidays, make eachother laugh, we should be moving in together this year too which I'm having doubts about.

Any advice welcome

X-posted with your post about the type of porn he watches. At this point I'd be out, forget wasting money on therapy. He needs years of therapy to get over this mother thing!

Also he only goes down on me maybe once every 3-4 weeks and says he has to be really turned on to do it. Why, when it's about me?! I'm so how could i get in so deep with someone so selfish, I should've run when it was early on, before I promised to move in with him.

dont stay with him. My marriage has just ended. I am 26 and part of its end was due to the lack of good sex. My ex was also very 'quick' and it turned out it was because he was premature...however....he would not get any help for it, yet still expected me to put up with it and be happy. I ended up feeling a bit like a prostitute. Open my legs, be fucked, a quick sorry and off to sleep. Its no life. I am too early into my marriage separation to be thinking about sex in the future....but god I hope I am not crap at it now too, due to many years of not having anything more than two minutes fumble!

I had never ever had anyone go down on me at all ever before DP - the ex wouldn't he thought it was disgusting.

It's just all about him - get him a wanking sock and be done.

And do not for the love of God move in with him - you'll end up being his mother with sex thrown in

No need to be so hard on yourself, as you said, you've had a good time together in other ways than sex and you weren't to know he would have such difficulty changing. It's all a useful learning experience.

break your promise

he broke his

he made you think he was a decent boyfriend

he isn't

it's not too late

don't throw away any more orgasms !

stayforthekids I'm sure you're great in bed, good luck with meeting someone who brings it out in you

God I miss orgasms with a man.

you just need a decent partner, stay, and it will be just like riding a bike !

tea, I think it was said upthread

if you stay with this man, have kids etc, you are a prime candidate for a sexual affair

you cannot repress your sexuality for ever

you wouldn't want to go down that road...it causes no end of hurt

finish it cleanly with NOM (no orgasm man) and find yourself someone who has respect for women

TeaParty - I agree with AF.

Oh and I wouldn't be going away with him - honestly you would be better getting shot of NOM asap

But the holidays already paid for, I would probably still enjoy it so maybe after that I will have to tell him. It's not long to wait.

AF - no end of hurt for whom? I think I'm already having an EA with someone so I know this is bad

If you don't tell him before the holiday, then it will be someone's birthday or a special party or some reason not to tell him.

Of course you're ripe for an EA - and a physical one if it develops.

You're not getting your emotional needs met in your relationship and as AF said you can't shut down the sexual side of you for ever.

Something a bit fishy about this thread. You dropped the EA bit in late OP. What's really going on here?

Another in agreement with AF. I came very close to having an affair. Met someone, fell madly in lust....and remembered I was married. It was part of the reason why my marriage ended. Not the person, I had enough morals to not actually act on how I was feeling, but the fact I remembered I had a fanny and it had needs that were never going to be met! (i say part of my marriage break down note).

Dont do it to yourself. Walk away.

Well this guy has showed me a lot of attention, gives me compliments (another lacking in my relationship even when I dressed up nice for my birthday). I'm not a fool, I know it's just lust, but god he is hot and all I'm thinking is 'I bet he could get me off' how awful am I? My boyfriend would be crushed.

mauricetinkler- I know I dropped it in late, I'm finding it hard to even admit to strangers on the internet but I know I need to include it to give the full picture.

mostly hurt for you I reckon

you are already one foot out of this relationship, so why hang on for a holiday ?

jebus this sounds like my exboyf......for your sake i hope it's not!!

If he was 43 I'd think he was my ex !!

perhaps your rubbish bf will learn a good lesson when he realises he has to actually put some sexual effort into a relationship, or it will founder

as yours is doing

who paid for the holiday ?

Because I need a holiday, I've worked 7 days a week for 8 months straight. I know you're right though

I paid half

well, it's up to you of course

but really, you are having an EA with someone else and your bf is a fucking bore...what is the point ?

could you get someone else to come with you, or offer him your ticket for mummy to go with him ?

I need to have a good think about things