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Original poster

My boyfriend is a selfish lover and I don't know what to do

163 replies

Teaparty001 · 20/07/2011 20:09

Hi everyone, first post in here. Sorry if it's crude in parts.

I'm 25, been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. He's great and so is our relationship except he is selfish in bed.

I am a very sexual person and enjoy good sex and prior to my boyfriend I had very attentive boyfriends who put me first and me them.

My current boyf literally just wants to fuck (sorry). He wants to put it in, come and go to sleep. I've spoken to him four times now about it, I've told him what I need and what turns me on, how to touch me, I've also showed him websites with tips for men and foreplay etc etc. he's always a bit hurt, plus he's a real prude and doesn't like talking about sex.

After we talk about it things will be ok for a week or so but then slowly return. Also when hes actually putting effort in, I've now got a mental block so I cannot come because I feel pressure to because I know he just wants to cut to the chase.

I don't know if I can be with someone who doesn't care if I'm satisfied or not. But everything else in the relationship is good - we go on nice holidays, make eachother laugh, we should be moving in together this year too which I'm having doubts about.

Any advice welcome

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/07/2011 20:47

go on, fuckme, say it..

Original poster
Teaparty001 · 20/07/2011 20:47

Do all of your husbands/partners do it for you in bed? I'm wondering if there is anyone like me?

Maybe it's me with the problem?

OP posts:
fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 20/07/2011 20:48

Get him a ticket.

One way.

To the far side of fuck

I'll pay

Wink
AnyFucker · 20/07/2011 20:49

no, he is the problem because he is not willing to listen and learn what pleases you

he is selfish, and frankly, a fucking bore

why would you spend the rest of your life with someone like that ? Confused

AnyFucker · 20/07/2011 20:49

good call, fuckme Smile

I feel a namechange coming on...

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 20/07/2011 20:50

Oh my love you are only young. You are far too young to settle for anything other than great sex. He should want to make you satisfied in bed. You should matter to him. It should matter to him that you aren't happy/orgasming.

The fact that he's only interested in his own pleasure is a huge big red flag.

Trust me, the problem is NOT you, the problem is him. My DP now is so different I had no idea what I was missing out on and not for no man's money would I ever accept anything other than fantastic sex ever ever again.

BerylOfLaughs · 20/07/2011 20:53

I'm a bit bored with the sex DH and I have, but it was fantastic in the beginning. If it's crap for you now, you've asked him 4 times to change and he hasn't, then you need to vote with your feet.
Is it better to lose 2 years 'investment' in rubbish sex or spend the rest of your life enduring this?
Please see this as a long term thing and don't settle. You will resent him eventually and hate yourself for not having left when you had the chance.

Original poster
Teaparty001 · 20/07/2011 20:53

Thank you

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 20/07/2011 20:59

If he really loved you and cared about you he would want you to enjoy sex with him.

skrumle · 20/07/2011 21:00

Do all of your husbands/partners do it for you in bed? I'm wondering if there is anyone like me? Maybe it's me with the problem?

my H didn't do it for me as much as my first boyfriend when we first got together, but the difference is that he was willing to try new things/anything i asked of him! the fact that your OH isn't prepared to listen to what you are saying and try to make you happy is a MASSIVE red flag in my opinion... has he had much experience before you? i would expect a man of 32 to have some idea what he's doing!

Original poster
Teaparty001 · 20/07/2011 21:01

I don't even know how to tell him that I need space to think about us. We're going away in august but Im not keen now.

Also, he watches quite a bit of porn (maybe 3-4 times a week judging by internet history) and this annoys me as I think him being selfish is down to this and his mother treating him like a little king his whole life

OP posts:
Original poster
Teaparty001 · 20/07/2011 21:03

So would I skrumle ! I thought he would be good in bed as he's a real gent otherwise - holding doors open and all that crap, plus with his age he's hardly 16

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/07/2011 21:05

oh no

Gawd save us from the charming, gentlemanly mummy's boy !

AnyFucker · 20/07/2011 21:06

has a Madonna/whore complex going on here ?

does he not-so-secretly believe that women shouldn't enjoy sex ?

AnyFucker · 20/07/2011 21:06

has he

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 20/07/2011 21:06

AF beat me to it

Mummies boy is another one of those red flags.

Does he still live at home?

TheCrackFox · 20/07/2011 21:07

He doesn't sound a keeper.

Some men can start off crap but if they are willing to listen and learn they can get great. He isn't bothered what you think and I am not surprised that he is into porn - there tends to be no foreplay in porn.

Original poster
Teaparty001 · 20/07/2011 21:08

Maybe AF, he knows I don't ever come, I never fake it

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/07/2011 21:09

good girl, never fake it to stroke an inadequate man's ego

Original poster
Teaparty001 · 20/07/2011 21:10

Yes he lives with her, she doesn't like me, doesn't like him even having male friends, wants him all to herself - reverse Oedipus anyone?

She does everything for him, his wardrobe looks like something out of The Gap store

OP posts:
fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 20/07/2011 21:11

See that ticket to the far side of fuck? I'll get it and make it first class.

Sweetheart, run, run like fuck. Before you invest any more time in this loser.

BitOfFun · 20/07/2011 21:11

It's sounding worse by the post.

TheCrackFox · 20/07/2011 21:12

Wow, he isn't even bothered that you never come! Selfish prick.

BerylOfLaughs · 20/07/2011 21:12

"Yes he lives with her, she doesn't like me, doesn't like him even having male friends, wants him all to herself"

Good God woman, run the fuck away!

AnyFucker · 20/07/2011 21:13

tell him to go fuck mummy

You have a life to lead, and this inadequate tosser has no part in it