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Original poster

My boyfriend is a selfish lover and I don't know what to do

163 replies

Teaparty001 · 20/07/2011 20:09

Hi everyone, first post in here. Sorry if it's crude in parts.

I'm 25, been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. He's great and so is our relationship except he is selfish in bed.

I am a very sexual person and enjoy good sex and prior to my boyfriend I had very attentive boyfriends who put me first and me them.

My current boyf literally just wants to fuck (sorry). He wants to put it in, come and go to sleep. I've spoken to him four times now about it, I've told him what I need and what turns me on, how to touch me, I've also showed him websites with tips for men and foreplay etc etc. he's always a bit hurt, plus he's a real prude and doesn't like talking about sex.

After we talk about it things will be ok for a week or so but then slowly return. Also when hes actually putting effort in, I've now got a mental block so I cannot come because I feel pressure to because I know he just wants to cut to the chase.

I don't know if I can be with someone who doesn't care if I'm satisfied or not. But everything else in the relationship is good - we go on nice holidays, make eachother laugh, we should be moving in together this year too which I'm having doubts about.

Any advice welcome

OP posts:
Original poster
Teaparty001 · 20/07/2011 21:14

bitoffun don't I know it? I can't believe this is my relationship. He's a great guy in all other ways

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 20/07/2011 21:14

I think most people have some times when it's better than others. No healthy relationship can survive though when it's universally bad.

Metaphorically pack your bags and get out of there!

Original poster
Teaparty001 · 20/07/2011 21:17

I know this is going to sound vain but I know I'm not an ugly person, I get asked out quite a bit, I run my own business, I've got a good figure and I dress up for him, whats his problem? I would've thought most men would want their woman to scream with pleasure?

OP posts:
Original poster
Teaparty001 · 20/07/2011 21:19

AF & Fuckmepink - do you have a fan club because I want to join

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/07/2011 21:19

most men do

inadequate tossers who worship at the feet of mummy do not give a shit

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 20/07/2011 21:20

Teaparty - this isn't your problem, it's not you, it's him. He's screwed up in the head - the wrong one Wink

TheCrackFox · 20/07/2011 21:20

His problem is that he will never love a woman as much as Mummy.

AnyFucker · 20/07/2011 21:20

teaparty001, for a small fee you may join

make your cheque payable to TheFarSideofFuck.co.uk

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 20/07/2011 21:21

How did I just know he would still be living with Mummydearest? Hmm

He's got an important relationship in his life, the one he wants, that matters most to him. And it's not with you.

Northernlurker · 20/07/2011 21:21

Have consulted dh. He says you should leave and that he thinks the porn thing is largely responsible for your partner's selfishness.

Original poster
Teaparty001 · 20/07/2011 21:21

He doesn't even like his mother

OP posts:
LovelyDaffs · 20/07/2011 21:22

When I was your age I was in a very similar relationship except I was stupid enough to marry him. After a while I didnt want to have sex with him and tried to avoid it at all costs. I ask myself why, he was a terrible kisser and I tried to gently suggest different ways of kissing, but it was really horrible. We didn't last too long and I've been married to my dh for about 12 years during which time it started off all exciting and new and has continued to get better and better. You can't carry on in this relationship as it is you will want to continue to have good sex.

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 20/07/2011 21:22

But I bet he's not moving out. I bet she lifts and lays him and does everything for him. And I bet he likes that.

Original poster
Teaparty001 · 20/07/2011 21:22

AF Grin thanks for making me smile when I feel like crying

OP posts:
BrianAndHisBalls · 20/07/2011 21:24

probably has stupid ideas about sex too if he watches porn. And obviously doesn't respect women.

And he lives with his mother at 32???? Shock

Run girl.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 20/07/2011 21:25

teaparty, agree, it ain't gonna change, you tried, he didn't, call it a day and get yourself a dirrrrrrty boy!!

ps AF fanclub member here too!

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 20/07/2011 21:27

Who was it sang that song about bad boys and the risk you take for the chemistry??

Wink
Original poster
Teaparty001 · 20/07/2011 21:27

Yes the porn thing probably does contribute. He watches some weird stuff like 'ass to mouth' (sorry) and milfs and mature women mostly, so why is he with a younger woman

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/07/2011 21:28

hey, you have a cry, nothing wrong with that

you have every right to wail, you are with a man who is a selfish twat, that's enough to start the waterworks in anybody !

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 20/07/2011 21:28

The porn thing is significant - the porn is all about him, he's doing it for him and only him. It's teaching him, every time he does it, that it's only about him and not about you.

I bet

AnyFucker · 20/07/2011 21:31

oh please "

dump him already

yuk

OriginalPoster · 20/07/2011 21:32

Leave him alone to play with his porridge gun in his lovely tidy and clean bedroom.

Find someone who actually cares about you. You deserve better.

Eurostar · 20/07/2011 21:32

If you want to give it one last try you could try psychosexual therapy together if he will get over his shyness and go. Find one here www.cosrt.org.uk/
They can work with you with sensate focus, www.cosrt.org.uk/pdf/sensate_focus.pdf

It's sad that he has apparently learnt about sex through porn and no wonder that he doesn't understand the female body.

Even if you get the sex life sorted, I'm not sure you'll ever be free of the malign mother's influence, so I'd be thinking very very carefully about moving in with him even if he turns into multi-orgasm man.

Malificence · 20/07/2011 21:32

Any decent man will want his partner to have a lovely time in bed - buy him a fleshlight as a leaving present, that's all you are to him, a flesh and blood wank-sock.

My DH was a better, more thoughtful lover at 17 than your bloke is at 32 - he will never improve, he's far too selfish and probably believes that women don't really want or enjoy sex and that it's something that a man does to a woman. The sad thing is that he's missing out massively too and he doesn't even know it.

AnyFucker · 20/07/2011 21:33

MOM

multi-orgasm man

they should offer them up for free on Ebay Smile