The Brave Babes Battle Bus - We're All Going On A Sober Holiday!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babe's Bus. This is a bus full of drinkers old and new, sober and not, and those who are somewhere in between.

We are all at different levels of sober so you can bet that one of us has walked in your shoes.

If you want advice and support then you're in the right place.

Come take a seat or just lurk, we're happy to have you along for the ride.

And here is a link to the last thread so you can catch up on the journey so far HERE

isindie - I'll let him know. Take care of yourself xx

isindi!! get with the programme woman!!

venus - assert yourself! an '0' only comes round every 10 years!

Hello not quite sure what to say or if i should be saying it on your bus.

If this isnt the right place please just say so i dont want to offend anyone or say anything wrong.

My dp came to realisation that he is a alcoholic yesterday. Ive thought for a long time he abuses alcohol but he has now realised that he does have a issue and he needs to make some changes before things get so bad he hits 'rock bottom'.

So we have looked on the AA website and found a meeting which is local and he is planning on going but is feeling scared/nervous/uncomfortable i guess.

I presume (maybe wrongly so) that someone on your bus may have some experiance of going to a AA meeting for a first time and if so what is it like? Can he just turn up for the first time or do you need to ring first or anything. Im so sorry if these seem really silly questions but we have no idea. What is expected of you on your first meeting? Can you just go sit and listen or do you have to stand up and tell them about yourself etc. What sort of things happen in the meetings.

Anyway i think i may be rambling now but thank you so much for any information you may be willing to share.

Hi toddle
You sound wonderfully supportive of your DP for a start, he is dead lucky to have you :)
He can just turn up at the meeting. And do you know what? Everyone else in the room will be able to remember their first meeting, and how terrified they were. In my experience people have never been anything but friendly, kind and caring.
Where (roughly) do you live? There might be someone here who could go with him. Alternatively, he can ring the national helpline and they will find someone local to speak to him and meet him to go in.
Ask anything else that you need to. Good luck to you both.

isindie - here's your mate on the consumption side of things
feel embarrassed still being on here but here goes again.
today I will not be drinking.

Morning all

Hello to all new posters, I've been away for a few days, and this thread gallops away when one misses a day or so!
Posting on here was one of the first things I did, after I had admitted to Dh that I was very worried about my drinking, and everyone has been more help to me than you can imagine. 9 months on, and I haven't been completely abstemious in that time, but my mindset has changed beyond recognition. So, welcome, welcome, I'm sure it will help you too.

Very emotional time for me, the last week, seeing DC1 graduate was incredible, but I was up at 6am on the day, sobbing over the words that I was writing on his card! I wanted to say so much, but in the end I wrote, and then spoke the words to him, anyway, and cried again [dope icon].

DC1 is home for a few days, in a couple of weeks, and then moves to his own flat, and new job. Then two weeks after that DC2 goes to Uni .
La, la.....not going to think about it!!!!!!

I didn't drink very much while I was away, two glasses of wine at the Grad dinner, and two glasses of champagne at lunch on the day. But, my crikey, last night I had that horrible mind game tussle. Shall I, shan't I? It doesn't matter, yes it does! In the end I had dinner, which always helps, and read my book until 11. So glad I didn't drink this morning (hence my early post!), and so very glad that I got over the hurdle of thinking, I'm back, I can relax (by sinking into a bottle or two ).

Venus

As you know, I had that Birthday . I think you should tell Dh what you are hoping for on the day. I think it is totally reasonable to want the actual day to be very special. If Dp is anything like mine, he will need hints (in the form of notes in capital letters!), to help him along.
I'm sure that he wants you to have fantastic Birthday, but maybe thinks that the big do is the main event. Don't be non-assertive about it, and then spend the day thinking that he should have done something (oops, talking about me there!). P.s No kitchen stuff .

Sending love
Speak later
xxx

I meant, so glad, this morning, that I didn't drink last night!!!

P.S
Ma No!!!!!

Hello,

just thought I'd say is anyone there in a sad voice, and realised that I hadn't seen your post Ma.

My friend, how are things with you? You know what my No was about?
xxx

"and alcohol is horrible really. it messes up your brain chemistry, it messes up your sleep and leaves you exhausted and miserable and unproductive, it humiliates you and allows people to gossip about you, it makes you fat, it makes you less of a mother, friend, daughter etc"

SAF You managed to sum up in one paragraph exactly how I feel about my drinking!

So what's you favourite way of sabotaging yourself saf?

I read something recently about the fear of failure and the equal and opposite fear of success, both of which we can respond to by sabotaging our best efforts, our nicest projects etc.

watching it with one eye open and one closed allowing me to focus on the telly obrigada that did make me

SAF your post above i take from that that i'm not an alcoholic. i don't know if anyone would agree with me. but that i have no bloody self control, fall easily into ruts, and have a hideous 'little miss more' complex whereby it's never enough is exactly how I feel. I am so greedy!

I had a fab weekend away. Drank moderately Sunday but last night shared a bottle with DH (I think he managed to get one glass . It's a bit like, I know I wont drink the next day so I want to have loads when I do drink. So still a big problem with me.

However, onward and upward. I will not be drinking today.

I have learned to be a bit kinder to myself. I did not overdrink whilst away. I did not ruin my lovely family break. We all had a wonderful time. Not a hangover in sight. So I know I can do it. Next family 'do' is 12 days away and I feel happy that I will be much more in control

Bolly welcome to the bus. How has your day been so far?

SAF

"i take from that that i'm not an alcoholic." i'm afraid, if you were to ask my opinion, I would take from that the exact opposite. Stopping drinking is very easy - the hard bits are

convincing yourself you need to stop
staying stopped
not starting again
not starting to believe you can "moderate" your drinking - "it'll be different this time". Moderation is the hardest route of all for the alcoholic.

" but that i have no bloody self control, fall easily into ruts, and have a hideous 'little miss more' complex whereby it's never enough - be that flavour, booze, drugs, food sometimes, sex (once i've started having it - but like the booze find it easy not to have it when i'm not)." If you ever do go to an AA meeting, you will hear all these things described, and identified, by the speaker(s) concerned, as part of his/her alcoholism.

Sorry if this is bad news for you. The good news, of course, is that most problems are easier to solve once you have worked out what the problem is.

Feel free to ignore me if you think I'm barking up the wrong tree; I can only share about my own experience, after all.

That's what I mean about being kind your yourself SAF

We are our own worst critics. We would never speak to others the way we speak to ourselves. We should champion ourselves.

I read recently about the 'Primal Lie' - the (false) beliefs which underpin much of our thinking. It is based on the conditioned beliefs and behaviours we have collected since early childhood and which frame our responses to life and relationships. Primal lies include phrases such as: "I don't deserve it"; "I'm not good enough"; I'm worthless"; "Nothing ever works out right for me".

In relation to addiction (or destructive habits or escapism) there's a (false) story that we run in our heads which goes like this.....

1. I am not good enough, there is something inherently unlovable/unlikeable/flawed about me. If people knew what I'm really like, they would reject me.

1. Therefore, I daren't trust anyone to love the real me. It is not safe to become that vulnerable.

1. If I can find a substance or behavior to comfort or protect myself, I will find a way to cope with my inner shame / self-loathing / fear of abandonment / pain of being alone.

1. Once I have found that means of coping, I can no longer envision life completely without it. That idea scares me.

There is nothing abnormal about having these thoughts and most people with a healthy psyche will balance the 'not good enough' thoughts with real knowledge about and confidence that they are good enough (at least most of the time). What I think I have done with drinking, is rely on that at the risk of learning some better ways to cope with those feelings, or even to learn that the beliefs are totally false.

All a bit heavy for this time on a Tuesday morning, what? Time to go shopping

MIFLAW and venus

Thanks for both your comments. I am amazed how much I learn from you all here. So many of us bumbling along, not really understanding and there you guys are, ahead of us on the road, been through it yourselves, guiding us, advising us, holding our hands, helping to pull us out of the sticky bits . . .
ok so am now picturing a path through a forest with steams, mud, fallen branches, but also open spaces, flowers, grass and sunshine . . . I'll stop now

Thank you all for your support yesterday it helps not to feel so alone and to just admit that I am an alcoholic. Today I'm feeling mostly self loathing and incomprehension over what I've been doing. Venus just summed up my thought process exactly but I'm not sure how I can change it, I have never had any self esteem not even as a child. One step at a time though and today I will NOT be drinking.

Strength to everyone out there trying to tackle this awful demon.