Had meeting with DV woman today.

[Lemmingswife]

Met up with her at my HV's house.
Session was tough & I had to go through everything that went on at home.
DV officer was shocked & terms it as serious emotional abuse.
Told me a little about my rights regarding the house & has advised me to make photocopies of all personal stuff, like childrens birth certificates, mortgage details, marraige certificate etc.
HV is really starting to get other bits moving.
Very scary.

I think so, marthamoo!
Bourneville - I can see what you are saying, but I am not that head strong ATM.

Well, like I said, a H is different from a boss and I wouldn't've been as headstrong if it was a marriage i was in i'm sure.

Sorry - I am not having a very strong day today.
Things are getting on top of me a bit.

Oh dear. What's the apology for - nothing to apologise for!
what's going on?

Apologising for being negative!
Think it is hitting me how enormous all this is.
It has taken a couple of days for it all to sink in & today it has.

Yeah, it's because you're actually doing something concrete about it rather than just talking about it. It is a huge, huge thing but as many people have previously said, you can get through it - and the end result will be far, far better than what you are going through now.

I know. Just having trouble absorbing everything.
H is being okay ATM, but I find it impossible being around him.

I think you were someone with high stress levels - is that right?

Even if you're not, you're still doing the right thing - try and stay strong. I can't begin to imagine how terrifying this is but you are only taking your first steps and fear of the unknown is always hard. Thinking of you xxx

Yes, marthamoo, that is right. High stress levels I do have!
They seem higher tonight!!!
I am plodding on & know that I must do all these things. However, the deep scary stuff, I am trying to push to the back of my mind, like it is not happening.
Just having one of those days. I do from time to time, when things get a bit much.
Ignore me, I will be okay tomorrow!

I would be more worried about you if you weren't finding it scary - it's a huge thing to do and it has taken you a long time to get to the point where you feel brave enough to do it. So long as you just keep putting one foot in front of the other - little baby steps - you'll get there. What do they say? Feel the fear and do it anyway. Hang on in there and we'll all be celebrating on the day that you and your boys are free.

Thanks marthamoo.

Yep LW, been there, and don't worry about pushing the really scary stuff to the back of your mind, that's one way to survive actually. I think I managed to dissociate a certain amount.

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Oh no, poor you, essbee. Are you feeling any better now?
Glad you received my CAT in the end.

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Oh dear - you are having a few problems with your space bar, aren't you?!
Glad to hear you are feeling better today.
I am feeling a little stronger than yesterday, but only because I am trying to get on with things & not think too deeply about any of this.
I have to push it to the back of my mind a bit, or I would crack up ATM!
Going out later, round to a work friends house, so that should help take my mind of things for a bit.

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Glad today's a bit better, lw. Essbee - you need to get that fixed

Message received, essbee!

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Oh dear! Hope she is okay now.
Last night was ok. H quickly got over his tantrum about the one box of coke & the rest of the evening was quite peaceful.
My HV wants to meet with me on the 14th of this month, but this is a Wednesday, which is normally a full day at work, so I will have to try & do a bit of juggling.
Feeling a little better in myself, but think it is because I am letting it all slip to the back of my mind to enable me to get on with things.

Instead of using the "quiet" times to let everything slip to the back of your mind, use it to consolidate your ideas and plans for the future and your escape. If you want untilh is in one of his really stroppy pathetic episodes, you can't think straight. When things are calm, you can really plan and think properly.

It is not so much the thought of leaving that I am letting slip to the back of my mind, but is all that is ging to be going on regarding the children.
I have had 2 letters come to my work in the last week & much as I know it is the right thing, I am finding it hard to take it all in.
I have to put this bit into a corner at the back of my mind, just to be able to cope on a day to day bases & to be able to concentrate properly at work etc.
I do think about the future quite a bit.

Well we have had a talk tonight & it seems he sees our relationship as very much on the brink too.
He blames it on me spending too much time on here.
He said I am not the same person he married.