Had meeting with DV woman today.

[Lemmingswife]

Met up with her at my HV's house.
Session was tough & I had to go through everything that went on at home.
DV officer was shocked & terms it as serious emotional abuse.
Told me a little about my rights regarding the house & has advised me to make photocopies of all personal stuff, like childrens birth certificates, mortgage details, marraige certificate etc.
HV is really starting to get other bits moving.
Very scary.

Message withdrawn

I think I have just clicked who you are and wish you all the luck in the world. It will all be worth it in the end. stay strong.

Thanks spangles.
I have my moments of panic & moments of guilt etc, but know I need help to sort my life out right now & much as things are calm again ATM, I have to remind myself that it will not last.

have only just seen this thread and can't beleive I missed it as I had been wondering about you. Wow, what a lot has happened I really do feel for you and wish you lots of strength.

As for me, P left the house on Monday because things came to a head and I asked him to leave. It was the weekend from hell and he keeps begging me for another chance. I have to keep reminding myself that he is very good at saying stuff like 'oh i will change i know i treat you badly etc' because sometimes I feel like I am over reacting to the way he treats me and god knows where me and the kids will end up when we have to sell house etc....Very heartbreaking and surreal. And right on top of Xmas

Stay strong x x x

Are you actually planing to leave or get H to leave? My 1st marriage emded straight after christmas 10 yrs ago and it was hard and I didnt have the added complication of 2 kids to consider. But it really was the best decision I ever made and once you get all the details sorted ie: financial stuff and where your going to live and a solicitor (if you go the whole hog and divorce the bastard, which if your ending the relationship you should do to tie up the loose ends) you will start to feel better.
Things WILL be ok.. I can assure you of that... anyway they really cant be any worse than they are now .. can they?

Keep in mind all the time that your sons problems at the mo may have been caused by H's mad way of life. If you keep that in mind, even when things at home are calm (I know where you are coming from btw) you can never forget how awful your situation is.

It may sound obvious but keep saying it over and over to yourself.

I tried to CAT you shannen, but you are not CATable!
Sorry to hear you have had such an awful time & are going through all this right before Christmas.
You have been very strong to get him out though.
How are the children coping with it all?
The woman I work alongside asked if I was ok again today.
I reassured her that I was not going through a break down & was not going to go fruitcake on her, but didn't go into everything.
She said that she wanted to help me if she could & was welling up on me before I had even said anything! (she is a very emotional person)
Don't know whether to let her in a little about what's going on.
I don't want her to think I wouldn't confide in her, but at the same time my work is the one place I can just be myself (other than when I am having these tough meetings) & I feel I need that escapism, IYKWIM?

I don't even understand what CAT is really!!??!!
If I were you I would just tell your colleague that you are having lots of arguments at home and leave it at that - as you say, your workplace is important to you because it is almost like an escape(?)

Things are really bad for me at the moment.
DD1 has handled it quite well - perhaps too well, I think she is afraid of upsetting other people if she gets upset - though I have reassured her and talked to her about it regularly.

Things are very much so still up in the air.

If you CAT someone what does this mean? I would like to contact you somehow but don't necessarily want to type everything on your thread!! (still paranoid about typing detailed stuff!!) Up to you of course.

Hope today has gone ok for you, what shift is H on today

Sorry shannen - I had to take DS1 to the school disco! I was pleased as he really seemed to enjoy it & I lost him for a good 40 mins of it!
Sorry to hear that things are really bad ATM. It must be really tough for you to be going through all this over Christmas.
You can contact me anytime, shannen. If you CAT me I will send you my e-mail address.
Take care of yourself.xxx
I am okay today thanks spangles. H is around, but things are calm ATM.
He is off for a couple of weeks as of next Thursday, so I am hoping things can remain calm over Christmas.
We have the blimmin designer tree up now though!

lol regarding the designer tree.. not the designer bit, just the thought of what young children do to them. I am delaying putting our tree up coz my 18 mth old DS2 will trash it! I know this coz the other day I went to get tickets for DS1 school nativity and there was a lovely tree in the school foyer.. needless to say DS2 pulled off quite a few baubles and left the tree lights dangling down to the floor. Hope H doesnt res=alise you have changed your nickname!

sorry I am crap at typing... I meant realise

H is terrible for things looking just so & that includes his tree!
The paper we wrap the presents in has to co-ordinate with the tree decorations!!
I am hoping H didn't know my last name, but now things are getting more dodgy I thought I best have a complete change.

Thanks LW may try to CAT you in a while. I just can't imagine why someone would need to match tree decs with the wrapping paper! You really do have your work cut out for you.

Do you have to instruct your boys not to go near it??

Hope you are visiting family Xmas day and not stuck there with him, might take the pressure of the 'happy family day' that Xmas is 'meant' to be. bah humbug!!! I think its really hard whe your not happy and imagine how Xmas could and should be. Its depressing.

Did you once mention H starting an anger management course? Just wondering if so had he started it yet?

LW, I think I know who you are....I have been asking after you recently..Sorry about the delay in my post but things have been manic in the shhhh household! Just want to say I hope all goes well,from reading your posts your are well on the road to getting your life sorted. I do hope 2006 is a much happier year for you. xx

Thanks shhhh. Did you receive my CAT?
Shannen, do get in touch. I know where you are coming from when you say you are cautious about posting on here, but you must be feeling really low right now & although I may not be able to help, I would like to offer my support.
In answer to your Q about keeping the boy's away from the Christmas tree: yes I do have to stop them getting too close to the tree, as there are glass decorations & I don't want a repeat of last years happenings.

LW I didn't get your cat..did you send one..? May be stuck at MN HQ..?
Hope all is ok. I am off to bed now as its way past my bed time. Hope to hear from you soon. xx

Yes I sent one to you last week, shhhh.
Oh well, not to worry!

It was just to let you know where I was really!

how was your weekend?

about DS1 and school disco!

Yes I was really pleased that he felt confident enough to run around with his friend at the disco. He didn't need me there at all!
He has done some neat cutting out at school today & apparantly concentrated well, so I am pleased.
My w/e has not been too bad thanks, shannen. How are things with you?
I have a very full on few days now though, as I have a meeting at work tomorrow with this woman from SS & my HV. I am then seeing my HV alone on Wednesday afternoon & my counsellor on Thursday.
Not looking forward to tomorrows meeting at all & a few guilt type feelings have been sweeping over me.

We had a bit of a talk last night & he said that he doesn't often see me smile these days & that he wants to sort his temper out, which is why he has agreed to this counselling.
I think this is why I am getting a few guilty feelings about tomorrow.

LW, please don't feel guilty. Guilt is the last emotion you should be feeling. I think your DH knows he's pushed too far and will lose you and is trying to reverse the situation. Don't fall for it. You have been with this man for a long time now, I really don't see how he will ever truly change.

Good luck with your meetings this week. Stay strong, you're on the right track.

How are you managing with the Christmas preparations? Must be particularly hard at this time of the year, having to pretend everything is normal and be jolly with your sons and family. Roll on 2006 and your new (happier) life.