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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Had meeting with DV woman today.

346 replies

Lemmingswife · 25/11/2005 17:16

Met up with her at my HV's house.
Session was tough & I had to go through everything that went on at home.
DV officer was shocked & terms it as serious emotional abuse.
Told me a little about my rights regarding the house & has advised me to make photocopies of all personal stuff, like childrens birth certificates, mortgage details, marraige certificate etc.
HV is really starting to get other bits moving.
Very scary.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 12/01/2006 07:25

Got counselling at luchtime today.

OP posts:
Caribbeanqueen · 12/01/2006 22:46

Hi, how are you doing? How was your counselling today? How have things been recently?

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 13/01/2006 07:44

Hi, CQ. Did you get my e-mail?
Things with H are calmer atm, but I am having to make lots of tough decisions.
In a way, I would rather he was showing his true colours while I was going through all these meetings, as it would make things much easier.
Counselling was ok yesterday & we covered a lot.
My counsellor said that she was going to ask my GP if I could continue with a few more sessions, as it will be session 12 next time (you are only meant to have 12 sessions at a time on the NHS) & she thinks given my circumstances atm, I could do with some more.
It has been a stressful couple of weeks, but I have spent the last two nights in the company of friends, which has helped take my mind of things.

OP posts:
Pip · 13/01/2006 08:14

Hi LW. Sorry things are so difficult for you right now and I hope your Nan is okay. It must be such a difficult time for you right now. I just wanted to say how proud I am of you, you have come so far. You WILL get through this and you will be happy again. A big hug to you and your boys. x

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 13/01/2006 14:39

Thanks pip.
I am keeping myself busy atm, to try & take my mind of things.
I have a couple of weeks break now, before any more in the way of meetings & counselling. I think I need it!

OP posts:
Bugsy2 · 13/01/2006 21:08

you are so brave LV. Well done you for going to counselling and for thinking to the future for you and your children.

Caribbeanqueen · 13/01/2006 23:28

No, I didn't get your email, lw.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 14/01/2006 08:34

Oh, I must have typed out your address wromg. I tried to send it the night before my meeting.
I will try & send you another one when i get a chance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 14/01/2006 08:35

Well if I can spell wrong, wromg, I guess the chances of me getting it wrong are quite high!!

OP posts:
shannen · 23/01/2006 21:24

Hows things LW??

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 24/01/2006 16:26

Hi shannen. How are things with you?
Things with H quite calm atm, but he is working 12 hr days, so I am not seeing that much of him.
I am have another meeting with my HV & SS woman on Friday, to discuss my plans.
H has shocked me by announcing that he has his first counselling session on Thursday. I really didn't think he would ever get round to going!
I was feeling quite strong last week, but am a little more wobbly this week. This has been made worse by my sister telling me that when she had mentioned to my parents that she was worried about me & H, my Dad got angry & said "She needn't think she can come crawling to us."
He also went on about how he thought of H like a son & what a fool I would be etc.
I know now that I would get no support from them, other than a huge lecture.
I am still plodding on with everything & trying to stay focused though.
What has been happening with you? Are things any better?

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 24/01/2006 18:56

Hi LW havent posted in a while but have been following your thread. i cant believe your family can be so harsh after all you've been through and are still going through, just goes to show what a brave face you've been putting on in front of them for them not to know how hard it is!
Don't let this make you feel that you need to stay with H, life is meant for living and being happy not walking on eggshells and living in fear, even though he has announced he is going to counselling i very much doubt this will change him in the long term so you need to focus on getting out. No-one said you had to go back to your parents house or even your sisters, you could start putting money away now and rent somewhere of your own even if it is a far cry from what you and your boys are used to it will be a happier place where you and your children can relax and spill drinks if you want! it wont be for long anyway because you are entitled to money from the house etc.
If you could get H to move out he would have the worry of finding somewhere else to live and the boys wouldnt have to be uprooted. But if you do have to move (because to be honest i can see how it would be hard to get him to go) then it wouldnt be as harmful to your children as staying there will be.

When my mum left my dad she went to stay with my nan for a few weeks until she rented a house and then after a while we went to live with her and it worked out fine and i admire the way my mum didnt stay with my dad and be his doormat she got out there and made herself happy which in turn made us happy because all we wanted was for the arguing to end and for her to be happy.

How are you planning on getting away, have you thought about any of that yet or am i jumping the gun? (i understand if you cant say too much)

Bugsy2 · 24/01/2006 21:31

hi LW, don't let your father's opinions get to you. You are being strong and taking positive steps to look to the future - possibly without your H. You must concentrate on what is best for you and the children - your father has no proper appreciation for what you are going through, so he is in no position to make a well informed comment. Just put it to one side & keep focussing on what is important for you and your little ones.b

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 25/01/2006 22:54

Hi, LMG & Bugsy.
I try not to let my family get to me too much & am getting much better at letting their comments wash over me now, especially since my counselling.
A lot is going on over the next couple of days, as H has his first counselling session tomorrow morning & I have my next session with my HV & the SS woman on Friday.
I am amazed H is going through with his counselling session tomorrow. He said tonight that he is dreading it, but that he wants to sort his temper out.
I really, really don't know what to think. I want to believe him & I want a fairytail ending, but realistically I know that the chances of a huge change are very slim.
I am starting to try & have some plans of my own, but don't want to say to much on here atm, because I am scared.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 25/01/2006 23:01

H's counselling is the start of his AM, btw.
CQ, did you get my second e-mail?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 26/01/2006 16:06

Well...he went. He was in a horrible mood this morning & was adament that he wasn't going to say anything about his childhood etc, unless the counsellor asked.
It turns out that he had to cover quite a bit, from his school days - now.
He said it wasn't very nice, but didn't want to say much about it.
I think he really needs this counselling, but don't think it will be some miracle cure.

OP posts:
Bugsy2 · 26/01/2006 16:15

Aw LW, felt for you when you said you wanted the fairytale ending. I know what that feels like to want everything to come right so badly.
Its good that he went to the counselling.
How are you doing?

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 26/01/2006 16:29

I am plodding on. I go from feeling strong to feeling all over the place atm.
He has not been in the nicest of moods for the last couple of days, but he's on nights tonight, so I will have some time on my own.

OP posts:
Bugsy2 · 26/01/2006 16:36

Enjoy the time to yourself & hope all your meetings go well tomorrow.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 26/01/2006 16:38

Thankyou.

OP posts:
Caribbeanqueen · 27/01/2006 09:27

Hi, glad to hear that h went to his counselling session yesterday. Like the others say, I don't think it will be a miracle cure, but it is at least a positive step that he actually turned p for it. I think he will find it very hard if he has to work through thinks from his childhood.

Good luck with you rmeetings today.

I haven't received any emails. I will email you later today and then you can reply!

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 27/01/2006 21:55

I must have copied your e-mail address out wrong, CQ!
I got through the meeting ok, today, but I am feeling very stressed tonight.
H has arranged for his second counselling session next Thursday.

OP posts:
Pip · 29/01/2006 19:09

Hi LW, how are things? I know it´s a stressful time for you. Nothing new to add, just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you x

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 29/01/2006 19:16

Thankyou for thinking of me pip.
H has been okay over the last few days & is on nights tonight, so I have some thinking time.
I am feeling a little overloaded with things atm, but am plodding on.

OP posts:
dewberry1 · 01/02/2006 14:26

Id ring my mum..explain all...and ask if i could go there...I would never put up with what you have for so long..think of you..its your life...you will be so much happier without the stress and discover the real you that has been hiding for so long..

sorry no sympathy..its been going on too long now without decisions being made

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