Had meeting with DV woman today.

[Lemmingswife]

Met up with her at my HV's house.
Session was tough & I had to go through everything that went on at home.
DV officer was shocked & terms it as serious emotional abuse.
Told me a little about my rights regarding the house & has advised me to make photocopies of all personal stuff, like childrens birth certificates, mortgage details, marraige certificate etc.
HV is really starting to get other bits moving.
Very scary.

hi ive been following your thread and feel so sorry for you. it makes me feel my own problems are not so worrying. i hope hes not going to be awful to you when he comes in drunk, id be petrified. youre so brave. good luck.xxxxxx

Yes that is what does it. He can be calm for a period of time, but it will be because I haven't done anything to make him mad.
I paniced the other night, because some drink got spilt near the computer & I tried to clean it up before he spotted it.
In the end I had to confess & he was not as angry as I thought he would be, but that was only because he would quite like the computer to blow up! If it had been spilt over the carpet, or something he was fond of, it would have been a whole different story.

Thanks 7777777. I should be ok when he comes home (I hope), as drink doesn't really make him any nastier than normal. He just becomes more annoying!

Aha! There's you answer to the red wine business - sit next to the PC with a big glass whenever you feel like it!

It's no way to live, LW, I hope all does remain calm over the holiday period, but in the long run, you can't live like that. I honestly don't know how you have remained so calm and sane.

I'm off to bed....hope all is ok tonight. (haven't looked at my e mail as it's such a pain on home computer - will e mail you tomorrow) xxx

Night Blu.

glad to hear he doesnt get any worse when drunk, although more annoying is bad enough!cant believe he treats you so bad about the house being tidy. i havent read all the messages but presume he does tidying up etc as well?

He is obsessive about having a tidy house & should have shares in Mr Muscle.
I will never be tidy enough for him.

hope you ok today and he wasnt mean to you when he came home.xx

I am ok today, 7777777. Thanks for asking.
He didn't get home until gone midnight & appeared quite drunk, but he wasn't nasty.
I stayed up in bed out of the way & he fell asleep downstairs on the sofa, until some ridiculous time in the morning!
I am feeling a little more human today than I was yesterday. This is because I am getting on with things & pushing everything to the back of my head again. Yesterday I had far too much time to think & stress myself out.

I had to smile at "he should have shares in Mr Muscle".

Glad you're feeling a little bit better today.

He blimmin should, dinosaur! We get through stacks of the stuff!
Don't know where he is right now. I went out shopping with my Mum for a bit this morning & I have come back to an empty house!

I am making the most of the peace!

you enjoy the peace and try not to do any tidying up!xx

It drives me mad having too much time to think! Suffering with that myself at the moment! How the hell does one turn one's mind off??

Message withdrawn

They came back at around 4.30pm. They had been round to visit his friend for the afternoon.
I didn't have to tidy up, as the place was immaculate when I got back.
The other week, when I was picked up for my work do by the women I work with, she was shocked at my kitchen & kept saying "This is your kitchen? Where are the piles?!"
This tells me that it is not normal to other people.

He is being okay ATM. I don't know how long he can keep it up.

I was thinking about your thread as I was walking in to work this morning.

One thing that struck me was that it's not quite the full story to say that it's only you failing to meet his ridiculous standards that sets him off - hasn't he also got horribly angry and been very cruel to your DS1 over very minor misdemeanours?

Yes, dinosaur, you are right, he has been very OTT with punishing DS1 in the past & has taken over situations because he doesn't like the way I am dealing with them.
A lot of things that he gets angry about do seem to revolve around the house though & often when he is angry with DS, it will be because he is playing with toys on the work top, left toys on the kitchen floor, eaten something somewhere he shouldn't have etc.
The first time he got really angry with DS & said he had to stay up in his room, it was because he had pulled down his curtain pole while looking out of the window.
But yes, you are right, he does also go off on one about all sorts of other things. Basically he is ok all the time things are ticking along the way he likes them - but when something happens which is not to his liking, he can suddenly turn nasty.

Hi LW. How are things today?

Hi, dinosaur.
Things are still quite calm on the H front ATM.
I have been coping with more sick children recently, as DS2 came down with this vomiting bug in the early hours of yesterday morning - just when I thought it was all over!

Oh, sympathies, DS2 was throwing up at 2 a.m. as well.

Oh no! It's a nightmare isn't it?
Are you still working, or have you finished for Christmas now?

Finishing at lunchtime tomorrow

Finishing at lunchtime tomorrow