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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Had meeting with DV woman today.

346 replies

Lemmingswife · 25/11/2005 17:16

Met up with her at my HV's house.
Session was tough & I had to go through everything that went on at home.
DV officer was shocked & terms it as serious emotional abuse.
Told me a little about my rights regarding the house & has advised me to make photocopies of all personal stuff, like childrens birth certificates, mortgage details, marraige certificate etc.
HV is really starting to get other bits moving.
Very scary.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 22/12/2005 11:26

I bet you can't wait! You must be very tired today if you were up dealing with vomit at 2am.
I hope he is feeling better for Christmas & that the rest of the dinosaur household stays lergy free!

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DinosaurInAManger · 22/12/2005 11:27

I do feel a bit odd, especially as had already been up with whiffly DS3 for a while before DS2 staggered out of his bedroom to announce there was sick on his pillow!

Hope your DS2 recovers soon and the rest of you don't succumb to anything else horrid.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 22/12/2005 11:30

Poor you! It is a nightmare trying to function at work when you feel so tired isn't it?
Did your DH help you out much with it all?

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DinosaurInAManger · 22/12/2005 11:34

When DS3 started crying AGAIN (after the DS2 vomiting incident) he went in and settled him down. But it still took me ages to get back to sleep, which is always really annoying, isn't it?

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 22/12/2005 11:37

It is very annoying! My H is worse than useless when it comes to dealing with vomit, so I do it all myself!
I know that feeling of not being able to get back to sleep & it is always worse after one of the children has been sick, as you are half waiting for it to happen again.

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DinosaurInAManger · 22/12/2005 11:40

Glad things are calm atm anyway, keeping everything crossed that they continue like that. Are you having your family over on Christmas Day?

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 22/12/2005 11:45

I hope it all stays calm. It was his birthday yesterday, so he was in an okay mood in general, other than a little strop because he didn't get sex on his birthday!
I looked up my thread from last Chistmas & could not believe how bad things were then & how pathetic I was a year back!

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 22/12/2005 12:07

We are going to my Mum's Christmas day.

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Bugsy2 · 22/12/2005 12:15

Glad you are ok, LM. Shame about pukey kids. Take care of yourself over Christmas, it can be a really tough time.

ESSgonnaBEEagoodchristmas · 22/12/2005 12:31

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 22/12/2005 12:34

Thanks, Bugsy.
I am pushing the hard thoughts to the back of my head again atm, just to get through Christmas.
I am hoping things stay calm & we don't have any of H's outbursts in the next couple of weeks.

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 22/12/2005 12:35

Reading the thread, I seemed very pathetic & in complete denial.
I guess it shows I have moved on a bit in the last year.

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 22/12/2005 12:40

Goodness knows where I will be a year from now!

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spangles · 22/12/2005 16:17

Hi LW... Hopefully you will be safe and secure with our 2 DSs and feeling no panic when things get spilled etc...
Your H reminds me of him out of sleeping with the enemy! Are ou making plans for the future... or are you just waiting till H pushes you too far?

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 22/12/2005 16:46

You are not the first person to compare him to the bloke out of sleeping with the enemy, spangles.
The social worker that I met up with, said they often show that film to women who are in denial of the abuse going on in their relationships.
I watched the film years ago, way before I met H. Maybe I should watch it again now.
I am making plans.

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 22/12/2005 16:51

I have the horrible job of telling him that his Auntie has died, when he comes home.

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DinosaurInAManger · 22/12/2005 16:56

Oh, sorry to hear that, LW. Were they very close? Was she his father's sister?

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 22/12/2005 17:00

He thought a lot of her. She was a very sweet lady. She was married to his Mum's brother.
I feel really sad for his Uncle. He was hoping she would get better.

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DinosaurInAManger · 22/12/2005 17:22

That is sad. Good luck with telling him. Hope it doesn't flip his mood.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 22/12/2005 17:28

I have just told him. It was not easy.
He is sad, but hasn't gone into a mood atm.
His uncle was apparantly at his best friends funeral today. How horrible for him.

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DinosaurInAManger · 22/12/2005 17:45

Yes, very.

spangles · 23/12/2005 08:02

Glad your ok LW and making plans for a ew life for you and your boys.
Its 10 ears ago exactly since my first marriage went bang and I have to say they have been the best 10 years of my life. They have just flown by... I guess the old saying "time flies when your having fun" really is true. My ExH beat me (only once) and I ran out of the house late at night with just my handbag... dont know why coz there was no money or door keys in it! I slept at my best friends house and when I went back the morning after the doors were locked, lights on, pills all over the kitchen floor and I couldnt get in. I had to call the police to gain entry for me and the stupid bastard had took an overdose. He was ok after a few days in hospital but it was awful at the time although now it all seems so long ago. You will be ok... all I want to say is be prepared.. make a plan.. try and stash a bit of money, door keys etc ANYTHING you think you might need when it all reaches boiling point. Good luck to you and keep smiling and think of your lovely little boys.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 23/12/2005 09:32

How very frightening for you, spangles.
I take it that all this happened before you had children?
You did well to get away when you did & I am pleased that you are happy now.
Did he try the overdose thing again at any point?
We are going through one of our calm spells atm, thank God.
I know that I musn't let this fool be into believing he has suddenly changed, as we have been through many of these calm spells before & I know they only last so long.
My head feels overloaded with everthing, right now. I feel I need to just get through Christmas before starting my real serious, scary thinking.
My Mum was going on about a couple of people we know that have recently seperated & said to "Everyone seems to be in a mess atm."
I sat there thinking "You have no idea what a mess I am in!"

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spangles · 23/12/2005 12:54

Yes this all happened before I had children thank god, he had never tried the overdose thing with me before but he did with his next partner.. he also set fire to the house they shared! So glad I got out and made a fresh start. When It all went wrong my mum told me to try and sort it out.. I dont know why coz she hated him but when I made it clear there was no way I was going to live like that she supported me all the way.. hopefully yours will do the same when she realises the extent of the abuse you have put up with

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 24/12/2005 09:35

He sounds very unstable! You did right to get away when you did.
Things are still quite calm here, so I am hoping it continues that way over the whole of Christmas.

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