DH went to strip club last night. 3 dances. Am I stupid & naive to feel so sad about it?

[bail]

DH came in at 5am last night. I was relaxed about it as he only goes out infrequently (every couple of months) and I trust him (or should I say, I USED to trust him).

Anyway, to cut a long story short, after initially lying to me, I discovered he went to a very swish and expensive strip club in near Mayfair. He had three dances.

I am upset, I keep imagining gorgeous girls dancing for him, wearing next to nothing and then my DH handing over money to them for the pleasure.

What do others think about this?

sm2k must be the OP's DH...............

Aislingora - yes, I am still here. I waved goodbye after post 100 or so, as I found the discussion had turned not only a little sinister (with talk of murderers and rapists) but also bitchy and, to be frank, boring.

However I was up early with DS this morning and I could not resist another peek.

So here are my responses to some of the questions and comments/insults that have been swung my way.

1. the comment that I only stayed with DH for the money? ridiculous. Yes, I have just taken the decision to become a SAHM, and yes DH earns significantly more than me. However, I was on >£50k a year and have good savings and two sizeable inheritances behind me in my own name. I stayed with DH purely and simple because I love him. I imagine this must be difficult for some of the hard mumsnet cynics out there, but it is the truth.

1. DH scared / threatened me to stay with him. I won't dignify this with a full response. Suffice to say, in all the years I have been with DH i have NEVER, not once, felt remotely threatened, frightened or anything remotely similar.

1. I am weak and pathetic. Well, thank you for your support! But no, I am neither of those things. I was very upset to hear that when drunk and out with friends he had gone to a strip club and had three dances (NOT lap dances!). I was gutted in fact. But we talked it over, he apologised profusely, and it is over. Why prolong an argument just for the sake of it.

1. I forgave him too quickly. On this point I concede the poster may have a point. I do have a tendency to move on from arguments very very quickly and I do admit that DH could get the impression that his behavious was acceptable. The thing is, it is not in my nature to hold grudges or be angry for very long. I tend to forget the detail, hate the tension and just want to move onwards and upwards. The poster articulately (without nastiness or aggression. Take note AF) explained that, for example, when children misbehave, sometimes we punish them in such a way that we also suffer, but the important point is to make a stand. I do agree with this in respect to children. But my DH is an adult, and prolonging an artgument (or "withholding domestic services" as one poster wrote) would be daft in this case. One of the wives of another men in the group that went to the club is still not talking to her DH, only to have big screaming matches. That is one week after the event and it still rumbles on for them. Meanwhile we have had a pleasant week and a nice weekend planned. So I don't really see the point in going on about the issue when I am obviously not going to leave him about it and he has apologised as much as someone can.

Oh, and as for the wider discussion on the sex industry - I won't get involved in this. My post was a personal post about how I was feeling. I am absolutely not dismissing the debate that has gone on, instead I simply believe that this is a debate that I don't feel I can offer anything new, interesting or worthwhile to.

Well a forgiving nature sounds like it will stand you in good stead if you love a man who likes to buy women.

Made me chuckle AND a good point, thanks SheCutOffTheirTails!

Can you tell I was watching The Kennedys last night? :o

(not saying your DH is like JFK or Joe Kennedy)