DH went to strip club last night. 3 dances. Am I stupid & naive to feel so sad about it?

[bail]

DH came in at 5am last night. I was relaxed about it as he only goes out infrequently (every couple of months) and I trust him (or should I say, I USED to trust him).

Anyway, to cut a long story short, after initially lying to me, I discovered he went to a very swish and expensive strip club in near Mayfair. He had three dances.

I am upset, I keep imagining gorgeous girls dancing for him, wearing next to nothing and then my DH handing over money to them for the pleasure.

What do others think about this?

Butyou see, I dohave experience on the other side because I've had a relationship with a girl who worked as a stripper.

AF - I understand what you are saying, but hypothetical scenarios can be applied to any subject. You cannot continue this argument by throwing post after post at me until we get to some tenuous indirect link that I should feel morally obliged to address. If that's the way this works, then let's apply it to the already mention sweatshop analogy - open your wardrobes, your food cupboards, your jewellry boxes, and tell me that you own nothing whatsoever that has been produced by some distant far off sweatshop that employs 5 year old children.

You may have had a relationship with one, but you weren't one. And while your ex may have convinced herself she liked it, you haven't seen all the masses of other girls who are being exploited!

And it's hard to avoid situations like the sweatshop analogy. Sometimes it's hard to know goods are produced through exploitation.

It's not hard to not step foot in a strip club, where it is quite obvious to most people that the girls are being exploited.

threaders, the sweatshop analogy has, IMO, been reduced to tenuous, to say the least, elsewhere on this thread, so I shan't revisit it

particularly since you are not properly addressing my reasoned points, but instead trying to make me feel I am somehow at fault here for possessing a pair of gap chinos or two

threaders, your plea for reasoned debate looks like empty posturing to me now, so I shall give up on you

you accuse others of not being open to other opinions, but you seem curiously resistant to examining your own motives on why sex work wouldn't be ok for your own daughter

I am sure you care not a jot, but I pigeonhole you as in possession of sexist and misogynist viewpoints

your posts lead me to that belief, nothing more, nothing less

I wouldn't say she liked it. But she wasn't a drug addict, she enjoyed the easy money that's for sure.

It's clear as day that no matter what I say now, most of you will just assume I am a sexist twat because I've stepped inside a lapdancing bar and disagree that they are the seat of the devil. You simply won't bully me into changing my mind I'm afraid.

I'm sorry for those girls who are exploited into working for drug money, and I don't doubt that it happens. But you are focussing on the extreme end of all this. I used to work in a high pressured high earning sales office, and half of my colleagues were coke addicts. Does that mean sales floors are a den of sin, exploiting all those who work there? Not in my opinion.

anything to deflect from the actual question, eh ?

AF - honestly, I couldn't give a fuck whether you converse with me or not. I'm sure I'll get by. Those that know me in RL know that I am none ofthe things you accuse me of. It just so happens that we disagree in some points of this particularly emotive subject. It's a shame you choose to pigeonhole someone so easily, but that is your choice.

She may have enjoyed the money but I can be sure as hell she would have felt disgusted with herself at some point while earning it!

And I don't see anyone here bullying you. We are all only stating our opinions as you are.

And you still aren't answering the question about your Daughter! And unless your sales office they were degrading and humiliating themselves to earn money, it simply cannot be compared.

Maybe it's time to stop with all these bullshit analogies?

And the reason we are focusing on the extreme end is because those reasons for girls working in strip clubs are extremely common. You are just too naive to believe that most of them are pressured into it for whatever reason, not even just drugs.

If the question was clear, then I would answer it.

Okay, let me spell it out in layman's terms...

Why would you not be happy with your Daughter working as a stripper, yet perfectly happy for others to do it?

Would you support her knowing she was rubbing her fanny in guys faces everynight for possibly 5 quid a go?

The difference is I don't go to sweatshops to get off on actual rl exploitation.

This is fascinating to watch. So people are "bullying" you by disagreeing with you? By asking you to really look at your own reasoning on this question?

I suppose it must make you the tiniest bit uncomfortable if it can get you hot and bothered enough to use the word "bullying," so maybe the other posters are getting through to you in some tiny, tiny way.

AF - honestly, I couldn't give a fuck whether you converse with me or not.

nice

Threaders- just because you dated a lap dancer doesn't mean you have the inside info on how it feels. Imagine you getting naked for another guy..(i'm imagining that you are straight) but my point is that it is someone who you would never be attracted to. You have to chat him up- "you're so hot..etc etc" then you take him to a private room where you have to act like he's the hottest guy in the world and you are so into him. Making the fantasy believable..you then get to writhe on top of him, you can feel he's excited and you have your private parts in his face..so close he can touch them and you can feel his breath all over you. Imagine this was the most repugnant guy you have ever seen..and you are doing all this because you need the money. The shame you feel as you've sunk that low. Now don't tell me thats not degrading and don't say you'd be happy for your daughter to do it!

Ok, in answering the question - I don't want my daughter working in a strip club because I don't want her being leered at by strange men. I want more for her than that.

Now your point about it being ok for others to work there is s good one because it becomes an impersonal thing, I'm not directly affected by it so it doesn't make me think like that. So yes, in that respect I have opened my eyes a little and I see where you are coming from.

However, that doesn't mean that I think it's immoral, or of course illegal. I don't agree with greyhound racing because I think it's exploiting, and immoral, but I wouldn't lambast someone for going. I make my choice not to go and that's the end of it. It's a legal sport enjoyed by many.

Being disagreed with on the internet = bullying.

Being leered at by people who don't recognise you're as human as their own family members for £10 a go = empowerfulizing

But it's your choice to be bullied/empowefulized. And it's legal. And some people like it so other people should just shut up. etc

Fair enough.. I'm not saying its immoral but its not something i'd brush off as run of the mill fun as i've said before. But i'm glad you've saw it from our point of view!

Oh I have followed this thread from the beginning.... not posted before because AF and everyone else say it all so much better than I ever could!

There is no arguement in favour of lap dancing imo.... I dont believe anybody would be happy for a female family member to do it, therefore, it isnt acceptable for any female to do it!

If only all men who went to strip clubs imagined every girl was their Daughter... The places wouldn't exist because everyone would be too disgusted!

Look, is it just me or is anyone else sick to death of these creepy men coming on here to defend porn/lap dancing/stripping etc...? You blokes need to ask yourselves why you feel the need to do this. I have a feeling that you're not taking a stand on racism/equality/sexism and other such issues on the net.

No it's not just you.

Sometimes I ask myself what how far they honestly think they will get in an argument about these things on a site called Mumsnet. I'm convinced they are just looking for a fight.

I have no problem with men being on this site, in fact sometimes I think they make great company on some threads. I just wonder why men who have sexist and misogynistic opinions come on a site for Mothers to post their view points?

Jenny - I'm not a creepy man. I've been a member of this site since my daughter was born last year. I've posted on a wide range of topics. I've got nothing to hide, and I'm not afraid of posting against the general consensus. I just don't believe the things I've been called and accused of on this thread are justified, and I've every right to defend myself

Well we have every right to defend our opinions too. Whether you like it or not.

After all you're the one who pulled the bullying card, do you really think you are going to be taken seriously after that?

Hang on, I'm led to believe that all are welcome on mumsnet? You can't pick and choose what topics we are allowed to post on Just because there's a danger we might not totally agree with you