DH went to strip club last night. 3 dances. Am I stupid & naive to feel so sad about it?

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DH came in at 5am last night. I was relaxed about it as he only goes out infrequently (every couple of months) and I trust him (or should I say, I USED to trust him).

Anyway, to cut a long story short, after initially lying to me, I discovered he went to a very swish and expensive strip club in near Mayfair. He had three dances.

I am upset, I keep imagining gorgeous girls dancing for him, wearing next to nothing and then my DH handing over money to them for the pleasure.

What do others think about this?

I don't think personal attacks are allowed on this board are they?

are you objecting to being called a duck ?

Swc - you can call me whatever you like, doesn't bother me if you want to lower yourself like that.

I'm offering a balanced opinion which goes against the majority. And for that reason I'm sexist, misogynistic, pathetic, oh and a pissy little moaner.... classic. Very mature. I'm willing to answer criticisms all day, and will take on board the opinions of those with a reasoned point.

There seems to be a certain kind of man that always crops up on the stripper/lapdancer threads. Reading their responses has actually made me feel rather grubby.

Bloody hell, came back and this thread has really kicked off!

AF - haha, maybe... Worked in Stoke once - they all call you duck round there!! :)

Ah right so I'm a certain type of man now just because I'm offering a counter-argument?! Jesus Christ....

I have missed loads of posts. But if people are being called feminists because they think the sex industry is "bullshit", they are talking crap.

All of my guy friends wouldn't dream of going to a strip club. They all think it's sleazy and degrading and would be mortified if a female friend or girlfriend wanted to do it.

mew, no more than these threads usually do

Ok, my bullshit comment was out of order and I apologise for that. I admit I get annoyed by the extreme viewpoints of some feminists, but I shouldn't have used that as an excuse to tar all with the same brush.

Having said all that, my views on this subject still stand. Everyone seems to think that because of my opinions about strip clubs, I somehow support the sex industry as a whole? That is simply not the case.

Just because you don't agree with me does not give you the right to cast insults at me.

threaders, would you be happy for your daughter to work in a strip club/lapdancing bar ?

honest answer only please

AF, good luck getting an answer to that question! Most guys fighting the strip club argument avoid it.

Threaders If you support strip clubs you might as well support the sex industry as a whole. It is degrading and when people say it's just a job it's not exactly working in Tesco is it? Prostitution is just a job, would you have the same attitude towards that?

Honestly, well I wouldn't be jumping for joy that's for sure. I'd have hoped she be intent on carving more of a career for herself than that. But I don't see what relevance that has to this entire debate (if that's what this is)?

I agree that strip bars are part of the sex industry. I agree that women get leered at. I agree that it's not somewhere I want my own daughter to end up.
However
I disagree that it is humiliating to women, I disagree that things go on there that posters on here seem to think is par for the course, I disagree that the dancers are there because they have no other choice.

mew, or they give a ridiculous justification around "if she does it of her own free will, I would support her"

I say you lie

lets see what threaders has to say though, eh ?

that question was once asked of a bloke on here and he said "I would support and encourage her to go into the sex industry"

he has since been banned for being an absolute fuckwit...no surprises there

It's relevance is, you would be a hypocrite to say it's just a job or support it but only when it's not your family doing it. That means you would see what is wrong with it but would just be being ignorant to it.

Threaders Until you have worked in a strip club, you are in no position to disagree what really goes on there. When you go, you're going to look at the women, you're not going to be seeing what is happening behind the scenes or even caring to look out for any signs that the girls aren't happy.

I haven't yet met a stripper who doesn't have to get pissed to do her job. And it is humiliating, why would it not be?

threaders, how can you say that question has no relevance ?

following on from that...do you think it's ok for other women to do it....but not members of your own family ?

like those women are somehow other , of a different type than your daughter, worth less than your daughter ?

can you see where I go with this ?

look very carefully at the feminist postings on this thread

not one person objecting to the sex industry has implied that the women in it are somehow other

you have just done that, right there

and you think lap dancing clubs aren't harmful ?

think on, mate

You're totally right to be pissed at him. My DH used to go to strip clubs before we were together. When we started seeing each other I pointed out that there is no way that he would like me getting my sexual kicks anywhere but with him. He said he hadn't thought of it that way. Since then I've also gone on to mention that there is no way would I want him spending money on someone else that could have been spent on me and the kids. I know a couple of pole dancers and they think the guys who go in there are sad and disgusting so you might just want to point that out to him too, they just want the money and they laugh at the men stupid enough to part with it, and I got that straight from the horses mouth!
As far as doing it on a stag do, I don't feel he should be doing anything that has upset you this much.

Good luck anyway x

AF, I would automatically think any man was lying who said he would support his daughter in any area of the sex industry. And if he did I would think he must be a bit sick.

What respectable man would be happy knowing she was thrusting her fanjo (probably naked) in dozens of mens faces every night to make 5 or 10 quid a time?

threaders, how do you think many women working in the sex industry end up there

I am assuming your own dd will be a well-brought-up young lady with all the opportunities and advantages afforded to her in our modern society

but she develops a drug habit (many middle class, well-to-do teenagers do)

it spirals...she needs to feed it, she perhaps comes under the influence of an unscrupulous man, she finds her self doing things her daddy thought she would never do for that next hit

i am not talking a rare occurence here

i am not making this sort of story up

it is happening, on our streets, every single day

and "hoping she will do better than that" just isn't enough, I am afraid

we should all be fighting that for everybody the sex industry is not available as a "choice"

for all our children

am I pissing in the wind here ?

mew, I agree

I await the reasoned response from threaders

AF, Hoy you! I was a stripper and not a drug addict. I was just young and a fucking idiot naive. :o

Very easy to end up there, and at the time I didn't need the money, my family supported me very well. But that peer pressure that leads men into going to them, also sometimes leads girls into working in them.... Even if it is just for one night.

bear with me, mew, it was just an example (and not an uncommon one, as I'm sure you will agree)

I was only joking.

And yes, you are correct. The clubs I was in was full of girls who were addicts. Not that you would know it to look at them though.

Other girls were only doing it as they had kids and the DP had left them and they needed the money badly, others had been made to do it by "partners".

There are many sad stories behind most girls who work in strip clubs. I didn't think it was harmful until I had seen it for myself.