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Original poster

DH went to strip club last night. 3 dances. Am I stupid & naive to feel so sad about it?

507 replies

bail · 25/06/2011 22:49

DH came in at 5am last night. I was relaxed about it as he only goes out infrequently (every couple of months) and I trust him (or should I say, I USED to trust him).

Anyway, to cut a long story short, after initially lying to me, I discovered he went to a very swish and expensive strip club in near Mayfair. He had three dances.

I am upset, I keep imagining gorgeous girls dancing for him, wearing next to nothing and then my DH handing over money to them for the pleasure.

What do others think about this?

OP posts:

Clarathumps · 28/06/2011 17:01

Can I just interject and back up LindenAvery, when I was a lapdancer the process of my choosing to work there was that my business was failing and I was going to be made homeless if I didn't pay rent. Also my partner at the time who was very well off, was less than sympathetic. I did it out of sheer necessity as I had very little options at that time. I was all for it being "a harmless bit of fun" before I worked there however after I saw behind the scenes that changed. Around 95% percent of people are doing it out of desperation and most of them have had pretty shite relationships with men in the first place and I would say were emotionally scarred by the whole thing. It can translate from having a lapdance to having a wank sometimes as there were quite a few men i danced for who (shudder) got off on me dancing for them. It may not be full nude dancing but most places you are required to "flash" for them.
Contrary to popular belief I am in no way jealous of a girl "more attractive" than myself dancing for my OH, I would just not agree with him using family money and for another lapdancer to look at him and think "i wish I was anywhere but here" which the majority of them do.

AnyFucker · 28/06/2011 17:01

swc...did you miss out the bit where Op turned on those trying to help her and has decided we were all BU for calling him a nasty man ?

you might want to read the whole thread (if you can stomach it)

smallwhitecat · 28/06/2011 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Threaders · 28/06/2011 17:09

LA - deceitful? Who? And why? Or are you just playing some strange game here?

TheScenicRailway · 28/06/2011 17:11

Amazing that we never see a post from someone supporting lapdancing clubs admitting to being the ringleader and the person that all the other sheep men follow into the club. I've yet to see a woman on this forum believe that her partner was the ringleader either.

They all seem to claim the modern Nuremberg defence "I was only following what the others were doing....honest guv."

Are there mysterious other people out there who tempt these men into clubs, but no-one is partnered with them?

You know, if you're stupid and misogynist enough to support lapdancing clubs, strip clubs and porn - at least own your convictions and stop running a defence that you would follow your equally stupid friends over a cliff, for fear of appearing to be a decent human being.

carmenelectra · 28/06/2011 17:15

Threaders the naked waiter doesn't compare to a private lap dancer. The waiter is a comedy act. Most women see it that way, as they do male strippers. Hey, I'd probably hire a naked waiter for a laugh if I had stacks of cash to waste. Not as a private thrill, with him leading me on and trying to turn me on.

Men (mostly) go to see lap dancers cos they are women they very much would like to shag.

This is fine by me. Unless they are married.

LindenAvery · 28/06/2011 17:17

Threaders - You and Guy 2 appear to be in favour of lap dancing clubs - but both of you would not choose to go if the choice was yours to make, not pay for a dance and besides it does 'nothing for you'. Yet again we find lapdancing clubs seem to be full of men who don't want to be there and find it does nothing for them. Definition of stupid surely? Or are you lying? Which?

Threaders · 28/06/2011 17:18

TSR - if that post is directed at me then you seem to think I'm ashamed of having been to a lapdancing bar. But I'm not. If it had ever been my idea to go to one, then I'd just admit it, I don't see why not.

bumblingbovine · 28/06/2011 17:19

None of the men have answered the questions

1 What would they feel about their daughters working as a lap dancer ?
2 What would they feel about thieir sons working as naked waiters/chippendale type dancers?

I suspect the answer to the two questions is pretty different for most men. Men might not be happy about their sons working as male strippers but I have a feeling that the thought of their daughter doing a lap dance would be far more disturbing to most normal men.

What normal nice man can honestly say that he would have no problem WHATSOEVER with his daughter shoving her vagina and tits into the face iof a strange male for money. If it is a completely unacceptable job for your daughter, why is it OK for someone else's.

As good old Germaine Greer said, the reason it is different is that women tend to laugh at men, whereas in large parts of the world men opress, control and even kill women on a large scale. When we have true equality of men and women all over the world, I'll be willing to listen to arguments along the lines of "some people enjoy working in the sex industry" .

LindenAvery · 28/06/2011 17:21

'As good old Germaine Greer said, the reason it is different is that women tend to laugh at men, whereas in large parts of the world men opress, control and even kill women on a large scale. When we have true equality of men and women all over the world, I'll be willing to listen to arguments along the lines of "some people enjoy working in the sex industry" .'

Here here

Threaders · 28/06/2011 17:21

LA - it's not that I support them, I just don't think there's anything wrong with them. They are legal, employing women to do a job, and taking money from paying customers. Ok, so sexually it doesn't do anything for me, and getting a private dance is not something that I personally would do. Doesn't mean I think there's anything wrong with it - I can stand by the bar and have a drink instead. I'm no sheep - I don't mind going if that's what the rest of the group I'm with wants to do. Like I said, they can go off for dances, I cam sit at the bar and chat to whoever I want. Where's the issue?

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 28/06/2011 17:22

My ex went to a lap dancing club on the odd occasion - him and his work colleague used to go together, sometimes with another friend. They chose to go, their wives/partners were aware and were ok with it. In fact I went with my ex once, just me and him on a night out. I wanted to see what it was all about and I actually quite enjoyed it. No doubt that most people on this thread will think that, as a woman, I shouldn't have.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 28/06/2011 17:24

women tend to laugh at men, whereas in large parts of the world men opress, control and even kill women on a large scale

I don't recall any women being oppressed, controlled or killed in the lapdancing club I went to.

LindenAvery · 28/06/2011 17:25

Threaders - have you read around the subject? I suspect not - how about some of the comments from ex-dancers that have posted here, today and in the past? Ignorance is no defense.

Threaders · 28/06/2011 17:26

So if women tend to laugh at men, that means it's more acceptable? Bloody Germaine Greer..... I don't go for all this feminist bullshit so please dont start quoting that in support of your point

carmenelectra · 28/06/2011 17:27

Agree with white cat. Why is it something to be ashamed of if a woman feels jealous that her partner ogles and not just notices, but fancies other women?

Would a fella not be jealous if his wife leered at younger sexier men and made him feel upset.

Who want want a partner to feel like that?

TheScenicRailway · 28/06/2011 17:29

Really Threaders? No shit, sherlock.

And there was us thinking that you were a feminist - someone who supports equality between men and women

Threaders · 28/06/2011 17:30

LA - yes, I've read their comments and will not argue against them because that is their personal experience. I'm sharing my personal experiences. I also used to date a stripper many years ago (no, I didn't meet her in a stripbar) so I have her experiences too. However, you and many other posters seem willing to argue against my experience, even though you have none yourselves. That is where your arguments fall down.

Threaders · 28/06/2011 17:31

I support quality. I also support the freedom of choice. Especially when it's a legal business.

Threaders · 28/06/2011 17:32

Quality = equality!!

smallwhitecat · 28/06/2011 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

flippinada · 28/06/2011 17:37

Now call me a cynical ole feminazi/man- hata if you wish but I suspect the lap dancing is ace, fun and empowering posters are basically operating from this viewpoint:

"I like it and tough shit".

Except they can't quite come out and say that.

LindenAvery · 28/06/2011 17:39

ah but they have flip - and their posts stand. QED

If it looks like a duck.............

flippinada · 28/06/2011 17:45

Well yes thats true...I mean they dress it up in freedom of choice etc but that's what it boils down to.

AnyFucker · 28/06/2011 17:46

yep..."I can and I will"

Men are (currently) able to exercise that free choice

As I exercise the choice to be with a man like that, or not

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