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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It's happened again...

509 replies

rockyroadtoruin · 23/06/2011 21:47

A month ago my DH came home drunk. he took a dislike to something I said and hit me. At the time he said I deserved it and called me some foul names but once he sobered up the next day he was very sorry for what he did and promised it was a one off.

I was in complete shock as he had never been violent before, plus we have a 2 year old DD and baby on the way who I have to think about so I forgave him. Maybe I am naive but I thought that would be the end of it.???

After work tonight he had two friends round, they had some drinks and we were all chatting and having a bit of a laugh. but when they left he snapped.
He shouted that I had made him look like a complete fool and I had been flirting with his friend. I tried asking what he was talking about but he said I disgust him.he told me to get away from him and pushed me backwards onto the chair Sad

I don't know what to do. I don't think I can cope with two children on my own. Can I make him change? Will counselling help?

OP posts:
Original poster
rockyroadtoruin · 27/06/2011 08:50

Just to let you know I'm safe. Called womens aid and got number of local refuge and I'm now going to call them. I called work and my manager now knows whats going on, I still have annual leave to take so don't have to go in this week. Will update later if I can. Thanks to everyone that has posted with advice, it means a lot to know people care

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 27/06/2011 08:52

That is really, really brilliant news rocky, especially that your manager knows. Thank you so much for updating us - you've got a lot on your plate already.

tribpot · 27/06/2011 08:53

Some hugely brave steps this morning rocky - bloody well done to you.

PrinceHumperdink · 27/06/2011 08:54

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DontGoCurly · 27/06/2011 08:58

I'm relieved to hear that rocky ! Well done.

swallowedAfly · 27/06/2011 09:10

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BerylOfLaughs · 27/06/2011 09:11

Fantastic Rocky, well done for taking some action. You will not regret this long term. Your kids will grow up with a happier mother and better role models.
Might be worth speaking to the CAB or a solicitor for some legal advice.

What help do you need? If you give a rough idea of where you are someone here might be able to help. I'm on the outer edges of NW London and would be happy to help.

You've made the best decision!

NettleTea · 27/06/2011 09:35

coming late to this one, but pleased you have spoken to the right people and that work are understanding. well done and good luck xx

Original poster
rockyroadtoruin · 27/06/2011 09:56

Yes i?ve seen the list thanks, have printed it off. Just getting everything together then got someone coming to pick me up at 11.
Feel so sad to be leaving but mainly because it?s dds home, not because i?m leaving him. realistically we can?t stay here ? he?s going to flip when he finds out and I don?t want him knowing where we are when he does. So glad I can be with dd all week as well, might be unsettling to be in a strange place and don?t want to let her out of my sight

OP posts:
iscream · 27/06/2011 09:59

Good luck!

DontGoCurly · 27/06/2011 10:04

It's great that you can be with her. As long as you are there she will adapt quickly I'm sure. Mind yourself OP. x

SkipToTheEnd · 27/06/2011 10:10

Good luck.

You are being so brave and doing the best thing for DD. Never forget that. She may feel like it's a bit of an adventure and enjoy the time with you.

TheSmallPrint · 27/06/2011 10:21

Good Luck Rocky, I'm sure you are doing the right thing for you and your DD. No-one should live in fear, especially not from the people who are supposed to love them.

KnickersOnOnesHead · 27/06/2011 10:41

Good luck Rocky.

Don't know where in the country you are but if you are anywhere near West Yorks give me a pm.

tazmin · 27/06/2011 10:42

what will you do when you go back to work

you say you dont want him knowing where you are, but obviously he knows where you work

Anniegetyourgun · 27/06/2011 11:04

Best of luck honey. It's a shame you've had to do this but I strongly believe it was necessary. Hope it all works out for you, plenty of good practical advice available on here including from women who've been exactly where you are.

AnyFucker · 27/06/2011 11:14

All the very best of luck to you x

< wipes a little tear away >

swallowedAfly · 27/06/2011 11:18

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BibiBlocksberg · 27/06/2011 11:19

Just seen this - brilliant news that you'll be safe very soon. Wishing you all the best :)

swallowedAfly · 27/06/2011 11:20

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LadyBlaBlah · 27/06/2011 11:24

Just read the entire thread, and I am so pleased for you Rocky. You have had amazing advice on this thread, and although the coming weeks will be rocky you will never ever look back and the sense of mental relief will be mindblowing. I know cos I am about 3 weeks ahead of you x

swallowedAfly · 27/06/2011 11:35

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HerHissyness · 27/06/2011 11:37

Phew! I feel a lot better today knowing you are safe Rocky! Well done!

MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 27/06/2011 11:41

That is great news rocky, just saw your thread and so glad you have managed to take this step, it must have been very hard but hope you have a weight off your mind now.

If you can, I think it would also be great to do what some posters mentioned above and talk to the police. Whether or not you want to take things further at the moment, at the very least they should have a record of everything your H has done or threatened to do. This could be invaluable if he causes trouble in future and if/when you need to get into discussions about housing, access to DD etc.

You have done a great thing for yourself and your children.

Clarence15 · 27/06/2011 11:47

Goodness me what a rollercoaster this is, I only joined mn last week and I'm so glad I did because I've now witnessed the most amazing support network. I'm so so pleased to read about your decisions rocky, you really are doing the right thing and in a few months time you'll look back and see it the same way a lot of others here do, and hopefully some of the fear will have gone.

Try not to worry too much about your dd, she'll probably see it as a bit of an adventure and without the worry that you usually show 'waiting for daddy to come home' you'll probably both relax and feel much calmer.

Good luck lovely you are a STRONG WOMAN we're all SO PROUD OF YOU x x x x

Best of luck we're all thinking of you and if there's anything any of us can do please say. One of us could live just round the corner you never know.