Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It's happened again...

509 replies

rockyroadtoruin · 23/06/2011 21:47

A month ago my DH came home drunk. he took a dislike to something I said and hit me. At the time he said I deserved it and called me some foul names but once he sobered up the next day he was very sorry for what he did and promised it was a one off.

I was in complete shock as he had never been violent before, plus we have a 2 year old DD and baby on the way who I have to think about so I forgave him. Maybe I am naive but I thought that would be the end of it.???

After work tonight he had two friends round, they had some drinks and we were all chatting and having a bit of a laugh. but when they left he snapped.
He shouted that I had made him look like a complete fool and I had been flirting with his friend. I tried asking what he was talking about but he said I disgust him.he told me to get away from him and pushed me backwards onto the chair Sad

I don't know what to do. I don't think I can cope with two children on my own. Can I make him change? Will counselling help?

OP posts:
pickgo · 26/06/2011 22:19

Rocky you sound frightened. You don't have to put up with this.

As HH says, you can ring the police right now. Tell them he has hit you pushed you, you are pg, he is still threatening you. They will come and make him leave tonight. What he has done is illegal.

You could go into the bathroom, run the bath tap to cover your voice and ring them now.

dittany · 26/06/2011 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
rockyroadtoruin · 26/06/2011 22:23

what if he worked out what was happening and got to me before the police. maybe it's best I go tomorrow when he's not around??

OP posts:
threefeethighandrising · 26/06/2011 22:24

How about this for a plan.

Tomorrow, take some emergency leave from work. Tell them the truth about what you are doing if you can. Come home, pack up and leave before he gets back. Take a friend with you for moral support and safety. Get DD from her CMs / nursery and leave.

Make sure you take all your important paperwork with you.

threefeethighandrising · 26/06/2011 22:25

Don't forget to delete your internet history so he doesn't find this thread.

tribpot · 26/06/2011 22:25

A month ago you didn't think he would ever hit you, rocky. You said 'not in a million years' did you think it would happen. And why would you? No-one would imagine they had married someone capable of that, until it happened.

Seems to me he sees DD as his property as well, since he has little interest in looking after her but threatens to kill you if you took her. Yet your unborn dc is apparently disposable because he says so.

Can you call Women's Aid from a phone box tomorrow lunchtime? Is he still awake, could you call them now? I would imagine he started drinking once you'd had your discussion.

Stay safe. You know how to delete your internet history don't you?

Original poster
rockyroadtoruin · 26/06/2011 22:27

he doesn't often use the laptop but i'll delete the history yes. he's still awake, he's only had a couple of drinks so far

OP posts:
SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 22:31

Actually, after his comments tonight and the fact he has started drinking I would think it to be really risky to leave it another night...

Could you text or email someone and ask them to call the police for you and tell them what to say? That way there's no way for him to know they had been called until they are there.

Jux · 26/06/2011 22:35

Rocky, you are in danger. I'm sorry. You need to sort yourself out ASAP. Have you told women's aid, your midwife, or anyone what he's said?

Normal men do not threaten to kill their partners when considering the possibility that their partner might leave them, they don't. Really really they don't.

I am very very worried about you. Please post every day so we know you're OK. Please

DontGoCurly · 26/06/2011 22:36

Get the feck out of there Rocky. Don't engage any more with him tonight. Do it tomorrow, tell work and get home grab some stuff and GO.

pickgo · 26/06/2011 22:51

I was going to say if you feel safe tonight do it tomorrow.

BUT really RR, I know what professional advice would be - ring the police or text someone to do it for you, and get out now. If he's drinking now, after the conversations you've had today I think he is more unpredictable than ever.

Once the police come you'll be safe.

pickgo · 26/06/2011 22:54

Don't try and leave tonight on your own

Either get police to be there, or act like all is okay and do it tomorrow.

follyfoot · 26/06/2011 22:59

Oh Rocky. Thinking about you and holding your hand every step of this journey xxx

HerHissyness · 26/06/2011 23:05

We are all here for you Rocky. good luck love!

blackeyedsusan · 26/06/2011 23:06

leaving has to be today or tomorrow. be nice to him tonight, sob, say you are sorry, say you will get an abortion and run like fuck tomorrow. you have to protect your life and the life of your children. good luck.

SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 23:38

I hope to God you are okay.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 27/06/2011 00:05

Ring the police on the sly and tell them you need them to remove you from the property now. Do not try to do it yourself by walking out. Refuges are not horrible places, they are a safe haven where you and your dd will be protected.

I wouldnt even go down the trying to find a house route after what he has said tonight. If you think he is capable of doing it I think you need to get out now safely with the police there.

blackcurrants · 27/06/2011 00:22

oh god, Rocky, I hope you're okay. I'm up late (In another timezone) if you want someone to talk to. Be safe.

swallowedAfly · 27/06/2011 07:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

swallowedAfly · 27/06/2011 07:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

swallowedAfly · 27/06/2011 07:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jemma1111 · 27/06/2011 07:36

I agree with Swallowedafly, get everything recorded. I did this with my ex and years down the line if he does anything to upset me he will be arrested.

The more you have on him the better.

Stay strong and get your life back !

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 27/06/2011 07:55

Nothing to add except that I'm another one hoping you're safe, rocky.

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 27/06/2011 07:55

rocky I have been in your situation. I know how overwhelmed you must be feeling. I also sense that your core of strength has been awakened, you know this is not right, and you are taking the first steps to do what must be done.

I can only repeat what others have said:

  • He won't change. He won't see the light and treat you or your DC the way you deserve.
  • Get out.
  • Involve the police. Press charges. It took me 3 months to do so after my stbxh threatened to kill me if I left him, because it seemed so drastic to make it a police matter, but I know that it is the best thing protecting me now. He's forced to be a good boy now in order to prove me wrong, if that makes sense (it will once you've learned more about the way abusers' minds function).

There is plenty of help to call on. Please reach out to any or all of the following:

  • Police
  • Friends
  • Family
  • Women's aid
  • GP
  • Psychotherapist (for YOU)
  • Refuge

They will believe you. They will help you. And if anyone is less than helpful to you, fuck 'em, and move on to the next source of help. You deserve better.

Jux · 27/06/2011 08:46

Hey there Rocky, how are you doing today?