So, had date on Sunday, another one this Friday - what do you think of this?

[shineoncrazydiam0nd]

Had warm ish date with man on Sunday evening and we have arranged to go for dinner etc this Friday and ..well, see how the night goes I suppose!

I already know him in that I went out with him for six month when I was 14 and he was 17 - we are now 39 and 42 respectively and our paths have crossed again so just seeing how things go really. I have only seen him once or twice over the past 25 years and not at all for the past decade or so.

So, we go out for a drink on Sunday. He is not some jack the lad, he is the UK's top person in his specific field, very intelligent man. I get in his car and he has a can of beer on the go. I make some comment and he says that he always has a can of beer when driving along. I'm not sure what to think about that! Obviously you'd have some questions to answer if the coppers pulled you over etc but WHO has to have a beer when driving? An alcoholic? An 18 year old lad trying to impress? Is this NORMAL behaviour? I suppose I wondered what was the urgency..

We then drive off to the pub. He drove at 95miles PH along the road - a 50 zone. I swear to God I nearly wet myself. We were taking corners at literally breakneck speed. I told him to slow down - he did so by about 3 mph! He was laughing and incredulous that I was so scared - ' but this is a top of the range BMW! The brakes are incredible and there's about 7 air bags on your side alone ... '

So... is he a twat? Tell me straight. my radar is not good really at the best of times when it comes to men. He is lovely, btw.

oooh, good, i want to see....
he's got to be stonking if you want to risk your life behind the wheel with him.

ARE YOU INSANE?

He could have killed you. Left your children without a mum.

what a douche bag!

A list of Red Flag behaviours will include

1. drinking and driving

2. belittling your distress and/or fear

3. thinking oneself above the law (drinking whilst driving is, as you very well know, an offence)

4. bigging oneself up...best job, top of field, best car etc etc

5. very charismatic/charming at first so you are dazzled by it

That is quite a few boxes ticked and you have only been on one date with him.

Oh dear

shineon, i think you've got the point loud and clear so i won't go on.

i will say however, that a brilliant driver drives according to the conditions of the road. a brilliant driver would never drive having had a drink let alone drink while driving. i've done a lot of extra training both on safety and racing on tracks as a biker, and my experience is that with more training you become more careful on the road, not more careless.

I'd say the belittling your fear is a very important one.

Like my mum says "famous last words"

"oh, don't worry, I'm a very good driver..."

AF's right:
Telling you that he's top in his field = psycho / ego problems
Telling you that his car is top of the range = psycho / ego problems
Telling you he's a great driver = psycho / ego problems
Driving too fast = psycho / ego problems
Putting you down = psycho / ego problems
Drinking while driving = psycho / ego problems (and how do you know that was his first can?)

Have a great second date.

Another bloke here.

This guy is a tosser with a mental age of about 13. Still, it seems to be working for him.

But if you are cool with that, by all means shag him. Just so long as you don't expect anything much else.

Blimey Shiney!

Assume he knows you're an ex-copper, and still drank and drove.

Also given your last job I wouldn't have thought you'd get scared of fast driving easily.

Is there the remotest chance he was trying to act like Starsky and/or Hutch because that's what he thought you'd like?

Probably not

Date him (without his car) and get him to introduce you to his nice, funny, clever rich friends that aren't arrogant twats!

But there is a red flag, he laughed when you said you were scared and asked him to slow down.

Seriously he's not one to keep going out with.

he is a twat and you will be a twat by association if you get in the car again

In fact, Shiney, if I didn't know you, I would think you had made it up for a larf...

One of the biggest twats I have ever heard described on Mn.

Oh come on, Shiney, no-one's too stupid to be even questioning whether this bloke is a twat or not.

Do you really need anyone else to tell you to RUN FOR THE HILLS?!

Only on your way to the hills, just don't cross any roads he might be driving along.

You, err, probably don't need my vote, do you? But yes, he's a twat.

Do any MNs out there actually know this woman personally?.

Shiney you need to wise up and wake up now for your sake. This is not going to end well is it. Quite apart from anything else do you want to be still playing about and acting commitment phobic in another 10 years time with yet more loser men?.

You write that your relationships radar is well off but you don't seemingly want to address why or do anything about your own issues pertaining to that. To me that is sad.

I would really like to know what you yourself learnt about relationships when you were growing up. Two words to me suffice - damaging lessons.

I think i have got the message!

Some of you are way off the mark i'm afraid, some of you are spot on.

And yes, some of these people know me in real life!

Thank you for your comments

Do any MNs out there actually know this woman personally?.

Apparently yes, and I think they should stage an intervention

so, is friday still a goer, shiney ?

Well, Bof has stayed with me loads of times and will definitely vouch that im entirely normal

im only pleased i didnt post this in AIBU. Id be having to lie down in a dark room by now

Re friday still being a goer - im thinking on it.