So, had date on Sunday, another one this Friday - what do you think of this?

[shineoncrazydiam0nd]

Had warm ish date with man on Sunday evening and we have arranged to go for dinner etc this Friday and ..well, see how the night goes I suppose!

I already know him in that I went out with him for six month when I was 14 and he was 17 - we are now 39 and 42 respectively and our paths have crossed again so just seeing how things go really. I have only seen him once or twice over the past 25 years and not at all for the past decade or so.

So, we go out for a drink on Sunday. He is not some jack the lad, he is the UK's top person in his specific field, very intelligent man. I get in his car and he has a can of beer on the go. I make some comment and he says that he always has a can of beer when driving along. I'm not sure what to think about that! Obviously you'd have some questions to answer if the coppers pulled you over etc but WHO has to have a beer when driving? An alcoholic? An 18 year old lad trying to impress? Is this NORMAL behaviour? I suppose I wondered what was the urgency..

We then drive off to the pub. He drove at 95miles PH along the road - a 50 zone. I swear to God I nearly wet myself. We were taking corners at literally breakneck speed. I told him to slow down - he did so by about 3 mph! He was laughing and incredulous that I was so scared - ' but this is a top of the range BMW! The brakes are incredible and there's about 7 air bags on your side alone ... '

So... is he a twat? Tell me straight. my radar is not good really at the best of times when it comes to men. He is lovely, btw.

Who said it was impinging on my busy day? It is pointless asking for advice though if you are so impressed that the idiot has a BMW and can do his job well that you are prepared to make excuses for him being a twat.

And erm yes, he is a loser. A fucking pathetic one at that.

hth

A 42 year old fucked up lost boy.

Dangerous driving always crops up as one of the red flags when a bloke turns out to be abusive. XH was an utter cock behind the wheel, and also used to laugh at me while I squirmed and screamed at him to stop.

And as for the drinking while driving, WTF??

He may be very capable in some areas of his life, but he's obviously woefully immature in others.

ah, shiney , i love ya, but you make some monumentally weird choices.

Do not contact this man again.
anyone who drink/drives and drives so far over the speed limit that you fear for your life, and then refuses t o slow down when you tell him you don't like it is likely to kill you (in his car, most likely)

step away from the moron

Even without the can in the car, two pints is quite a lot to drink while driving - definitely impairs your reactions (bad news for fast drivers and for anyone else sharing the road with them) and coming close to the breathlyser limit too (v uncool if you get stopped and end up at local nick.)

ANOTHER sign of an unhealthy relationship with drink, to be honest - most people these days don't drink at all, I understand; those that do would tend to keep it to one or two units (2 pints = 4-5 units).

Enjoying making their passenger scared in the car, and laughing - abusive.

Drink driving - so he had 1 can in the car, and 2 pints in the pub. That means he was well over the legal drink driving limit - very, very bad.

"He handled the car very well" - well, no he didn't, he drove like an arrogant cunt, and what would have happened if he had been 'tested' in the car - he couldn't possibly have done an emergency stop within the appropriate distance. Even if his car brakes are so fucking amazing, his thinking time would have been extended because of the speed he was going at.

Personally, I wouldn't have got in the car with him for the ride back, and I would have got out of the car on the way there if at all possible. But then I despise drivers who play fast and loose with other people's lives.

Bin him, and tell him why in the hope that it might bring him to his senses before someone is killed.

I'm not sure that I'm 'so impressed' but we get on, he was fine company etc. I'm not planning on marrying the guy or anything. And I have no intentions of stepping into a car with him as the driver

shiney, I seriously thought when I read your OP that this was a Shiney Wind Up thread

seriously

have you taken leave of your senses ?

Two pints at the pub, plus a can in the car? Over the limit, illegal, bloody dangerous.

Better a Skoda driver who doesn't scare the shit out of you (okay, hard to do in a Skoda, fair enough) & put you in harm's way than a twat in a BMW who thinks showing off is funny.

We had a Skoda when I was a kid. It used to start all by itself sometimes. That did scare the shit out of me.

Miflaw - yes, I wouldn't even have a glass if I was driving these days. Like you said, people don't as a rule do they? I obviously have no idea what his relationship with alcohol is like. I drink very rarely- I've had 5 glasses of wine or so this year! - so I'd have to think about what 'problem drinking' means to me

Oh bloody hell. Bad enough to ditch Friday then? I'm not going in his car. I'm not wanting a full on relationship with him. Just fancied a night out. Not sure now

What did he do with the can when he was finished? Because if he threw it out of the window, I think we should be told so we can kick you some more.

I think he crushed the can on his forehead

am I right ?

If nothing else, someone's behaviour behind the wheel is a bit like the Waiter Test, IMO, a great indication of their overall personality.

FWIW my ex was clever and funny, and also an inconsiderate, arrogant twat - and boy did it show in his driving (and his lameass 'look at me' sports car ).

FWIW what problem drinking means to ME is the sort of thing he's doing - and, as a recovering alcoholic who spends a lot of time talking to other recovering alcoholics about alcoholism, I might not be able to diagnose it every time, but I've got plenty of context to put this sort of behaviour against ...

AF - I agree. Shiney, what are you doing here? Seriously?

I understand that you have no intention of stepping in the car with him again, but knowing what you already know about him why on earth would you even want to see him again? I just don't get it at all. If you are not good at making choices about men, then you need to take some advice. Read the thread and the reactions from everyone and drop him.

He is a twat and you know it really. Please stop making excuses for him. It is needy and pathetic and not 'you' iykwim.

a little bit of information abotui drink/driving limits

shiney - tell me about this man normally.
what did he talk about (how did he talk? was it involving you, or was it al about his top of his field job)
what do you know about him?

Bet he isn't packing a whopper.

He left the can in the can holdy thing in his car. It only had a quarter in it when he picked me up.

god, yes, berlin - my ex was a complete twat - so immature, and he drove the same behind the wheel.
thought he was invincible "because i've never had a crash"
drove far too fast, and drove after being at the pub all evening when he'd drunk 3 or 4 pints (of something strong like stella)

I would give up now tbh as you might go out on Friday and everything be fun but that would mean you would want to see him again...

Nickel- he talked all about ME! In the main. not a thing about his job. There are no red flag abusive whatever's in his behaviour towards me. He has been in my fb for years. I'll show you later so can judge his pic

It seems to be that you just want a bit of fun with him and you don't intend on anything past a few dates. If this is the case then why ask our opinions? You like his company and are going on another date already so why ask?

Personally, I think it is very strange to even have one can of beer on the go in the car. The only person I have ever known do this was an ex and he was a struggling alcoholic!!!!! Not full blown and not a problem every day but had real problems with booze. BIG FLASHING RED LIGHT.

Next he was driving like a maniac and scared you but you still stick up for him because he didn't actually kill anyone or anything! YET ANOTHER BIG RED FLASHING LIGHT OF A KNOB HEAD.

Basically the man sounds like a total twat who you seem to think is good company. If you like being around him so much do date him and enjoy. Just be very wary of it every turning into anything else because he is a total tosser. Big brain and car or not!

"There are no red flag abusive whatever's in his behaviour towards me."

What about laughing at you for being frightened by his dangerous driving, and refusing to slow down to make you feel safer and happier? Massive red flag IMO.