So, had date on Sunday, another one this Friday - what do you think of this?

[shineoncrazydiam0nd]

Had warm ish date with man on Sunday evening and we have arranged to go for dinner etc this Friday and ..well, see how the night goes I suppose!

I already know him in that I went out with him for six month when I was 14 and he was 17 - we are now 39 and 42 respectively and our paths have crossed again so just seeing how things go really. I have only seen him once or twice over the past 25 years and not at all for the past decade or so.

So, we go out for a drink on Sunday. He is not some jack the lad, he is the UK's top person in his specific field, very intelligent man. I get in his car and he has a can of beer on the go. I make some comment and he says that he always has a can of beer when driving along. I'm not sure what to think about that! Obviously you'd have some questions to answer if the coppers pulled you over etc but WHO has to have a beer when driving? An alcoholic? An 18 year old lad trying to impress? Is this NORMAL behaviour? I suppose I wondered what was the urgency..

We then drive off to the pub. He drove at 95miles PH along the road - a 50 zone. I swear to God I nearly wet myself. We were taking corners at literally breakneck speed. I told him to slow down - he did so by about 3 mph! He was laughing and incredulous that I was so scared - ' but this is a top of the range BMW! The brakes are incredible and there's about 7 air bags on your side alone ... '

So... is he a twat? Tell me straight. my radar is not good really at the best of times when it comes to men. He is lovely, btw.

yes, that is the main thing, I guess

you weren't even 'happy' to be in the car with him yourself due to his driving. But you were happy for him to take your babysitter home? Erm yes, that's the main thing.

FWIW Shiney I think you should go on another date with him. If nothing serious is intended with him relationship wise (and you do sound very sorted in that respect) what could be the harm?

Some of the greatest fucks of my life have been with people who are essentially wrong for me in one way or another. It is possible to have immense fun with someone dreadfully unsuitable.

(Am ignoring the babysitter thing because I do not have the will to read the 14 pages... )

Right I'm gong to disappear off in to the ether if no one minds. I've been far too high profile on this thread for my liking.

bloody hell.

you must like him to want to go out with him again and be excusing what the majority of us can see is completely abnormal behaviour re: drinking whilst in the car, driving at excessive speed, with a passenger - who asked for him to slow down - and he refused?!!

he may not have been 'drunk' but he was out of control - speeding and ignoring a frightened/worried passenger - are not signs of a man wholly in control.

he may well have been great company in the pub after nearly killing you both to get there and be at the top of his field but they are not worth seeing him again for.

?

OK I've just skimmed this but 2 things:

1. I'd be incredibly pissed off if someone who had been drinking drove my DD home when she was babysitting

1. I think my main reservation about him, is that when you expressed discomfort about his driving, he didn't back off and slow down. That for me, screams lack of respect for you and lack of boundaries. If he doesn't back off when you're uncomfortable about that, what will he be like in bed? Will he not back off when you express lack of enthusiasm for something sexual he wants and you don't? I declined a second date recently with a bloke for precisely this - not driving badly, but taking no notice of something I said I was uncomfortable with and he took the view that my discomfort was not something he needed to notice. That would be a dealbreaker for me, even in a casual shag. (I'm with SGB on this, I don't think monogamy is the be all and end all, but I do think that respect and boundaries are important even in the most fleeting of ships passing in the night.)

"....apart from one thing. I was happy with him taking my babysitter home ( who also happens to be my step-daughter ) and I believe that that is the main thing".

I too hated my step-daughter :o

Oh DOW - that made me

Shiney - I can't bear to read more than the first few posts, but you would have been better off with penguin man. Seriously.

LOL I'd forgotten about penguin man

That was a classic thread

Is it in mumsnet classics?

Umm yes think so bex

Thanks mud :)

To tired to read all the messages, so sorry if what I say has been already said but I speak from experience of this type of behaviour. Your friend has no respect for people or property and considers himself immune to disaster and far too clever to either make a mistake or get caught. He is I am sure charming, affable and can create the illusion of being extraordinary. Dont forget - He got his adrenalin rush with no care for your feelings or fears. Do you really trust him to treat you well in a relationship? What makes you think he would protect your emotions better than your physical safety?
I was married to such a man. Rich successful and frightening. He had multiple affairs, treated me (apparently the love of his life) like a punch bag and tried to break me emotionally. Luckily I was made of sterner stuff and left!!!
Please be careful.
T x

I've not got anything to add to the subject, but can I just do a quick that LadyMucky/strikesback said Reality was being arrogant. She called herself a cunt as a justification as to why LadyMucky might not want to use her name
I love the twisted logic.....

Oh no. Does this mean no update ? I bought ice cream an everything

HerBeX - declined second date?

Aww shucks I missed all this bunfighting :(

If he drove you that fast where you live, he's completely tonto Shiney. I drive like a little old lady down there (unless perhaps he was hoping to catch lunch on the way to the pub).

Wonder if she has gone on the date?

I believe she had a better offer. :)

Ah that's good to know

and she's not coming back to read this thread because you were all meanies

Be nicer or else I'll come back and start singing tunelessly.

[Grin]

MNHQ really needs to kill the namechange fac

Be nice, or I'm starting the showtunes.

Shes gone on a date with a male mumsnetter????