Marriage v. cohabitation

[Tatties]

DP & I do not want to get married - big wedding, dressing up, etc.. just not our thing. We are as in love with each other as any couple ever could be, commitment is not an issue, but to us marriage just does not symbolise that. Why can't people get it? Your views please

What do you mean why can't people get it? it's so run of the mill these days.

oh i have no idea. have the same thing with dp and i... as soon as i fell pregnant the only thing people asked me were:

"was it planned?"

and

"are you going to get married now?"

it's none of their bloody business!

I don't know what you mean either? If you don't want to get married then don't.

I'd be surprised if anyone didn't get it now...although I did want to get married.

Just keep saying "we aren't getting married, actually". After a bit (maybe 10 years or so), they'll get the message...

lol at "was it planned?", starlover, that's what my mum asked us

Message withdrawn

I lived with dh for 5 years before we got married, and the only person who didn't "get it" was my MIL ... and only then because she can't understand anyone wanting to do anything differently to how she did them. It was never an issue, it's so common these days that I'm surprised anyone bats an eyelid.

oh i get it all the time
"are you married?" "any plans to get married?" blah blah blah

well i don't think it's anyone's business whether or not i am married... and why on earth do they assume i want to be or should be?

mybe it depends what area you come from

We had the opposite - my in-laws all assumed we were anti-marriage, when actually, we discussed marriage when we started going out, and agreed, that when the time came, we would get married, assuming we were happy. (We had to discuss it because I was opposed to marriage, and DH quite pro.)

But they never asked when we were marrying or anything of the sort, and when we announced our actual engagement, asked "what made you change your mind?"

Families, who'd have em?

didn't people ask whether you were planning to get married though WWB, before you did? I used to get asked an awful lot, by friends, family, colleagues etc - though much less since we had ds, bizarrely.

when we announced our engagement some members of dh's family asked if I was pg!
opposite situation really - you can't win!
(reindior, love the xmas name btw)

My mother (a little progressive shall we say) only got married because it was required for the tenancy agreement (back in 68). She had already been PG (lost baby) twice. They got a quickie job at the reg office and had fish and chips at the pub for Reception. My sisters and I, on the other hand, all had big do's- not Church (one safari, one water mill (mine) and one registry office).

I think it was justa rite of passage thing TBH. Life was pretty much the same before and after. Had first baby before anyway.

CM - no, no-one ever did, apart from the MIL. Perhaps I was just lucky!

Oh it's not that people disapprove, and I'm not bothered if they do. But a lot of people I discuss it with just don't understand. To them it seems as though, well you love each other therefore you get married, it's just the thing to do. Don't question it, you just do it because that's what people do. (Not saying everyone thinks like this BTW!) Just as you say Pruni, some people can't step outside their own heads

And some people can't understand that we can be committed to each other, and want to spend the rest of our lives together, but we don't want to get married.

havent read the whole thread,
but
marriage has nothing to do with a big wedding. or getting dressed. or feeding hordes of distant relations.
marriage is about signing a legal document affirming your commitment to each other, for the rest of your lives.
thats it. thats all it is. whayt i dont understand is why people dont get that..

love has nothing to do with marriage. if it is present great, if not, it doesnt matter.
marriage is a legal situation not a holy bond!

would you buy a house without a written legal contract?

i think gdg says it well, when she says 'if you dont want to get married, then dont'

but it annoys me when people go on and on about how committed to each other they are, and how there is no reason for them to be married. etc etc. well, i think that if ther isnt, then wtf are you justifying yourself to me? especially as i am not bothered by what you choose to do.

me and dh got married 3 weeks ago and the very next day and every other day after has been the same as before we were married so really it was a complete waste of time and money because we knew we loved each other and were commited to each other but it was nice to have a special day, that we chose.

li, you are cofusing a wedding, with a marriage. they are both very different things

must say, tatties, you do seem to be confusing marriage with wedding

the legal contract does have its advantages, ones that aren't insumountable but which frankly make it a pain - all those things like parental responsibility agreements, pension allocation forms etc etc - but as long as you are quite happy to do those instead I can't believe it really matters to anyone, does it?

tee hee x post

I couldn't care less if people don't want to get married. In our case, our relationship couldn't continue w/o marriage b/c of visa issues.

expat, exactly. legal issues.
it drives me insane the number on people on mn who go on and on in favour of cohabitation and against marriage.
ughhh. get a life people.