How red are these flags?

[OBlimey]

Just started dating someone again after some time on my own after end of a long term relationship.

Met someone a few months ago, but having a few doubts/niggles and not sure if I am being paranoid.

These are the issues...

• Divorced twice at 42, possible cheating on his part, both marriages a few years only

• Starting to talk about children on third date

• Blows hot and cold

• Hates making plans in advance but likes me to be around with little notice

• Any disagreement means silent treatment

• Caught him out in a few lies, not even big ones but there was just no need?

• Likes to big himself up? Not sure why, and appear more well to do than he is?

• Seems to like being in control if that makes sense

Other silly things but I am getting very wary!

Other than that a great guy but reading these boards I am getting jittery

I'm sorry there are so many of them about

RED so RED and Weird
Plenty more sane fish in the sea xx

Although I have spent all day on here, probably not a wasted day, an eye opener indeed!

What a great thread! Do you have your answer now, OP?! I agree with the others - red red red! Run away! :)

Yes I have my answer, and am printing this off so if he ever comes back and tries to be reasonable and reel me back in I can ignore!

There might be an abusive personality disordered psycho under those
stupid clothes and posturings after all!

Promise us that you will come back if you feel like you're getting drawn back in again

yeah oblimey promise us

I'm so glad you've been listening, OBlimey. Now the thing to do is keep really busy for the next few days and especially the weekend, otherwise you might give in out of boredom and it'll be that much harder to work up the energy to go next time...

"stupid clothes and posturings"

He isn't Chris Eubank, is he?

Oh yes the English Gent thing!

How about forwarding this thread to him?

That way you can be sure he'll never get in touch again....

Barbara - erm, no, he won't, it'll create dialogue - it's attention. He'll slap himself on the back that a couple of hundred women are all talking about him.

total radio silence is his absolute worst nightmare.

Erm, it was a joke.

And actually I don't agree. I think he'd be mortified that a whole load of women have seen him for what he is.

If I ever move country I will forward this thread, but atm he knows where I live!

Might boil my pets

If your friends think he's odd then he probably is, I'm sure they know you well enough to know that he is not suitable relationship material. Judging from what you have posted on here it sounds like you should steer well clear!!

I'm worried about you OP. I'm a bit worried that you are going to go from this buckethead to another one, who will be your basic different flavour of knob ie the next one will be less 'forceful' but will be an inadequate manchild who wants a mummy, or an antisocial lazyarse who gradually isolates you from everyone you know and love. I think you've got a bad default setting in your head along the lines of 'Well no man is perfect but I can't possibly be SINGLE' and until you lose that mindset you are basically putting out a welcome mat for parasites and predators.

Identify his email address(es) as spam for your work email address and do not have any more contact whatsoever with him for any reason whatsoever.

If possible, change your work email address. This is a PITA of mammoth proportions but not as much of a headache as having to keep on seeing email from him when you go to your inbox every day.

Just because you think he would not raise a hand to you doesn't mean he wouldn't or couldn't destroy you in other ways.

You have good, smart friends and please lean on them for support now. Do not weaken.

"If he ever comes back and tries to be reasonable"?

He IS ALREADY doing that, OP.

And he's already shown you that he doesn't mind using his physical strength to assert his needs.

Blimey, I don't know how much clearer he can be, really.

Lots and lots of good advice on here OBlimey.

You've done so well to cut him loose. Please please stay strong and have nothing more to do with him. Ever.

You've had a lucky escape.

Had a glass of wine and got another work email

Really want to reply, but not sure what message meant and not sure if its wine talking..agh

no reply, remember? Radio silence.

You could share it with us...

OBlimey, I think you should re-read the excellent advice ladies have given you on this thread. Why do you even WANT to reply to this man? I mean if you want to continue being dragged into his wierdness then knock yourself out. If however you want a non-headf**ked life then I would suggest you put down both the wine and the computer.

Herhissyness

He said something along the lines of

The only crime he has committed is to like me too much when he was still reeling from his divorce which is why he acted flakey, as timing was wrong

Sigh.. I felt bad, or was it an ego stroke for me, I dunno

Milk and Wine

Good advice, am incapable now of either! need will power!

No, it was designed for you to feel sorry for him and to doubt yourself.

It is failing to respect your opinion and insisting that you are wrong about letting him go. He is failing to take any responsibility for the relationship not working out.

He lies, he bigs himself up, he does that revenge tit-for-tat thing, and you have tried to end it 3 times and he won't take no for an answer. You have asked him to stop contacting you, but he is ignoring your wishes. AGAIN.

seriously, aren't YOU tired of the drama being created in your life? Pack it in.