The no contact/texting/email thread

[cathkidstonbag]

I know it can't just be me who is struggling with not contacting someone they shouldn't so wondered if anyone else would like to join in here and we can support each other?
I have a thread somewhere titled don't want to sleep with DH and my circumstances are on there. But basically I need to stop contacting a man who is making my life miserable. I emailed him on Sat ending all contact with a brilliant email and was so proud of myself :) He then replied and instead of it being horrible it was nice sweet charming and I replied back :( So cross with myself. In it I told him about something awful that had happened so expected at least some sympathy for that. I got nothing :(
I need to never contact him again. To be strong enough not to beg him for contact.
Anyone else needing support???

ijustdont- no you're not the only one! If you want to stop contact then we can all help support you. or just carry on chatting on here :)

thanks singout... good idea about the letter, DH is away monday night, might have to do that...
i have said to him recently in a different time and place then maybe we could have had a future but just not now..... i think because he was caught thats why we said that our time was up and reality had caught up.... if it had been one of our choices might have been so much easier...

One of the strangest things i find is he is not my type (what i would have gone for before marriage ) but he has an amazing heart and also shows what life could have been like... must be strong..........

i also have a bottle of rose if anyone want to share!

feels so good to be able to get it off my chest...... no one knows about om..... feels nice not to be judge.... sometimes our hearts over take our heads!

It's painful isn't it when you find yourself wishing you had met at a different time? :( As though your hearts are so compatible that with the right circumstances, it would all have been well...
However, I've come to see recently that people meet when they meet. If they meet at the wrong time, actually on some level that person is not right and it's important to let go of that longing for the 'what if's', make peace with how things actually are and move on. I know this is easier said than done.

There's a quote I found years ago and like very much:

Always we hope
someone else has the answer
Some other place will be better
some other time it will all turn out.

This is it.
No one else has the answer
No other place will be better
and it has already turned out.

• Lao-tzu

Singout - I've kind of come to the conclusion that if OM wasnt the right one 22 years ago and isn't now then maybe one day it will be the right time. But I have to let it go for now. Take him out of my head and concentrate on what I have to deal with right now. And I will be fine. I need to remind myself of the 90% that was awful not the 10% that was amazing.

And the worse strategy is to write everything down on a letter/email and send it ... who else has done that??? :D

omg - errm, me Several times...

good quote......
its true, if i had meet him 12 years ago, he (unlikely ) would have been the one, he is 12 years older then me.... and different views of things, me and my dh went clubbing lots together and did lots of crazy things where i cant imagine OM doing this.....
you ladies and this thread has helped me so much tonight....

some times i wish i haven't had said things as it would be easier for me to pretend that my feelings didn't exsist....

my DH has just texted to say he is going to be home soon..... and i very happy!
I love him and know where my loyalties lie!!! he is the man i married and that is what i want.... i know that now!
you are amazing women, and i thank you and i will check in soon......
No emailing for me this weekend and some some harsh talking next week i feel!

the crazy thing is when my phone just bleeped i was more happy it was dh then OM.......
thats not happened for a long time.....

That's good news ijustdont. Work on those feelings with DH. Apparently lots of kissing and shagging can help strengthen the bonds. So have a nice weekend ;)
singout - phew ain't just me then :D burning mine would have been so much better than pressing send! Because they never had any effect!!!

Just got really fed up with myself at the way I am allowing myself to be kept in a state of limbo wondering when he will reappear in my life. Enough! I don't want a relationship with the man anyway, and could write a list as long as my arm detailing why. I know this. To ignore all the reasons that are valid and real would be plain stupid, and I don't want to be stupid. So, enough waiting around hopefully. Yes, my door will always be open, in the way a parent welcomes the prodigal son back into the fold when they have been off doing silly stuff, tells them they're looking a bit peaky then asks them when they'll be off again. But I am a precious lovely woman and I will no longer squander my femininity, my romantic love, my energy, on this man who is so wrong for me.
I'm going to see if I can stop looking at his blog. Initially, I will attempt cold turkey and then if that fails I'll decrease the frequency with which I look.

I just counted (after my fit of pique at myself) and I have ELEVEN self help books about bad/obsessive/addictive relationships and how to leave them. And I'm not even counting the Lundy Bancroft/Patricia Evans ones from when I left XP, DS's dad! Eleven books about being obsessive about the wrong person, or addicted to idiots in general, or why one's self esteem gets so low a complete tool seems like a good bet, or about how to raise said self esteem and kick all such men to the kerb forever.

I'm going up to bed now where I will start actually readying one of them. Jeeeesus. I'm fed up with this. It ends, now.

SingOut...I also don't want a relationship with him, never have. But I wanted him to love me. Guess that says too much about me. Had a crappy night. Drank too much. I want my old crap life back before I met him. At least I was managing to lie to myself that I was okay.

All the advice is "love yourself", "get some interests". Wish I could order those off Amazon. Miserable, miserable. So much for my upbeat posts...I did say that I would be back here being a big sap though. Hate that he just carries on with his life leaving me in a crappy pile....how am I ever going to get out?

Well today has started off awfully :(
Logged onto FB this am to find he has stopped me seeing anything on there. Not deleted me just so I can't read anything or post on there. Yet last weekend he said I was still his friend blah blah blah. Amazed how much that hurt, would have taken longer to do that than to send me a quick message. So guess he is going no contact with me???
Anyhow remember I said a few days ago how his old friend has turned up on FB but I wasn't going to tell him? I just sent a FB message saying "thought you'd like to know x is now on FB" that's all nothing else. I guess that counts as contact but I just felt mean knowing something that will make him so happy. Does that count as hassling him or being needy? Or just being polite? Now I really do have no more reason for contact.

Fizzfiend - I wanted a relationship with mine, wanted to lay next to him every night, be there for him. I thought he was falling in love with me, but it was all just a game.

It's just so mean isn't it? FFS just delete me and block me. This is worse because it's devious. I can email him, I'm guessing he's deactivated the account though. He has taken his home email address off FB but i still know that. I could phone him? Or write to him? Can't afford the airfare to Oz to actually go and ask him directly though :D
Actually I'm not as upset as I thought I might be. Mainly because I think he's trying to provoke a reaction. After all if I message him and ask why he knows I've looked. So he wins!
I did contemplate making his friend my friend first (I did know him too) but that just is childish too. I'm trying to be the adult here.

I think he expects me to do that. Last time when we weren't speaking for a few weeks I deleted him. So I think he is goading me to do that again. So I won't do what he's expecting or react as I have always done. Usually I would get upset at things like this and write a sad email or get cross and write a stroppy one. This time I'm faking indifference!!! If nothing else just in the knowledge that he will be bewildered by that : D

Interestingly enough I can still see all his likes, info etc but not the fact he is married??? Why would he just have taken that information off???