Good morning all, just popping on to say that I feel quite good today, it has come at the expense of contact, but I feel much, much better. Here's an update...
So, at work yesterday, find out from a friend that OM has met someone. Hasn't got the decency to do his own dirty work, oh no. I had a good idea that this had happened, he's quite transparent. She had a boyfriend and is finishing him for OM. It knocks the wind out of me.
Met friend last night for a bottle of wine and dinner, had really lovely evening, dissecting our relationships, laughing, talking to fellas. Just as am leaving, I receive a text from a number I don't have in my phone, and it says 'Don't be sad x'. Before I can really register it, my phone starts ringing, number I don't recognise. It is him 'You've just left name of bar'. 'Um yeah'. Turns out he had been drinking in there too. He'd seen me, but I'd not seen him. 'Why don't you come and play?'
Don't shoot me - I did. Not because I particularly wanted to see him, but because a bottle of wine and talking to my friend made for a bolshy KKA, and I decided that I had two choices a) face him bolshy or b) bump into him at work when am having a bad day. I did make sure I wasn't on my own with him at any point. He asked if I was okay with the fact that nothing is going to happen, I just said 'that's absolutely fine with me'. He asked why I'd been talking to boys and if I would drop him off in my taxi when I went home but said 'just to drop me off, you can't come in', I said 'oh so you can get a free taxi ride' (and I assume he wanted to be able to physically reject me too), he said 'doesn't matter'. He decided he was leaving and said 'come on, let's go'. Here's why I feel better...I said, no, I'm going to finish my drink. He said 'fine, I'm going. See you at work tomorrow' (am hoping not to though). I stayed with his friend (who knows everything) and finished my drink. This friend was so nice to me and basically pointed out that how normal I was and how bizarre his friend is. He says he can't hear anymore about women from him because he is claiming to be in love with this girl (this obviously hurts me, but I can identify that he is in the idealizing part of his narc cycle with her, whereas for me, it's time to be discarded). So I do actually feel a bit better. I think OM is under the impression that we can be actual friends (translation: he can still use me, borrow money etc, not be proper friends), whereas I don't want to be friends with him. I'm willing to be civil, and that's that. So, I know this is a bit game playing, but it's either pretend to be fine or turn into a wailing banshee.
Well done to all who got through yesterday. I'm sorry my NC is so on/off. I don't mean to be fickle.