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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The no contact/texting/email thread

849 replies

cathkidstonbag · 14/06/2011 14:19

I know it can't just be me who is struggling with not contacting someone they shouldn't so wondered if anyone else would like to join in here and we can support each other?
I have a thread somewhere titled don't want to sleep with DH and my circumstances are on there. But basically I need to stop contacting a man who is making my life miserable. I emailed him on Sat ending all contact with a brilliant email and was so proud of myself :) He then replied and instead of it being horrible it was nice sweet charming and I replied back :( So cross with myself. In it I told him about something awful that had happened so expected at least some sympathy for that. I got nothing :(
I need to never contact him again. To be strong enough not to beg him for contact.
Anyone else needing support???

OP posts:
krispykremeaddict · 05/07/2011 12:26

Aaargh am trying so hard not to send a text. I am really struggling here. Having a cup of tea. MUST NOT TEXT.

cathkidstonbag · 05/07/2011 12:35

Do not text!!!!!
Please!!!!
I'm really surprised he hasnt emailed today. He has done for the last few Tuesdays, which has been really awkward as that's usually when I see my counsellor. But today nothing. Having a couple of lightbulb moments right now and feeling quite positive for once. I think I've been scared of letting him actually go, of letting that whole part of my life go because I think it will hurt too much. But im thinking maybe it won't hurt as much as this continual ping pong game he is playing with me?
MrsRS - that must be so awkward all working together, but you've done the right thing. Head up, deep breath. It must be hard for his wife yes but hardly easy for you.

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krispykremeaddict · 05/07/2011 12:42

I am still drinking tea and still trying very, very hard. I hate having to test my willpower.

Mrsrobertsmith · 05/07/2011 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

krispykremeaddict · 05/07/2011 14:02

I hate it when....you've gone NC and they comment on a mutual friend's Facebook, after you have made a comment a) agreeing with what you've said and b) making their name appear in your inbox/phone without them directly contacting you. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.

headheldhigh · 05/07/2011 14:28

KKA block him on face book you wont see his comments

  • my idiot made contact said he was sorry ok i thought be nice i know i will not go back few text nothing untoward i felt strong maybe even sorry for him but pleased i felt that i didn't want to go back - today he has called upon our new friendship and asked to borrow something of mine WHAT A CHEEK get lost i haven't replied cannot even believe he thinks i would want to do him a favor ha ha what a shallow looser x stay strong girls they are using idiots !!
krispykremeaddict · 05/07/2011 14:39

Honestly, the cheek of it. I'm glad you've ignored it.

I am really struggling today. With everything. Work. Not texting. Not thinking about him. All I want to do is sleep.

cathkidstonbag · 05/07/2011 14:58

I hate it when ... you've gone NC and they don't even notice!!!

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onethatgotaway · 05/07/2011 16:24

Hi again everyone. I haven't posted here in a little while but have been lurking and keeping up to date with the thread, but sometimes I feel like maybe it has been making me think about my ex OM even more so I've tried to avoid commenting. It is nice to know I'm not the only stupid one though!

Had a major set back last week as I texted him on Friday and said can we talk, I don't know why I did it but I just couldn't stop the insistent urge and constant thoughts about him. He said I'll try to ring later but I'm away on a stag weekend, which I said was a coincidence as I was on a hen one. Both away from home but in seperate towns. He then rang me later on and we had a nice cosy little chat about what we'd been up to etc, all very innocent and just good friends sort of thing. Said goodbye, have a great time blah blah, I felt happy that we'd spoken as friends and hoped things could go back to some sort of normality between us.

A couple of hours later he was obviously a bit drunk and sent me a sext which I should've ignored but because I'd had a few drinks too, I responded and they carried on throughout the evening. He even texted me at 2.30 in the morning but I was asleep by then so he must've thought I was ignoring him, he sounded miffed that I wasn't answering (what is it with these self centred men??!) A few more texts in the morning when he had the cheek to ask me to send a naked picture of myself, thank god I didn't.. Then that was it, I knew he was back home so they stopped.

The stupid thing is, I felt so happy again, I think it was sheer vanity knowing that he still found me attractive and lusted after me as much as I did after him. Why do I need this idiot to make me feel good about myself? And then drop me like a ton of bricks again when he's had his little thrill and bit of fun and I go back to feeling crap about myself again?

Yesterday he ignored my text I sent in the morning, then responded to a later one saying No, I'm not ignoring you, but we can only be friends I thought that was clear and actually I'm very busy at work right now! I stewed on this for hours over night and this morning, wondering what to do now, I know I should have ignored but I hate for him to have the last word and upper hand as it were, so I sent a text saying Sorry to interrupt your busy schedule but next time you are drunk and fancy a w**k please don't use me, that's not what "friends" are for. - Obviously I haven't had a response!

FFS, I am so annoyed with myself I could scream, why am I so pathetic? Why do I let him get to me like this? I know I have to start NC all over again now but it's so so hard. :(

Sorry to anyone who has actually bothered to read this, it's really boring I know.

krispykremeaddict · 05/07/2011 16:35

ashamed to say my twitchy thumbs got the better of me, and I confess, I texted to ask how he was. Few texts back and forth, the jist of which, coffee was suggested, then changed his mind to no, then yes, now no. I'm exhausted just keeping up.

So, I'm back to NC, but this makes things easier - I'm not wondering anymore. Sorry ladies.

hardshipuntold · 05/07/2011 16:44

omg
omg
omg
omg omg

i have just seen om and his wife and baby when i was on the way to pick up kids from school
i couldnt breathe
i was shaking all over
they stopped to talk to me
how i didnt throw up i dont know
just when i thought i was getting over him
wham
there it is again

she looked amazing Envy

headheldhigh · 05/07/2011 17:03

hardshipuntold - come on i bet you looked amazing too - he is not yours to have !! he is the fool you are feeding his ego what a knob i pity his wife not want to be her he will do this again with someone else long after you cruel to be kind hang in there
KKA - o well it's a blip come one get back on the wagon xx

krispykremeaddict · 05/07/2011 17:08

I suppose it is a blip, but have given him power. I think this means it's off (again). It's clear when I have been discarded. Not a nice feeling. Hmph.

hardshipuntold · 05/07/2011 17:53

no i dont look amazing - ive put on 4 stone since we were together 14 years ago
he is not a knob !!
he wont do it with anyone else - i know him

Notanexpert · 05/07/2011 19:00

I'm brand new, but have been following this thread from the beginning. I can't tell you how helpful I've found it, and all your lovely kind words to each other.
My situation is so similar to many, and the reason I didn't join before now was that I didn't really want NC, even though I can see the effect my toxic 'extra' relationship is having on me, and my family. Started in March, someone I know in a round about way through work, but known him for ages. Magical beginning, obsessive texting, leading to one evening of sex. Even after that things were still great, and then at beginning of June he just switched. Just wants to be friends etc, still texting once or twice a day, makes arrangements for drinks at VERY last moment, which he knows makes me mad as I'm a 'planner', and I just go along with it. I am normally a confident, independent woman, and this is driving me crazy. I managed 3 days NC a couple of wks ago, then he text to apologise for being an arse and I was right back where I started.
This evening we have been in a meeting together, so on Sunday I'd suggested a drink afterwards. He said he couldn't, didn't elaborate (we normally go for a drink after this meeting). Spoke to him briefly in the carpark, he was off to a school art exhibition, and I told him I wouldn't have had a problem with that if he'd told me, and found myself virtually begging to meet up later in the week. He 'doesn't know what his diary is like'. Driving home I was so ashamed of myself I knew I had to come on here and talk about it. I would just rather he dropped me outright, rather than play games with me. We have a big event coming up on Friday that we both have to attend, so I know I will see him then, so hoping to not contact him before then. Thanks for all your support.

Mrsrobertsmith · 05/07/2011 19:52

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

headheldhigh · 05/07/2011 21:00

hardshipuntold - so what if you've put weight on if you wnat to do something about join a slimming club and get it off its not easy but its a start it will do wonders for you confidence
if he is not a knob and i am sorry if that upset you why are you in this situation he was not in a position to be with you he was in the wrong for letting it happen aswell
i am sorry if i upset you i am only trying to support you and be a bit firm xxx

hardshipuntold · 05/07/2011 21:13

its ok headheldhigh
been checking email all evening ,nothing Sad

KiiKii · 05/07/2011 23:57

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Mrsrobertsmith · 06/07/2011 00:10

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KiiKii · 06/07/2011 00:25

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cathkidstonbag · 06/07/2011 06:42

NC intact. Yesterday I ended the day feeling super-positive but have woken up this morning all sad again! Damn him for affecting me like this. But will continue to push him out of my head and one day soon he won't take up so much space there!

OP posts:
KiiKii · 06/07/2011 07:00

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

headheldhigh · 06/07/2011 07:42

keep going its going to be tough but you can do it i am still reeling after being taken for a dimwit be nice say sorry get back in touch and ask me for a favour he is not in any position to call in favours from me shallow thick fool ! i have not and will dignify it with a response and he has not text since what must go on in these tactless mens heads aaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh

cathkidstonbag · 06/07/2011 07:47

Thanks KiiKii it's my own fault really, I reread some old messages last night (from a few weeks ago) and went to bed with it all in my head. Must never do that again. Think he has stopped me seeing his FB updates now and was going to block him/delete him but haven't as I think he will see anything like that as contact and know he's got to me. I need to just ignore it all. When I feel a bit sad I'll just remind myself of the negatives and how it is his loss because he has lost a very good friend.

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