Hi again everyone. I haven't posted here in a little while but have been lurking and keeping up to date with the thread, but sometimes I feel like maybe it has been making me think about my ex OM even more so I've tried to avoid commenting. It is nice to know I'm not the only stupid one though!
Had a major set back last week as I texted him on Friday and said can we talk, I don't know why I did it but I just couldn't stop the insistent urge and constant thoughts about him. He said I'll try to ring later but I'm away on a stag weekend, which I said was a coincidence as I was on a hen one. Both away from home but in seperate towns. He then rang me later on and we had a nice cosy little chat about what we'd been up to etc, all very innocent and just good friends sort of thing. Said goodbye, have a great time blah blah, I felt happy that we'd spoken as friends and hoped things could go back to some sort of normality between us.
A couple of hours later he was obviously a bit drunk and sent me a sext which I should've ignored but because I'd had a few drinks too, I responded and they carried on throughout the evening. He even texted me at 2.30 in the morning but I was asleep by then so he must've thought I was ignoring him, he sounded miffed that I wasn't answering (what is it with these self centred men??!) A few more texts in the morning when he had the cheek to ask me to send a naked picture of myself, thank god I didn't.. Then that was it, I knew he was back home so they stopped.
The stupid thing is, I felt so happy again, I think it was sheer vanity knowing that he still found me attractive and lusted after me as much as I did after him. Why do I need this idiot to make me feel good about myself? And then drop me like a ton of bricks again when he's had his little thrill and bit of fun and I go back to feeling crap about myself again?
Yesterday he ignored my text I sent in the morning, then responded to a later one saying No, I'm not ignoring you, but we can only be friends I thought that was clear and actually I'm very busy at work right now! I stewed on this for hours over night and this morning, wondering what to do now, I know I should have ignored but I hate for him to have the last word and upper hand as it were, so I sent a text saying Sorry to interrupt your busy schedule but next time you are drunk and fancy a w**k please don't use me, that's not what "friends" are for. - Obviously I haven't had a response!
FFS, I am so annoyed with myself I could scream, why am I so pathetic? Why do I let him get to me like this? I know I have to start NC all over again now but it's so so hard. :(
Sorry to anyone who has actually bothered to read this, it's really boring I know.